Welcome to AresJoxerCupidStrife

Also, small warning. You are about to enter Strife's head. Tread carefully.

Title: The Best Laid Plans
Author: Shadowgrl
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess
Rating: R
Spoilers: None

You know, you�d think I�d be used to not having things work out right for me by now. I mean, I AM the God of Mischief, after all, and it�s my job to make things not go the way they�re supposed to. Of course, I�m supposed to be immune to my mojo, but what can I say?

Somehow things never work out the way I mean them too. I always wind up getting stuck in the middle of some tiny little part that manages to screw me over. Which could, and usually did, lead to some sort of punishment from Unc� or whatever God or Goddess I happened to piss off.

And they say family is a joy.

Whatever.

But I was real careful with this. It meant a lot to me and I wasn�t gonna scew it up. I mean, my chances were slim to none already, being who and what I am. I didn�t need any more things to get in my way.

Who would have thought that things would turn out the way they have?

I certainly never did. But here I am. Lying on the bed, fairly comfortable, considering I�m in chains, and thinking about what I had planned. It wasn�t a concrete plan but I had a general idea of where I was going and what I wanted. I kept it a secret, of course. Can�t have everyone finding out how much I wanted this to work out. I DO have a reputation after all.

But things didn�t really work out how I had planned.

Still I can�t say I�d change anything. Although the chains were a little much. At least for the first night.

I�d better explain this though. Cleo was here earlier and she told me this was going down in the books as a momentous occasion; the taming of the Mischief God. I didn�t think I was THAT bad.

So, like I said I had a plan. I was gonna get what I wanted no matter what and I was gonna do it my own way.

Now you�re thinking, what did you want? To be God of War, to find out who your father was, what? Yeah all the obvious things were what you thought of first. But I�m a complicated fellow and while knowing who my dad was sounded great, I was also realistic enough to know that the only ones who knew, namely Mom, Unc�, Hera, Zeus, �Dite, and Apollo, were not going to tell me. And God of War? Hades, no! Losing Unc� would be awful and besides, Mischief is a lot of fun.

I wanted a family. A wife and kids. A home; a real home, one where I was loved and gave love in return. A happy, playful, loving home. Yeah, that was what I wanted.

I�m a pretty young God. Only about three hundred years. And it took me a while to figure out what I wanted. Before that I was, well, a teenager. I was having sex with anyone that crossed my path. Men, women, didn�t matter, I was all for the pleasure. And it was good. But it wasn�t really enough somehow.

It was only in the last few years that I realized what I wanted and it was Unc� who clued me in. He�s a pretty sexual guy, always got at least four lovers. But he never really seemed to, well, like them. They were just there to be used.

And hey, I had no problems with that. I had my own followers, adult, of course. No matter what my family says I am not crazy and I am not sadistic. I don�t fuck children. That�s just gross.

But I know I felt empty. It wasn�t satisfying, aside from the physical. In fact, it was kinda boring. Create mischief, play a prank, help Unc� and Mom out with a job, go to the temple, fuck some random follower, go home and go to bed. Monotonous.

Then, a few years ago, maybe ten now, Unc� started to change. He got meaner, more frustrated, more obvious about disagreeing with Zeus and trying to win Xena back. Now, being me, I naturally cased the situation for opportunities to cause trouble. Being close family didn�t make Unc� immune, after all. I�m glad I did too, because that was what told me what I was missing, what I had been looking for.

Unc� was in love. And he didn�t know what to do about it. He is War. Who could possibly accept him? Well, as soon as I saw the object of his affections, I knew there wouldn�t be any problem with that. Joxer the Mighty. He wasn�t so mighty, at least not in the way he wanted to be, but he was strong in the ways that really counted. Loving, brave and fiercely loyal, I personally thought Unc� had made a great choice. So, as a personal favor, I decided to stay out of it. But I did watch. Unc� is a great seducer, but it�s very hard to seduce someone when every time you appear you have to fight an old worshiper you personally trained so knows how to kick your ass. And it was even harder with the blonde harpy trying to convince Joxer to stop worshiping Ares and follow the Way. And since Joxer was obsessed with said blonde harpy, that just added more complications to the mix. So I decided to give Unc� a break and keep my nose out of it. I just watched.

And realized what was wrong with me.

I wanted someone to come home to, Hades, I wanted a home to go home to. I wanted someone who understood me, who knew what I was and accepted me. I wanted to love someone, to know what they were thinking of with just with a glance and without using my powers. So I had to seriously think. So I took off. And wouldn�t you know that�s what started my slide into, well, these chains.

I was gone for a while, trying to sort things out. And I guess everyone got worried and thought I was making up some sort of big prank to play. Technically speaking I guess they had that right since the last time I disappeared I accidentally, no really, set off a, what did Demeter call it?, oh yeah, a polar ice storm. Well, how was I to know I shouldn�t pull that thing out of the ground! It�s not like there was a sign or something saying �I�m the only thing keeping several underground plates from slamming together and causing a huge terrible earthquake which will shift the land around and cause perpetual winter to descend here.� I mean, anyone can make a mistake.

