Welcome to AresJoxerCupidStrife

Furious
Proper Accessories
Dissed!
Joxie!
Anger Management
Panic? ... Can Do
Mischief and Discord
Confessions and Plans

TITLE: Furious
SERIES: Bending Ares
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: None really, although there are a few references to the Hind
Trilogy.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: Aphrodite and Cupid are angry. They enlist the aid of the Three
Furies.

*
Furious
by Scorpio
*

"...and *then* he convinced Hercules that Sweetcheeks was also sleeping with
*Autolycus* of all people! That's soooo far fetched that it's almost
unbelievable. I mean, puh-leese! Auto-baby may be hot, but he's been
completely obsessed with Discord ever since that whole chicken thing.
Besides, even if that sneaky thief *did* find Curly all cuddly, he's totally
in awe of the Big Guy. Ya know?"

Three sets of eyes blinked at the fuming Love Goddess. All three of the
powerful women were amazed, both that Aphrodite could get all of that out in
one breath, and that she was so angry in the first place. The gentle blonde
was usually very forgiving when others interfered with her plans.

"What's even worse is that I can't even *fix* it because while he spread
those horrible lies about Blondie, he hit Hercie with one of Eris' icky hate
spells. Granted, it was only some dried Hate Apples that had been chopped up
like a herb and then sprinkled into Hercules' dinner, but it was enough. Now,
Herc's not only feeling betrayed, he's so angry that *I* can't even get him
to listen to reason!"

The whole time that the pink clad Goddess was speaking... well, yelling
actually, she was pacing back and forth across the Furies' Temple floor and
waving her hands wildly about in the air. Her son, Cupid, stood back a ways
and nodded his head in agreement to everything that she said.

Noticing that Aphrodite didn't really have more to add to her complaint, all
three of the most feared primal forces in Greece turned their heads to face
the younger Olympian as one. As soon as the God of Love realized that they
were waiting on his complaint, he stepped forward slightly.

"Look, I generally don't spread this around much, but I *do* love my Dad. I
don't understand him, but I do love him. So... I really don't want him to be
*hurt*, but he *has* gone too far.

What Mom *didn't* tell you is that Uncle Herc's relationship with Iolaus was
ordered by Zeus. Gramps put her in charge of making sure that he'd never
suffer again like he did with Deinara and Serena. Everyone *know's* that
Iolaus is Immortal. Death can only hold on to him for so long before he's
spit back out into the Mortal Realm. It was a perfect match and everything
was going *great* with them. Then Dad ruined it.

But that's not all. He messed with one of *my* matches as well. My
half-sister Xena, who if you'll remember is *also* his daughter. Well, I
wanted my sister to be happy. She deserves it for all of the hard work she
does trying to make up for any bad stuff she's done...so, I helped her and
Gabrielle to fall in love.

Then, Dad came along and ruined it."

The blonde Love God stood there, hands on hips and glared. The middle of the
Three stepped forward and spoke, her voice echoing in an oddly hollow manner.

"Are you saying that the War God also caused the Warrior Princess and the
Amazon Bard to end their relationship?"

Cupid nodded his head angrily.

"Yes! He managed to convince both Gabrielle *and* Xena that the other was in
a secret relationship with another of their friends... a man named Joxer. And
they *arn't*!"

It was at this point that Aphrodite had lost what little patience she had
left. Turning sharply on her heal, she stomped back over to where Cupid was
standing, her whole body practically trembling with her anger.

"He's gone too far! You *have* to see that. We don't want him hurt or
stripped of his powers or anything dangerous... we just want him to
understand love! Ares can do lust and he can do passion, but *love*? He just
doesn't get it and so he sees nothing wrong with running around undoing all
of our hard work. *We* don't mess with his groddy wars!"

The Three Furies turned and faced each other. Silent thoughts flowed back and
forth among them briefly as they considered the two Olympian's request.
Finally, they turned back to face Aphrodite and Cupid. Once again, it was the
Fury in the middle who spoke with her ageless voice.

"Your petition shall be granted. Ares, Son of Zeus and Crown Prince of
Olympus shall be punished... with Love."

In the blink of an eye, all Three Furies disappeared in a sizzling flash of
red energy.

*

At the Temple of War in Thrace, Ares God of War suddenly stopped bellowing in
the middle of his sentence and looked around at the unrelieved black with
undisguised horror. Shifting his weight to one hip, he waved his one hand
around in a vague gesture while the other one came to rest on said hip.

"Oh My Stars! *Who* decorated this place?!"

Turning in a slow circle before mincing across the room with an exaggerated
sway to his hips, Ares tsked at what he found.

"Dusty, black and just *ugh* tasteless!"

With a wave of his hand, Ares sent a bolt of pale blue energy, which also
included white flower petals in its beam, and the stone walls suddenly
shimmered and changed. To white marble with light blue veins running through
it.

Ares sighed dramatically and struck a pose while running his hand limply
through his dark curls.

"That's *so* much better."

His warriors just stared at him in fascinated horror.

TITLE: Proper Accessories
SERIES: Bending Ares [part two]
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, WWOMB and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: None really.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: Ares discovers the wonder which is the color blue and the joys of
accessorizing are explored.

*
Proper Accessories
by Scorpio
*

Ares stood in front of a full length gilded mirror in his newly decorated
Temple studying his reflection carefully. He had spent much time and effort
"tidying up" his Temple only to suddenly realize that his black leathers now
"clashed" with the current decor.

And plain black was soooo yesterday. Bright shades of blue was the way to go.
Ares was certain of it.

His first impulse to change the unrelieved black walls into snowy white
marble with sky-blue veins running through it had been an inspiring one. From
there, Ares had moved on to the dark gray flagstone floor. Dull, dusty and
treadworn, frankly, it had been a depressing site. A burst of energy had
fixed that. Now all of the floors throughout the Temple were of a medium blue
ceramic tile with a ten inch wide mosaic border done in varying shades of
white, blue and gold which ran parallel to all of the walls. The ceiling was
switched to a plain unadorned white.

From there, the remaining redecorating had been both easier and harder. Ares
had found the perfect theme. Blue. But details are pesky things, and oh-so
important to the overall effect.

Tapestries of both sky and sea battles replaced dark black and red hangings.
Iron pots made way for glazed clay vessels. Plain wooden weapons racks grew
smoothly polished and stained a beautiful golden oak tone. Plain iron armor
was magically enameled over with stunning blue and white geometric designs.
Ares' black basalt Throne had shimmered into brilliant sparkling sapphire. A
haphazard stack of tarnished bronze shields polished themselves even as they
had leapt from the floor to hang in a visually pleasing display on the far
wall. The iron bound wood doors dissolved away, only to be replaced with
shining bronze, Ares' own image engraved upon them.

And yet with all of the beauty and splendor that surrounded him, Ares had
felt that something, some odd undefinable thing, was missing.

Fortunately, one of the warriors that had been present during his
modifications had provided the perfect solution by opening his big mouth and
making a disparaging remark in regard to Ares' taste in interior decorating.
In the blink of an eye, the warrior had found himself stripped naked and
bound spread-eagle on the wall opposite the bronze shields. His shackles were
polished iron with bright blue leather lining.

The man's new location, combined with his distinct lack of armor, weapons,
and even clothing must have disconnected his brain because he had begun
yelling, screaming and threatening the War God for his release. After
squinting at the annoying mortal for a long moment, Ares had flexed his power
and the man's body became instantly clean, shaved of all hair, and coated in
a thin layer of oil. He was also sporting a bright blue gag, a cockring that
bound up his balls and now rock hard penis, and a matching butt plug.

