This is a one off. Don't expect anymore to come of this. *grin*
Title: Bumper-to-Bumper
Author: Tequila Worm
Genre: H: LJ; X: WP
Rating: PG-13, for some of the language. It isn’t strong, it’s just…raunchy
Disclaimer: Yeah, right, like I could own those beautiful gods. If I did, do you think that I would be living in a little house and eating at my parents every night? I don’t think so.
Warnings: This is totally silly. There is no redeeming value to it. I’m not even completely sure if it’s funny. I was hunting through the challenges on AJCS and came across this one, the One Liner Challenge from Marion.
Pairing: There isn’t any…well, beyond the mention of marriages.
Archive: AJCS, Joxerotica, Bottom of the Bottle. Anyone else, ask, so that I can perfect my Snoopy dance.
Spoilers: Yeah, right. *Snorts* As if.
Feedback: Hell yeah. I have a feedback monster that needs constant feeding.
Dedication: To KiwiJess and Mirai, for being my girls, to Mel for getting over her cancer, for my aunt, for having a good attitude towards hers, and for all the boys and girls on AJCS and Joxerotica. You people ROCK!!
Summary: A Chicago traffic jam creates some interesting reading.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Strife and Cupid, with their kids, Bliss, Zephyr, and the twins, Tic and Tac (that, of course, was not their real names, but that’s what everyone called them) were lounging around their home on Olympus, discussing their day.
“I watched traffic today, in Chicago. Honestly, Chicagoans are the most fun to stick into a traffic jam,” said Tic, Goddess of Annoyance.
Strife looked at her proudly. “They are, aren’t they? I especially love reading their bumper stickers. They get so creative.”
Cupid looked curious. “What do you mean, babe?”
Strife waved a hand at their viewing mirror, and the scene shifted from a meeting of the Untied States Senate to a bunch of cars stopped dead. Even thousands of years after the Twilight, and fifty some-odd years since the creation of the television, this family preferred the mirrors.
“Look there,” said Strife, pointing to the rear of one of the cars.
“Support bacteria, they’re the only culture some people have,” read Cupid.
*Snort* Bliss, Zephyr and the twins tried to stifle laughter, but failed miserably.
Strife pointed again. “How about that one? ‘OK, so what’s the speed f Dark?’”
One by one, the family began reading the profusion of little sayings.
“Save the Whales. Collect the whole set.”
“I am out of estrogen, and I have a gun.”
“Whoever said it is impossible to reach the speed of light never met a mother.”
“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”
“99% of the gods give the rest a bad name,” snickered Strife, glancing at Cupid.
Almost as if it was expected, the chime that alerted the family to arrivals went off.
“It’s Grandma Dite and Grandpa Heph!” squealed Zephyr, launching herself at her grandparents.
“And Grandpas Ares and Joxer!” announced Bliss, claiming that set of grandparents for his own.
Cupid and Strife glanced at each other. What was everyone doing here? Strife held up three fingers and began to countdown. Before he got to zero, the chime rang again, and Eris and Jett flashed into the room.
“Hi Ma, hi Jett. What is everyone doing here?” asked Strife, looking slightly suspicious.
Ares was the one who replied. “We heard you laughing, Strife, and it worried us.”
“Chill out, Dad, We were only reading bumper stickers,” Cupid said, suppressing a smile.
“What?” the adult voices reflected their perplexity.
Tac piped up from where she was sitting on Jett’s lap, examining one of his throwing knives. “Bumper stickers. Things on the bumpers of cars that have little slogans on them like ‘I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.’”
“Or, ‘Why do clairvoyants have to ask you for your name?’”
“Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked onto jet engines.”
“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
Aphrodite giggled. “Amazing what mortals think up. ‘The early bird my get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.’”
Joxer grinned as well. “How about ‘Change is inevitable, except from traveling merchants.’”
“I almost had a clairvoyant girlfriend, but she left me before we met.”
“Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.”
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”
“How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?”
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”
“I live way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”
“A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.”
By now, everyone in the room was laughing hysterically.
“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
“What happens if you get scares half to death twice?”
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
Strife managed to calm down enough to read off one more. “I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.”
“Just goes to show you that mortals do have a sense on humor,” observed Joxer, who was clutching his stomach and leaning against Ares.
Ares smirked. “They have to. They have Strife to deal with!”
The home of Mischief and Love rang with laughter that could be heard all over Olympus.
The End.
Broken links or other errors can be sent to
Carrie. Suggestions are also welcome.