So anyway, I went away and I brooded. I had some weird flashes while I was there, which I found out later were my relatives attempting to find out where I was so they wouldn�t be caught surprised when I emerged, but I wasn�t used to people looking for me so ignored them.

It took me a few weeks to figure out what the empty feeling inside me was. And then it took me a few more weeks to decide how I could fill it. Then another week to try and figure out how to go about making it happen.

So, all in all, it was about two months before I came out of my cave. Of course, I didn�t get very far. Before I had even gotten used to the sunlight again, Artemis and Apollo were there and they had me trussed up faster than Unc' could say Charge!

Which brings me to the present. Sort of.

I wasn�t about to tell anyone what I�d been doing or why. I had no desire to become the laughing stock of Olympus. Any more than I usually was and I didn�t understand why they were being so nosy.

So, since I wouldn�t talk and they wanted to know, they all decided to look inside and find out. By this point I was fairly exasperated and made some threats that caused quite a few faces to pale. Then Hera decided to play dirty. She decided that only one of them could look in my head since I obviously wanted to keep it private. It would have to be someone trustworthy who wouldn�t use the secret for their own personal gain.

There was such a god?

It turned out there was. One that I had subconsciously avoided all of my life, first from fear, then jealousy, then later from attraction. I mean, really big, couldn�t even talk without stuttering in his presence, attraction. My day was sucking really big at this point.

She called Cupid.

He argued of course. Said it wasn�t fair to me, they had no reason to believe I was planning something, etc. She just said it was either him or Hermes, who was the biggest gossip on Olympus and I knew that if he did it my secret want would be out in the open before I could blink. I groaned in despair then. Which one was worse? I didn�t have time to decide as Cupid finally said he would look.

He approached me and I couldn�t help but flinch away. He was so strong and beautiful and just being near him made me dizzy. He looked in my head and I thought he would go snooping around, but he didn�t. He just looked, found, smiled at me gently, with a strange look in his eye though, and told the others there was no prank. Of course, then he added that if there hadn�t been one before, there would be soon after this. I never saw a pavilion clear out so fast!

He untied me, helped me up, and told me he thought I would find what I was looking for, maybe even sooner than I thought. Then he left, leaving me standing there all befuddled from having him touch me inside and out. Luckily, Hera shut my mouth for me and gave me a helping boost back home. Not enough to get her completely off the hook, but enough for only a small dose of mischief.

So there I was, having dinner with Unc� and Joxer, when Cupid flashed in. It had been a few weeks and I was still thinking hard about things. It was the first time I�d seen him since the incident and I was stunned. He looked even more magnificent than usual. His skin was gleaming, his wings so white it actually hurt my eyes to look at them. I felt shivers run through me. He and Unc and Joxer talked for a bit while I sat there like a dummy trying to figure out why he kept sneaking glances at me and smiling softly. And then he turned to me.

I began to hyperventilate.

Next thing I knew he had me in his arms and was flashing off. We reappeared in his temple, well actually, in his bed, where he proceeded to seduce the stuffing out of me. Not that it took a lot to convince me. I had been in love with him for a long time, and although part of my plan involved somehow getting over him, I had been realistic enough to know it would take me quite a while. Truthfully, I had been delaying starting to try.

I don�t know how long I was there, but I do know that I ended up marrying him. Yeah, I distinctly remember that, because it happened yesterday. We�re on our honeymoon now. We haven�t had an opportunity to talk really since Cupid kept us pretty busy with sex and all. Then there was the ceremony, which I don�t really remember, I�ll have to pay a visit to The Halls of Time, and then there was the sex again. Then Cupid had to go do something and I guess he was afraid I was gonna leave cause he chained me up. Then Cleo appeared and here I am.

But I�ll tell you a secret. Cupid knew what I wanted better than I did. See, I knew I wanted a home, someone to love me and be loved by me and all that jazz. But what I refused to acknowledge, even to myself, was that I didn�t want a wife. I wanted a husband. I wanted to be the seduced, not the seducer.

Cupid saw that. He saw who I wanted to chase me, who I loved. He saw himself. And he was happy when he saw it. It made him think and he realized he wanted me as much as I wanted him to see me. So he decided to seduce me and marry me. Of course, if I had known what was going on I could have provided more of a struggle, but I think it worked out pretty well for both of us this way.

I have someone to love me and someone for me to love. I have a home. And okay, so I got �Dite as a mother-in-law, Cupie got Mom, so I guess we�re about even there. Yeah, I think things will be just fine.

Now if I could only get out of these chains.

I really gotta have a talk with Hep, I mean, whose bright idea was this anyway? Chains that a God can�t get out of. I mean, really, I wanna know who came up with this! It just isn�t right. Sheesh!