Ares had smiled in delight. The warrior was the *perfect* accessory to the
room. His helpless plight was both sensual and cruel. It had given the War
God warm tingles all over.

Now, he was trying to alter his *own* image to suit his new shiny outlook on
life. Currently he was wearing a pair of vivid sky-blue leather pants that
were tucked into black leather knee-high boots with blue and gold inlay. Over
that he was wearing a blousy black shirt of chin silk with its high collar
left undone. Black wrist guards with blue and gold inlay that matched his
boots caught the billowing sleeves in tightly to his arms and his leather
vest was of the same sky-blue leather as his pants.

Ares twisted and turned in front of his mirror. He posed and he primped. He
tried to view himself from every possible angle. Oh, he knew he looked
dashing and debonair, even a bit fierce. However, he wasn't sure if this
outfit was *perfect* for him or not. He couldn't see himself from *behind*!
It was sooooo frustrating.

He needed another opinion.

With a flex of his power, Ares translocated himself out of his Temple and
into a clearing by some woods. Xena swirled around quickly, pulling her sword from it's sheath even before he finished materializing. Her face was set in a
grimace and a growling snarl emerged from her throat.

"What are you doing here Ares? What do you want?"

Ignoring her hostile attitude for far more important matters, Ares pouted his
bottom lip out while twisting around so that his back was to her. He then
tried futilely to peer down over his shoulder and whined in frustration.

"Does this outfit make my butt look big?"

TITLE: Dissed!
SERIES: Bending Ares [part three]
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, KSA, WWOMB and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: None really.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: Ares finds that getting dissed is not fun. And he *still* doesn't
know if his butt looks too big in his outfit!

*
Dissed!
by Scorpio
*

"You've gone mad!"

Ares blinked in shocked confusion and turned to stare quizzically at his
daughter.

"Ex-squeeze me?"

Xena was the only mortal he knew that could look both amused and pissed off
at the same time. It was a good look for her as it made her blue eyes
sparkle. Ares decided that he could, and should, take full credit for that.

"You're crazier than *Strife*!"

Ares smirked at her.

"That's where you're wrong. *No one* is nuttier than my nephew!"

Then the true meaning of her words sank in and he scowled. Well, he *tried*
to scowl, but it came across more like a petulant pout.

"Hey! I'm *not* crazy!"

He stomped one booted foot for emphasis, but Xena just snorted at him and
sheathed her sword. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Ares decided to try and
get the conversation back on track.

"Seriously, Xena. Does this outfit, you know... work for me?"

Ares then spread his arms wide and twirled in a circle so that she could get
the full effect. Instead of answering, the Warrior Princess just collapsed in
a fit of hysterical giggles.

Hurt and offended, Ares flexed his powers and disappeared in a showering
cascade of blue energy and flower petals.

*

"*There* you are! You are soooo hard to find when you aren't prancing
alongside of Xena."

Ares' voice echoed through the forest before his body materialized next to
the muttering Amazon Bard. He only had half a second to realize her
intentions and then he quickly ducked, her staff whistling through the air
above his head.

"Ares!"

The War God stood back up and ignored her momentarily in favor of brushing
the wrinkles out of his clothes and making absolutely certain that all of the
seams were straight. Then he turned to her and struck a pose, hip jutting out
to the side, shoulders tilted, chest puffed out.

"It's me!"

He simpered and fluttered one hand limply through the air.

"You can bow to me now."

Gabrielle made a strange strangling sound, as if she were choking on her own
tongue. And her eyes bulged out of her head as she stared at him in horrified
fascination.

"Ares?... No, it can't be."

Ares head whipped around and he stared at her in confusion.

"Well, duh! Of *course* it's me. Who did you *think* I was?"

Gabrielle sputtered a moment and then her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"If I had to guess, I'd say that you were Aphrodite *pretending* to be
Ares... and not doing a very good job of it at that."

Then it was Ares turn to sputter helplessly. After a long moment of
floundering, he pulled himself together enough to stomp his foot, pout and
exclaim denial in a shrill scandalized voice.

"I am *not* Aphrodite! I'm *Ares*. I'm a *War* God... not some silly *Love*
God."

He stomped his foot again and pouted harder.

"Take me *seriously* dammit!"

Gabrielle smirked. Then she giggled. Then she began to chuckle real loudly.
Ares went from being hurt, to being insulted, to getting angry. He began to
form a ball of glowing blue energy in his hand. When the blonde bard saw
this, her laughter died away instantly and she raised her staff in a
defensive position.

"Whatever it is you want here, Dite. I'm *not* interested. You go talk to
*Xena*. She's the one that's sneaking around with Joxer! And dressing up like
Ares isn't going to work on *her* either!"

Ares growled. A real growl this time.

"I *told* you! I'm *not* Aphrodite! Do I *look* like I'm wearing pink
underwear? NO! It's blue!"

Gabrielle's nose wrinkled up as she frowned in confusion, but Ares was on a
roll now, and he wasn't about to be stopped. Pacing up and down the forest
path,... well, mincing up and down the path, really... He yelled, stomped his
feet and waved his glowing ball of blue energy about.

"What is *with* you two today? First Xena accuses me of acting like Strife,
now you accuse me of being Dite in disguise! Did someone throw a whammy on
you guys when I wasn't looking? No matter. I don't care. I *just* want to
know if my butt looks big! But does anyone care? No!"

Turning on his heel, Ares glared at her, the finger of one hand coming up to
waggle in her face.

"And *another* thing! I'm *glad* I told you two all those lies about Joxer
and sex! I *knew* you two wouldn't believe *him* or each *other* when you all
denied it, but that was half the fun. You guys *deserve* to suffer after the
way you've treated me today."

Then, his temper got the better of him and he threw the ball of blazing
energy at the Amazon Bard. His aim, as always, was true. Blue shimmering
waves of light poured over Gabrielle, blinding her from his eyes. When the
light faded, the blonde woman was standing there completely naked.

Horrified, Gabrielle looked down at her exposed body, shrieked loud enough to
wake the dead, and then tried desperately to cover herself with her arms,
hands and staff.

"My clothes!"

Ares smirked at her and struck a pose. Then, he pointed up towards the sky.
With dawning realization in her eyes, Gabrielle followed the path he was
pointing in. There, way up at the very top of the tree they were standing
under, was her clothes. Her top, her skirt and her boots... clinging to the
tips of the highest branches.

Gabrielle's eyes swung back down and she leveled a killer glare at Ares, but
he just returned it with a smirk, a giggle and a handful of wiggling fingers.

"Tootles!"

And with a flash of blue energy and a shower of flower petals, he was gone.

TITLE: Joxie!
SERIES: Bending Ares [part four]
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, KSA, WWOMB and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: R
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: None really.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: A conversation, a make-over and startling realizations. Joxer has a
full day.

*
Joxie!
by Scorpio
*

Ares materialized into the small bathing chamber of the cheap dirty inn
behind the wooden tub of hot water, and consequentially, behind the man
within it. Instead of walking around to the front, the distressed War God
began to pace the length of the rear of the room while muttering out loud to
himself.

"What is wrong with Xena and Gabrielle lately? I swear, they are both acting
strange. Something *must* be wrong with them."

Even though his ponderings hadn't been addressed to the man in the tub, he
received an answer anyway.

"Gods, I know what you mean. They both went nuts. First they started accusing
me of sleeping with the other, which I *wasn't*, cause believe me, I'd *know*
it if I did. *Then* they said some horrible things and declared that they
were no longer friends, with each other *or* me. I have no clue what caused
all that and..."

The man's tirade ground to a halt when he turned around in his tub and saw
just who it was that was pacing behind him.

"Ares?"

The dark haired God stopped pacing and looked up into the face of the
startled mortal. He heaved a huge sigh in obvious relief and then struck a
pose, one limp hand fluttering through his curls.

"*Finally*! Someone who recognizes me!"

Ares rolled his dark eyes in exasperation at the confused look his statement
caused and flounced over to the side of the room where a wave of one
manicured hand produced a gilded and padded chair out of nothingness. Instead
of lounging across it in his usual sprawl, however, he perched on the edge of
it, his long muscular legs crossed way up high at his thighs.

"That blonde twit thinks I'm Aphrodite and I don't know *what* is going
through Xena's mind. Something about Strife's insanity being contagious."

Joxer nodded, a look of fear sliding across his face.

"Uh-huh. Well, I'm sorry to hear about that, but if you'd just turn around so
I could put on my clothes, then I'll be going now."

Ares ignored him, gesturing wildly in the air.

"And both of them were just sooooo rude, you know? It's not as if I had
popped in to cause any *harm*. No. All *I* wanted was an opinion. That's it.
Normally, you can't get those two to *stop* spreading their thoughts around,
but when I actually *want* it? They clam up tighter than Athena's thighs."

Joxer just blinked in horrified fascination. Ares could sympathize. Who in
their right mind wanted to think about Athena's thighs... or what lay
between? He shuddered at that thought. An elegant full body shudder that sent
his muscles to rippling.

Then Ares had an epiphany. Joxer had always been a loyal and true follower of
his, so then just *maybe* he'd be willing to answer Ares' burning question.
Jumping up out of his chair with a tiny squeal as if it had bitten him, Ares
stood and swirled around, bending over slightly so that Joxer had an
excellent view of his posterior.

"Joxie? What do you think about my bottom?"

"It's gorgeous -gasp- Did I say that out loud?"

Ares beamed. Standing up again, he swirled around and struck another pose.
This one was designed to highlight his crotch as opposed to his chest. Joxer
swallowed appreciatively.

"You certainly did sweetheart."

Joxer turned pale. Then red. Then pale again. He gestured weakly to the
mismatched armor piled up on a rough hewn bench.

"Um... If you just let me get dressed, I promise I'll go far far away and
never ever tell anyone about this. Just... don't kill me, okay?"

Ares was slightly confused. He had no intention of killing the person who
*finally* admitted that he had a lovely behind. Why would he do that? Still,
he could help the frightened warrior out. Tossing an amused grin over at the
trembling mortal, Ares snapped his fingers. A flash of light blinded them
both for a moment and when it faded, Joxer was out of the water, dried and
standing in his makeshift armor.

Ares took one look at the man's outfit and tsked. Shaking his head in
sadness, the War God walked in a complete circle around the confused mortal.

"Oh my... that will *never* do. Not enough color for one thing, it *totaly*
washes you out. No real protection from weapons for a second and thirdly, it
doesn't really fit you, so it throws your balance off."

Ares came to a stop directly in front of the startled man and pouted his full
bottom lip at him in confusion.

"What *were* you thinking when you choose *this*?"

Then he shook his dark head before Joxer could answer.

"No matter, I'll fix it."

Then he snapped his fingers again.

*

With a stomach twisting lurch, the world came back into focus. Still feeling
as if he were moving, Joxer's balance flew out the window and he stumbled.
Right into the open arms of a seriously demented War God. He trembled,
waiting for the fireball that would end his life.

When nothing more evil then him being set back onto his feet happened, Joxer
risked opening his eyes. Only to find Ares staring at him intently with one
long finger tapping at his chin thoughtfully. He suddenly wished he'd kept
his stupid eyes shut.

Then Ares exclaimed in excitement, his whole body mirroring his happiness.

"Oh! I *know*!"

Another one of those scary finger snaps and another chilling flash of light.

When Joxer could see again, he noticed that his clothes were gone... to
somewhere... and that he was now standing there in a hideous black leather
and burnished steel armored contraption that left him unable to move at all
from the heavy weight.

Ares suddenly frowned again and muttered out loud.

"No, no. That'll never do either. How about..."

Those divine fingers snapped again and once again there was a flash of light.

This time, Joxer found himself dressed up in the armor of a Spartan Soldier
and he felt a distinct draft up the pleated leather skirtle. It was not a
pleasant sensation. Desperately he tried to pull it down lower to cover
himself up a bit more.

However, Ares was on a roll now and he wasn't about to stop just because
Joxer was feeling a bit uncomfortable. The fingers snapped again.

Now Joxer was *naked*! He felt himself blush from head to toe as he tried to
cover himself. He had never been so embarrassed in all his life. Ares on the
other hand, was leering at him in a way that made him frightened and excited
all at the same time.

"Well, well. My idea to see what I was trying to work with was a *good* one.
You never cease to surprise me Joxer. I'm pleasantly impressed."

For some reason, that embarrassed him even more. There were undertones to the
War God's voice that Joxer was afraid to acknowledge... no matter how much he
yearned to.

"Clothes!"

His voice was an undignified squeak, but at the moment he was too off-balance
to care... or even notice. Ares snapped his fingers again and Joxer had
clothes... just not in the way that he had meant.

Still barefoot, Joxer found that he was wearing tight brown leather pants,
with the laces undone and the flaps hanging open to expose and highlight his
::ahem:: attributes. He was also wearing a soft cream linen shirt that was
unlaced all down the front of his chest, exposing more flesh than it
concealed.

Ares practically purred as he sauntered across the room towards him.

"Oh *yes*... that is *definately* the look for you, Joxie."

Before Joxer could get his head wrapped around what was happening, the War
God had draped himself all along Joxer's body and his one hand reached out to
stroke his chest and then fondle his suddenly over sensitive nipples. Joxer's
cock sprang to instant hardness and his breath hitched in his throat passed a
suddenly dry mouth.

"I think that I'll have to keep you half dressed and panting with desire for
me *much* more often. It's a *real* good look on you stud."

Joxer was certain that he had died and gone to the Elusion Fields and no one
had told him about it, because things like *this* didn't happen to him in
real life. Ares did *not* breath husky words of naughtiness into his ear
while one hand slowly trailed down his chest on a collision course with his
hard and throbbing cock. It must be a dream.

Then suddenly Ares stiffened up, his softly expressive face going blank. A
mortal heartbeat later, pure unadulterated *fury* filled those dark eyes and
burning red energy spilled off of him, followed closely by a veritable rain
of foul curses.

"That sneaky pink *whore*! I'll get her for this! How *dare* she throw some
icky sticky *love* spell on *me*! I'm the God of *War* for Zeus' sake!"

Then, in a sizzling shower of hissing red sparks, Ares was gone. Joxer
slumped in dejection and fear against the wall, his now soft cock still
hanging out of his leather pants.

He had changed his mind. This *was* real because the only way someone as hot
as Ares could be interested in *him* was by a love spell. One, that had
apparently been broken. *Before* Joxer could enjoy the sex. What's worse,
Ares would probably kill him once he'd yelled at Aphrodite.

Sometimes life just sucked.

TITLE: Anger Management
SERIES: Bending Ares [part five]
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, WWOMB and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: R
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: None really.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: In which there is much yelling, threatening and eventually, caving
in. Then the *real* temper-tantrum happens.

*
Anger Management
by Scorpio
*

In a sizzling display of power that literally singed the gauzy sheer veils
and curtains hanging about, Ares materialized in Aphrodite's Temple. Static
glowing red energy sparked and flared along the surface of his body in
uncontrollable waves of anger and fury. The vases and bottles which littered
the Love Goddess' vanity and shelves rattled and shook even as a hot dry wind
swirled up out of nothingness.

The pink clad Goddess glanced over at him nervously before hastily plastering
a slightly annoyed look on her face.

"Anger much? Really Ar, you need to learn to manage your aggression better.
You're frightening my furniture."

Ares cocked his dark head and leveled an intense glare of sheer hatred at his
sister that instantly withered every flower in the pink and lacey Temple.

"WHAT DID YOU **DO** TO ME?!?!!!"

The foundation of the Temple rocked violently at Ares' booming bellow and two
marble statues burst into flying shards of splintered debris. Aphrodite went
slightly pale.

"I... I... "

Ares flung up a hand to forestall her explanation. The sharp curt movement
caused three stout trees outside to topple over.

"Just. Take. It. Off. NOW! So help me Dite, if you don't remove this...
this... *love* spell this instant, I will *raze* all of your earthly Temples
from Argos to the Black Sea!"

At that, the Love Goddess snapped up straight, her worry for her personal
safety melting in her fear for her worshippers. She glowered right back.

"You wouldn't *dare*!"

Ares sneered, the sizzling red energy flaring brightly with his temper.

"Try me!"

Aphrodite's glare didn't waver, but it turned thoughtful. Cautious. Then
finally, resigned. Glancing down, the Goddess frowned and made a vague
gesture towards the dark and angry God of War.

"Even if I wanted to help you Ar, I can't. *I* didn't put any spell on you.
So I can't take it off."

His dark eyes began to turn red as rage fueled the power gathering just
beneath the surface of his skin. Ares tipped his head back, ready to summon
his son. With a shriek of real fear and concern, Aphrodite jumped towards
him, one hand held outstretched in supplication.

"No! It wasn't Cupid! He didn't do it either! *Please* Ares! Don't... don't
do whatever you are planning to him! It's not his fault."

His shout hovering just behind his teeth, Ares whipped his head around to
stare daggers at his sister.

"Who then?!"

Aphrodite winced and backed up a step. She shrugged generously, desperately
trying to distract him with her jiggling chest and her best smile. Grimly, he
ignored her blandishments.

"WHO!"

"The Furies!"

Her ringing shout echoed in the sudden silence and Ares felt a shiver of
dread sweep along his spine. His voice was a stricken whisper. "Wh... what?"

Wringing her hands together, Aphrodite began to pace nervously. Her voice was
shrill with suppressed fear even as she layered it with annoyance and
frustration.

"It's your own fault Ar. You were tearing apart all the couples we were
working so hard to put together. Either through wars and battles or through
deceit. You crossed the line, so... you're being punished."

Shock ripped through his mind, momentarily banishing his anger. Confusion
swirled around him and only one thought made it through the whirlwind inside
of him.

"How? How do I break this curse?"

Aphrodite cringed again. Then, she seemed to gather her inner strength and
turned to face him.

"Look Ar. This *isn't* going to be easy for you, but I want you to know that
*they* choose the punishment. Apparently, you are now two people in one body.
A War God and a Love God. Each one will be able to have control of your body
for six hours before you switch back. The only way to break this... cycle is
to fall in love. *Both* of your personalities have to fall in love."

She winced again.

"With the same person. And that person... well, they have to love you back."

For a long endless moment, nothing moved, nothing spoke and no sound of any
kind existed. Ares merely stood there, stunned beyond all comprehension as
the Love Goddess' words slowly sank into his mind.

In another six hours he would revert back to a Love God once more.

To stop this, he had to fall in love... and be loved back.

A wave of icy fear speared his soul and for a second he thought the intensity
of his next realization would cleave him apart.

*Who* could *ever* love War?

Then the anger hit him again. Pure righteous fury tinged with frustration and
fear. A big burning ball of power exploded in his chest. Throwing his head
back, Ares God of War *screamed* out his pain and rage to the heavens. That
glowing ball of negative hostile energy poured out of him in a concussive
detonation, instantly leveling the Temple of Love around him.

The white marble roof ripped from its moorings and flew through the air.
Pillars and statuary burst into rubble and dust even as tapestries and fine
cloth erupted in flames. Solid walls crumbled around him into ruins and heaps
of cracked stone. Burning hot wind stormed in a swirling dervish, stirring up
dust and pebbles, throwing the debris about aimlessly.

And in the middle of it all, Ares God of War and Violence stood still, his
rage a living thing. Sparkling red energy danced on his skin, long sizzling
fingers of pure force reaching out to destroy anything it touched. The
mindless note of horror and fury spilling from his lips reached the ears of
each of his loyal followers and small skirmishes and battles broke out
randomly across all of Greece.

Then, in the blink of an eye, he was gone, leaving the Temple of Love in
utter ruin.

TITLE: Panic?... Can do.
SERIES: Bending Ares [part six]
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, WWOMB and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: R
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: Not sure if this counts as a "spoiler" or a "story note", however,
you all need to know that this chapter directly follows "Joxie!" [part 4] and
happens simultaneously with "Anger Management" [part 5] - only from Joxer's
POV as opposed to Ares' POV.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: In which Joxer takes stock of the situation he has suddenly found
himself in.

*
Panic?... Can do.
by Scorpio
*

Breath hitching in his throat, Joxer stayed leaning against the cool stone
wall for several long moments. He was certain that Ares would reappear any
second now and reduce him to a smoldering pile of sludge... or something at
least equally as nasty and unfun. So, he was more than a little surprised,
and unnerved, when the furious God of War did *not* show up to end his misery.

Gathering his courage, and crossing his fingers in a gesture type of prayer
to Fortuna the Goddess of Luck, Joxer slowly peeled open one eye.

And heaved a *huge* sigh in relief when he realized that there was no raving
lunatic of a War God wanting to bathe in his blood *or* trying to make his
blood boil with lust. Truthfully, both ideas were more than a little freaky.
Granted, the later was definitely more enjoyable, but still freaky.

Figuring that this was his cue to get the Tartarus out of here before the
insane ::gorgeous:: frightening ::sexy:: angry ::luscious:: dangerous God
came back and decided that he had unfinished business with which to torture
him, Joxer looked around for the first time. That's when he noticed that he
was no longer at the village Inn he had been bathing in. He was somewhere
else... somewhere clean and neat and filled with luxuries that Joxer had
never, and probably would never, be able to afford.

The walls were white marble with blue veins running through it and the floor
was of the finest ceramic tiles he'd ever seen. The furniture made it obvious
that this was a bedroom. In fact, one whole wall was taken up by a huge brass
bed dressed in blue and white silks, velvets and linens. A large oak wardrobe
held several outfits of leather, silk and quilted brocade. And in the far
corner stood a tall mirror with a gilded frame. Tapestries, glazed vases and
elegantly displayed weapons decorated the walls and several shelves. There
was only one door.

Swallowing hard, Joxer was suddenly hit with the knowledge that he was in
Ares' personal bedroom. An icy sliver of terror raised goosebumps on his skin
even as his traitorous cock twitched in approval. Joxer glared at it... and
was forcibly reminded that he was still standing around with his pants undone
and his feet bare.

A quick glance around proved that his normal clothing and armor was still
gone to... where ever it was Ares had sent it. All that he had was the brown
leather pants and the cream silk shirt that Ares had left him wearing. And no
boots.

Modesty demanded that he lace up the leather pants and the shirt, but that
still left his feet bare. Dashing over to the large open wardrobe, Joxer
hoped to find *something* to cover his feet. Boots, sandals, wooden shoes...
he didn't care which. Fortunately, there was a pair of sturdy boots in there.
Unfortunately, they didn't fit well. They were a bit too large, but at this
point Joxer didn't care.

Stuffing his feet into the boots, he firmly ignored the thought that he was,
in essence, stealing from an insane God. A *dangerous* insane God.

Once he had the boots on, Joxer went over to the only open doorway and
pressed himself flush against the wall next to it. As silently and slowly as
he could, Joxer shifted as close to the opening as possible. Then, taking a
deep breath to steady his nerves, he quickly darted his head out and peeked
through... to see an empty short hallway.

With a sigh of relief that there was nothing there that was any obvious
threat, Joxer stepped fully into the hallway. It was done up in blues, just
like the bedroom, however it seemed to be darker... less white. There were
also two doors. One in the middle of the hallway on the right hand side and
one at the end of the corridor.

Careful not to make any noise or to trip over his feet, Joxer edged down the
hall to the first door. Repeating his cautious tactics from before, Joxer
quickly peeked around the edge of the archway to find... a bathing chamber.

Stepping inside for a closer look, he realized that there was no other
entrance or exit to the room. Only the one he came through. In fact, the only
real features to the room were the huge pale blue marble tub with its fancy
brass fixtures and the large skylight situated directly over it. Bright
sunlight shone through the clear glass illuminating the room and all of its
shiny clean surfaces. With a vague wish that he had been able to bathe in
*this* tub earlier instead of the splinter filled wooden one at the village
Inn, Joxer turned to leave the room.

The last doorway was a little harder to sneak up on due to its placement in
the hallway, but Joxer somehow managed. Another quick breath for courage, and
he peeked into the room. This last room was longer than it was wide. Each end
held a huge light gray stone fireplace and the entire room was also decorated
in blues and white. One side of the room was filled with soft overstuffed
chairs and couches with small low tables interspersed here and there. It was
obviously an area used to sit and chat with a small group of people. The
other end of the room held a large oak table with several matching chairs
arranged around it. A large centerpiece of blue candles stood in the middle
of the table. Ares' dinning area.

And once again, the only door in the room was the one that Joxer came in
through.

Joxer absently noted that fact as he slowly wandered about the common rooms
of the suite. In fact, it took several long moments before it sunk into his
mind to what that fact *meant* to him. There was *no* outside doors. Each
room held one door... that lead to the hallway. *None* of them led *out* of
this suite of rooms. The *only* way to get out was the way the *Gods* came
and went from places.

He was trapped.

TITLE: Mischief and Discord
SERIES: Bending Ares [part seven]
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, WWOMB and The Den
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied),
Strife UST Cupid
RATING: R
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
SPOILERS: None really.
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly
means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: In which Ares rally's his troops and holds a strategy planning
session.

*
Mischief and Discord
by Scorpio
*

Slowly, little by little, Ares managed to expend enough energy and cause
enough damage that his emotions fell from 'unthinking rage' to 'cruel and
cold'. From an outsider's perspective, it would probably be difficult to
decide which state of mind was more frightening.

Unthinking rage in the War God manifested violent, bloody and usually
involved the destruction of material things. His attacks were swift,
unpredictable and there was no way to defend against them. He roamed about
the Mortal Realm, popping into a random location and destroyed those
buildings, shrines and parks sacred to his sister Aphrodite.

The waves of fury pouring off of him would inevitably influence the local
populace. Fights broke out where ever he went. Even normally sedate and
peaceful folk took up arms and attacked their neighbors. One matronly women
with several grown children and hordes of grandchildren was seen to grab up
her favored cooking skillet and brain her equally elderly husband upside the
head with it.

After an hour or so of mass destruction, Ares began to visit various Warlords
and Bandit Chiefs. His demands started out as simple expressions of anger.
"Attack that village!" "Burn down that farmstead!" "Kill those people!"

After a while, Ares began to calm slightly and his analytical mind began to
reassert itself over his churning emotions. His commands became more complex
and plots and plans began to emerge. By the time he was calm enough to
actually deal with the real situation, he had almost half of the warriors in
Greece all converging on the same location.

Once the beginning of his plans were in motion, Ares returned to the Temple
that he'd originally transformed in. He arrived in a flash of sizzling red
energy that made his Priest's scramble for cover. Taking a good look around
at all the *bright cheerfulness*, Ares cringed. For half a moment, he
seriously considered either turning everything black or just blasting the
place to rubble, but then he changed his mind. With his luck, after the next
personality switch he would just go find a *new* Temple to redecorate... and
if his alter-ego needed a place to be "happy" then *one* Temple was enough!

With a sigh, Ares allowed a quick moment of self-pity to wash over him. He
*really* didn't deserve this, did he? It was bad enough that *he* could
remember everything that had happened... but so did everyone else. And it was
only going to get worse. He'd *never* live this down.

But there was no way to avoid it. He needed help to get out of this mess. He
needed it *now*. The faster they figured out how to either break the curse
or... fulfill it, the faster he'd be back to his old self, permanently.

Steeling himself for the looks and comments sure to come, Ares tipped back
his head and shouted out his summons to the sky.

"STRIFE!!! DISCORD!!! Get down here! Now!"

A mortal heartbeat later a green shimmering disturbance in the air resolved
into sparkling energy that slowly revealed the Mischief God. Another two
heartbeats later a second disturbance, this one purple, shimmered into the
form of Eris, his twin sister.

He waited a brief moment. Four, three, two, one... Eris snickered loudly,
amusement clearly displayed in her dark eyes. Strife on the other hand just
looked around with his jaw dropped open as he goggled at everything. Finally,
his pale eyes came to rest on the mortal warrior Ares' alter-ego had strapped
naked to the wall and the Mischief God gestured at the man and giggled.

"Been... ah, redecoratin' I see. What's wit' th' breathin' artwork, Unk?"

Ares bit back a groan of embarrassment and quickly figured that the
threatening approach would work best.

"He *annoyed* me! Want to join him? I'm sure I can find a wall for *you* as
well."

An oddly thoughtful look came over Strife's face and Ares almost smacked
himself in the forehead. That kind of threat only worked on certain types of
people... and his nephew wasn't one of those types. For Strife, that was more
like asking him out on a date. Ares sighed again and Strife turned back to
look at him, a leer on his face.

"I'll definitely keep it in mind... for later." The Mischief God turned to
glare at his mother. "When the place isn't all cluttered up with trash."

Eris, never one to sit back and take insults when she could retaliate, turned
on her son, a ball of blazing purple energy forming in her hand.

"You little shit! I should've drowned you at birth *despite* what Ares' said."

Then, without pause, the Goddess of Discord flung her energy weapon at
Strife. The Mischief God raised up one hand, a glowing green transparent
energy shield forming in front of him with a thought even as he returned her
fire with a sizzling bolt of green energy.

Normally, Ares got off on this type of confrontation. He got to enjoy
watching a delightful little fight and then he would reward the winner with a
blazing jolt of healing energy and a night long romp in his bed while the
loser sulked off somewhere to lick their wounds and gnaw on their liver.
However, he needed *both* of them in relatively unscorched condition and
doing his bidding.

"Stop! Both of you! Stop right *now*!"

He emphasized his command with twin blasts of sizzling red energy. Each one
found its respective targets. In identical explosions, Mischief and Discord
both flew across the room to slam into the far wall. Fight over. Ares
declared *himself* the winner. He waited the few heartbeats that it took for
them to drag themselves up off the floor and try to dust themselves off. Then
he began issuing his orders.

"Eris! I've got a job for you. An *important* one, so *don't* fuck it up or
I'll turn your skull inside out again."

The Goddess of Discord paled. The last time he'd done that to her, it took
her two months to recover. Strife snickered at the memory, but a glare from
Ares shut him up quick.

"I've got half of Greece marching on Megara. I want complete control of that
stretch of land between the Gulf of Corinth and the Saronic Gulf. All
overland trade between Corinth and Athens will have to come through *me* from
now on... or they will have to sail around the entire Peloponnesus land mass
and into the Ionian Sea!"

One glance at his sister and his nephew proved that he had their undivided
attention as well as their unfailing support and eagerness. This campaign
would change the entire world's politics if they pulled it off. And they both
realized that.

"Once I control the landbridge, I'll set sail for the Island of Salamis...
and from there the Island of Aegina. By the time I'm done, the entire Saronic
Gulf shall be mine."

Ares paused a moment to glare intensely at the Goddess of Discord. Once he
was certain that she was totally focused on him, he continued.

"What I need *you* to do is to keep the troops focused so that they all
arrive there. What's more, I need you to make sure of two things. *No one* is
to do *anything* to profane one of Cupid's Temples or Shrines *nor* Athena's
Temples and Shrines on the way there."

Eris looked startled and confused at that.

"I mean it Discord. Not even one little Shrine!"

He waved a dismissing hand at her.

"No go!"

She disappeared in a flash of light and a shower of purple sparkles. Strife
just looked thoughtful and giggled a bit. When Ares turned to look at him, he
raised one raven eyebrow inviting comment. Strife shrugged, but answered
anyway.

"Even if ya *do* make sure that her Shrines ain't touched, Athena's *still*
gonna be pissed. Athen's *depends* on their barter with Corinth! Old iron
britches is *not* gonna like her merchants havin' ta pay tarifs ta go over
land, and right now th' Saronic Gulf is *hers*."

Ares shrugged, mostly unconcerned. He grinned then, a snarky and sly sort of
grin. It was quite evil, really. The Mischief God giggled.

"This is all true... however, *Corinth* isn't under the rule of any one God.
And I plan to tariff *Corinth's* merchants. If an Athenian merchant can
*prove* that he's there on legitimate business and that he is a true servant
of my *beloved* sister..."

Both Gods snickered at that thought, but Ares continued anyway.

"...then I'll let him pass without taxation. The same thing with ships
passing through the gulf. Those that legally fly Athenian flags will pass
unmolested. Corinthian ships, however... Now that's *another* matter, isn't
it?"

For a brief moment, Ares allowed himself the enjoyment of contemplating the
upcoming campaign. He felt true enjoyment from moving vast numbers of armed
men about the countryside, especially when all of them were intent on doing
his bidding. Then the true realities and motivations for all of this rushed
once more to the front of his mind and his good mood evaporated once again.

"And now *your* job."

The Mischief God straightened up and looked intent and focused. Ares smirked,
knowing that Strife wouldn't enjoy this assignment any more than Ares was
going to.

"I need you to go and collect a few people and bring them back here to me."

Strife nodded. This was par for the course with big battle situations. The
core people and leaders needed to confer directly with Ares and Strife often
brought them to meetings and then returned them to the troops. This time,
however, it wasn't *quite* the same... at least, not yet.

"I need you to go find my *annoying* idiot of a half-brother and his pesky
hunter and bring them both here to me."

Strife flinched back in surprise.

"Jerkules?"

Ares nodded and continued before his nephew could begin to argue.

"*And* go get Xena and her equally pesky bard."

"But... but..."

"*Now* Strife! It's important... you'll find out why *later*. Just *do* it."

The Mischief God goggled at him stupidly for a long moment, but when Ares
created a blazing ball of sizzling red energy he blanched and disappeared in
a shower of green sparks.

With a resigned sigh, Ares watched him go and then sagged back onto his
hideously *blue* throne. It was difficult to resist the urge to pout. He was
slowly sinking into a new bout of self-pity when an unexpected sensation
intruded onto his awareness. The sudden silence and lack of Godly presence no
longer overwhelmed the feeling of a... a *mortal* in his private chambers?
What the fuck?

With a thought, Ares translocated himself to his personal bedroom.

A soft banging sound and low voiced muttering was coming from the bathing
chamber. Curious as to *who* could be in *his* private suite, Ares sauntered
through the open doorway and into the hall. A few steps brought him to the
archway leading to his bathing room and he glanced in.

Only to find that Joxer was *still* here from before. And that he'd dragged
several pieces of Ares' furniture in from the sitting room in here with him.
The man had carefully arranged a long couch to straddle the blue marble tub
and he had then placed a few chairs and low tables on top of that. Then he
himself had climbed up this pseudo ladder and was now perched precariously on
top of the entire mess. The man was carefully reaching and straining upwards,
trying desperately to reach the skylight... most likely so that he could
"escape".

Not sure if he should feel amused or insulted, Ares' cleared his throat
loudly. The sudden sound obviously startled the man, because he flinched
violently. Then he lost his balance and fell. With a loud wet splash into the
tub below him. Sputtering and spitting water, a bedraggled and soaked Joxer
the Mighty lifted his head above the water and peered sheepishly up at the
glowering War God.

"Oh. Hi Ares."

TITLE: Confessions and Plans
SERIES: Bending Ares (part eight)
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: The Nesting Place, JLA, AJCS, CKoS, WWOMB, and The Den.
FANDOM: Herc/Xenaverse
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer (eventually), Xena/Gabs (implied), Herc/Iolaus (implied), Strife UST Cupid
RATING: R
CATEGORY: Comedy (hopefully)
WARNING: None really.
NOTE: The series name comes from the expression "Get Bent", which roughly means to be f*cked by a male... ::grins::
DISCLAIMER: The myths, legends, faithful true believers... oh yeah, and TIIC.
SUMMARY: In which Ares confesses part of his problem and part of his plan to the "fab four" and discovers that the 2nd Lieutenant of War is perfect as the *1st* Lieutenant of "Love"...

*
Confessions and Plans
by Scorpio
*

Ares stood glowering down at the sopping wet and utterly pathetic man cringing in his jacuzzi tub and entertained the idea of zapping him with enough power to melt him down to liquid soap. Perhaps stick him in a fancy hand-pump jar for easy access at bath time?

He was about to do just that when he realized that Joxer had been the only person that his alter-ego had managed to find that hadn't laughed in derision at him as soon as he appeared. Like the wispy half remembered horror of a nightmare banished by the sunlight, Ares could recall the sensation of being laughed at. He was used to being feared, hated and scorned...but laughed at? Made fun of? Teased? That had *never* happened to him before. At least, not to his face. And he had found that being dissed left a sour taste in his mouth.

And Joxer had been the only one to take him seriously.

The man had been trembling in his alter-ego's presence. Both from fear *and* desire. Even though he himself as a *War* God saw his alter-ego as a silly ponce, the "silly ponce" *did* have feelings and they had been trampled horribly by everyone else. In a rare display of compassion, Ares decided to let Joxer live. For his alter-ego's sake. After all, the man deserved at least *one* follower/friend. Right? Ares could spare the least of his warrior's to his "Love God" self.

Surpressing a shudder at the thought of his alter-ego, Ares merely waved one arm in a broad sweeping gesture. Joxer ducked back under the water, but the War God's power hadn't been aimed at him. It had been aimed at the hastily piled up furniture that Joxer had used to create his pseudo-ladder. One by one, each piece of furniture disappeared in a bright flash of white light and with a loud *pop* of displaced air.

Once all the chairs, tables and the couch were back in place in his sitting room, Ares waited for Joxer to reemerge from the bottom of the tub. Silently, he waited and watched as little air bubbles rose up to the surface. Idly, he wondered if Joxer was planning to drown himself in order to avoid whatever horrors the man imagined that Ares would force upon him. However, despite the mortal's fervent thoughts and wishes, he *didn't* turn into a fish and he was forced back up to the surface to gulp down a large draught of air.

Ares smirked at him and crooked one finger in a gesture that plainly insisted that Joxer climb up and out of the tub. Cringing in fear and red faced with a mixture of embarrassment and a distinct lack of air, Joxer sloshed out of the jacuzzi and splashed water everywhere in the process. For a long moment, Ares was tempted to leave him sopping wet so that he *and* his leather pants could air dry, but then the War God imagined the mortal dripping water all over his Temple. With a growl of irritation, Ares snapped his fingers. The War God was pleased to see Joxer flinch at the sound of his snap before the bright flash of light momentarily blinded them both.

Instantly, Joxer was completely dry and presentable. And blinking in unabashed confusion as he alternately stared at Ares and goggled at his own dry body. Apparently, the mortal had been expecting a slow painful death, not assistance. The mortal opened his mouth and took a deep breath. Ares could almost *see* the questions bouncing around inside of Joxer's head. Quickly, he held up one finger and placed it against Joxer's lips to silence him before he even started.

"Just...be quiet. I'll...explain everything in a bit. But for right now, just stay silent and consequently, healthy. Okay?"

Joxer's mouth clamped shut and he nodded his head hard enough to knock him off balance. Rolling his eyes and sighing, Ares reached out once more, this time clamping his hand around Joxer's arm. With a flex of his power, he translocated them both out to the main receiving hall of the redecorated Temple of War.

*

Chaos reigned supreme. Normally, the sight to which he was currently being treated would have amused him greatly and he would have been tempted to place bets on the outcome, but at the moment it merely served to irritate him further and make him grind his teeth.

Strife had, indeed, brought his half-brother, his daughter and their mutual lovers here. The mortals had been easy for the Mischief God to contain. He has simply resorted to chaining them to Ares' alter by means of an iron collar around their necks. However, normal chain and iron couldn't bind either demi-God for long and as such, both Hercules and Xena had gotten free and were trying to simultaneously free their companions and chase down the Mischief God. Strife, of course, was having a blast, laughing and giggling as he hopped, somersaulted and "blinked" in and out of reality around the enraged warriors.

It was a loud, violent and dangerous row that was directly responsible for the various broken clay vessels and cracked pillars. It was also grating on Ares last nerve. Turning to Joxer, he pushed the man into a seated position next to his glaringly *blue* throne and hissed at him.

"Stay here! Don't move or I will personally *gut* you down the middle. Got it?"

Joxer paled and broke out into a light sweat.

"No problem. I'll just...sit right here. I won't move a muscle. Honest. I'll be Statue-Guy. I won't even *blink*."

Grunting in acknowledgment, Ares wondered if the weirdness of the day had finally broken what was left of the mortal's mind. Then he pushed that thought aside for later contemplation, he had much more important things to worry about. Turning and standing at the front of his alter, Ares raised both hands and pulled his power to him, creating twin blazing balls of sizzling red energy that hovered in the air mere inches from the skin of each palm.

"ENOUGH. OF. THIS. SHIT. STOP NOW!!!"

Instantly, everyone stopped what they were doing and whipped their heads around to look at him in startled amazement. Almost immediately, Strife threw off his compulsion due to his pure Olympian blood, but he *also* knew better than to fuck with the Uncle who also happened to be head of the House he was aligned to. In this case, War.

Hercules and Xena would soon be able to find the inner strength to also throw off his compulsion due to *their* divine blood, but Ares wasn't going to give them the chance. He threw the twin balls of blazing energy at them. Each one hit it's target perfectly and exploded in twin flashes of brilliant white light. When the light faded, it revealed that both Xena and Hercules were standing in a separate tall iron barred cage. One on each side of the room. Neither cage had a door of any kind, merely four walls of bars and a ceiling of bars.

Hercules was the first to recover. He snarled at his brother for a long moment and then growled out his words in a passable imitation of Ares himself.

"Do you *really* think that these can stop me, Ares? I can *bend* metal thicker than this."

His normally handsome face twisted into a parody of itself by his anger and arrogance, Hercules reached out with both hands and grabbed the bars. Only to scream and jerk in place as the sound and scent of burning ozone and sizzling flesh echoed through the room. Then the demi-God was suddenly thrown back and onto the floor of his cage.

Ares smirked evilly and gestured at the cage bars.

"Yes, but *only* if you can actually *touch* the bars. Living lightening is currently running through those metal bars and you are just a *tad* too mortal to touch it without immense pain and agony."

Ares shrugged a bit deprecatingly.

"A little trick I picked up from father-dearest. Be thankful, the cage that Zeus stuck *me* in would have *killed* you. And I'm not planning to keep you locked up any longer than necessary *He* did it for kicks and because he was mad at *Hera* but couldn't punish *her*."

Hercules looked dazed and a bit confused, but Ares stalked across the room and grabbed hold of the electric bars without any apparent effect and snarled at his hated half-brother.

"I bet you get a huge kick out of knowing that everytime you complain to *daddy* about Hera that *I* am the one he takes it out on, huh? *Hera* kills your wife and kids and *I* spend the next five years locked in a time bubble in Zeus' torture chamber paying for her crimes. Yeah, I bet you *love* that idea."

Hercules had finally shook off the effects of his electrocution and gazed at his brother in confusion and hate.

"You're *lying* Ares. Father wouldn't *do* that."

Ares ignored him because he didn't expect any other answer, but Strife merely looked over at Hercules, his eyes haunted and sad even as his lips were twisted into a grimace of derision.

"No Jerkules, Unc *ain't* lying. Gramps ain't strong enough ta take on Gran so he attacks her only weakness. Her kids. An' in case ya too stupid ta figure it out, tha's the House a War an' that puts Unc Ares at the top a his hit list."

Everyone was silent for a long moment while that concept sunk in. It was Gabrielle that broke the tension with her own brand of snarky sarcasm.

"So... What? You brought us all here to whine at us about how unfair life is to you? Come on Ares, even *I* wouldn't fall for that."

In a blink, Ares shifted his focus to her and he couldn't help but smirk at the shudder that she tried to suppress at his attention.

"No. I really don't care what you think of my relationship with my father. Nor do I care if you believe me or not. If I *did* care, I would simply *prove* my words true, but that's not why you are all here."

This time it was Xena that spoke. She was perhaps the only one here besides Strife who *knew* what he was truly capable of and never underestimated him, even if she didn't follow him any more.

"So why *are* we here Ares?"

Flopping down to lounge on his throne, Ares spared a moment to scowl at it's bright blue color before turning to face her. When he answered, his voice was a growling snarl of anger and resentment.

"My *idiot* sister Aphrodite saw fit to call down the Furies on me for messing with your relationships. In a fit of stupidity, the Furies judged me and then leveled a curse on my head. Very shortsighted of them to do so because as soon as I break the curse I'm going to go after them and make them regret ever fucking with me. However, for the moment, I'm *stuck* with this stupid curse."

Gabrielle was the first one to make the connection. Her eyes got almost comically wide and she slapped a hand over her mouth to try and stifle her giggles. It didn't work too well.

"Oh dear. Are you trying to say that earlier that really *was* you and *not* Aphrodite?"

Ares growled as he was momentarily torn between wanting to rip the bard into quivering chunks for laughing at him and wanting to melt into the floor with terminal embarrassment.

"*Yes*. That was *really* me. *Cursed*."

Iolaus frowned in confusion and spoke up with his normal lack of self preservation.

"Um...for those of us who *didn't* get a free preview, what are you talking about?"

Ares willed himself not to blush as embarrassment slowly took over his homicidal instincts. However, he knew that if *he* didn't explain, than *Gabrielle* would and she would paint him in the worst light possible. Growling and internally cringing, Ares snapped his answer at the blonde hunter.

"I've been cursed with a split personality!"

Xena frowned as she considered that idea.

"You mean like Aphrodite did to Joxer?"

Everyone's attention swung from the War God to the man trying to blend into the background on the floor next to him. Ares' eyebrow quirked up in curiosity.

"Joxer was cursed by Dite? With a split personality?"

Xena and Gabrielle both nodded, but it was Xena that explained.

"Yeah. His personality switches every time he hears a bell ring. Fortunately there aren't very many bells around. Metal is too precious to waste on anything but weapons and farming tools for something so frivolous as bells. But the curse never faded or broke. One personality is the sweet kind Joxer we all know and love and the other is a pretty fierce warrior and...uh, um...womanizer."

Ares blinked in surprise. He wouldn't have believed that the cowering man before him was capable of any type of womanizing *or* fighting if he hadn't personally experienced the effects of a divinely created split personality himself. He carefully tucked that fact away for later examination in closer detail.

"So...what is *your* other personality, Ares?"

The snarky voice of his half-brother snapped his attention back around and he snarled at the demi-God.

"The thing that *you* should be worrying about is what I'm gonna *do* about it. You see, there are only a few beings strong enough to break a curse by the Furies. The Fates *or* the combined powers of the King and Queen of Olympus. Mom would do it for me, but Zeus? He *likes* to see me suffer. However, if *you* were to ask him, he'd do it for *you*."

Hercules snorted in arrogant amusement.

"And why would I do anything to help you?"

Ares shrugged as if the matter were supremely unimportant to him and made a broad gesture around himself.

"It's completely up to you little brother. Far be it from *me* to force your hand in *either* direction. The way *I* see it, I'm in a win-win situation. Either you help me get Zeus to break the curse *or* I get complete control of Corinth. Your choice."

Ares' expression grew mockingly thoughtful as he pressed home his point in patently fake tones of concern.

"Just keep in mind that the *only* Army that I *can't* order to march on the city of Corinth is Athens. Even *if* Athena came to the defense of Corinth, the combined armies of all of Greece, the Peloponnese Land Mass, the Pyrenees, the Upper Aegean nations of Thrace and Macedonia *plus* the various island nations would swarm your mortal brother King Iphicles under easily. No matter *what* you did."

Ares' expression grew hard and cold.

"Until now I've only been playing around with you *little brother* and that was because father *ordered* me to "be nice and not hurt you". Well, the end of my patience has finally been reached. You like to think of me as a joke? Fine. Go right on ahead laughing up your sleeve. This is no longer about annoying a half-breed brother because I'm bored in between mini skirmishes. This is about WAR. And in matters of war, *I* am the true master and *you* are nothing more than a bit player with a direct route to daddy's ear. Even *he* can't stop me from this."

Gabrielle sneered.

"Do you honestly think that we can't stop you? We've done it before."

To the blonde bard's surprise, it was Xena who hissed at her and *not* Ares.

"Gabrielle. *Shut up.* This is different this time."

Ares looked out over the sea of faces. Gabrielle looked shocked, but she was staring at Xena. His daughter was looking at him with an odd expression on her face. Thoughtful and concerned all at once. Iolaus just seemed confused and irritated, but Hercules looked doubtful behind his mask of arrogance. Strife was grinning at him with unabashed glee at the thought of a major confrontation the likes of which hadn't been felt by the people of Greece in almost a century.

His point made, Ares waved both of his hands in twin sweeping gestures. A wave of glowing red light washed through the air and across the room. As it hit each of the mortals, they disappeared in a flash of bright white light and a *pop* of rushing air.

A squeaking terrified voice pulled his attention down near his knees to where he had forgotten about Joxer.

"Where...where did they go?"

Ares shrugged.

"I sent them to a small clearing near a stream about ten miles away. Don't worry, I didn't hurt them."

Suddenly, without any warning at all, a wave of invisible energy shivered across Ares' skin and sunk down to his bones. He became very still for a long moment as deep seated shifts were made in the most basic part of his mind and soul. Finally, he was released from the grip of the 6 hour mark as his curse was renewed and he shuddered. A full body shudder that loosened up his tension stiffened muscles.

His scowl melting down into a leer, Ares shifted forward slightly and grasped a hold of Joxer. Pulling the frightened man up and into his lap, Ares began to methodically unlace his cream colored shirt.

"Now Joxie, when I left you earlier I *specifically* said that your *best* look was half undressed, didn't I? And then you turned around and did it up all closed. *That's* no fun. How can I touch your skin if there's all these naughty clothes in the way?"

Joxer whimpered and squirmed on Ares' lap. He was torn between the need to run away and hide from the demented God and the need to get closer to the man who was petting his now exposed chest. When an undignified snort and a high pitched giggle interupted Ares' attempts to tweak his nipples, Joxer didn't know whether to be grateful or angry.

"Unc? You okay?"

Ares turned to look up into the face of the confused Mischief God and grinned. Then he frowned.

"Oh no, sweetie. Black is *too* severe for your skin tones. You look positively *pasty*."

With a shriek of unrestrained fear, Strife was enveloped in a wash of blue sparkling energy and a cascade of white flower petals. When the power surge faded away he found himself wearing skin tight green leather pants and a shimmering silver tunic with green detailing along the collar and cuffs. His once heavily gelled and spiky hair was now laying in soft curls around his face and he gave off the distinct scent of vanilla musk.

"There. All better now."

Strife looked down at his new clothes with an expression on his face that was half amusement and half horror. With a dawning suspicion growing in his eyes, the Mischief God looked up at his Uncle.

"Um, this alter-ego a yours? It wouldn't happen ta be a Love God, would it?"

Ares' answer was simply a throaty chuckle with naughty undertones as he grabbed a firm hold of Joxer's groin causing the mortal to thrust into his hand and try to squirm away all at once. He succeeded at the former, but not the latter. Ares had too strong a grip on him for that.

Suddenly, a spark of hope and excitement flared in Strife's eyes.

"Um, hey Unc? Think ya could hook me up wit' Cupie? I mean, he's *hot* and I can really go for some a *that* action. Ya know wha' I mean?"

Ares just leered at him while Joxer whimpered again.

tbc