Welcome to AresJoxerCupidStrife

TITLE: Coffee Break
AUTHOR: Scorpio
ARCHIVE: ::giggle-snort:: If you *really* want this drivel, you can have it.
FANDOM: Xena/Buffy crossover
PAIRING: Ares/Joxer, Spike/Xander
RATING: R (minor language issues)
CATEGORY: Non-reality, humor, fluffy stuff
DISCLAIMER: Eenie, meenie, miney, *moe*.
SUMMARY: Scorpio's muses enjoy a Union sanctioned "coffee break".

Coffee Break
by Scorpio

Ares, God of War sat sprawled across a huge granite throne type chair wearing skin tight "fuck me" black leather pants and a vest that was designed to highlight his bulging muscles and bronze skin. His raven hair was slicked back from his face in soft shimmering waves and his goatee set off his scowl just so. He was the original "bad boy" and he made sure that everyone could tell this fact with a single glance. In short, he was HOT.

He also held in his one hand, a big black shiny mug, from which coffee scented steam rose up into the air. Because caffeine consumption was *garunteed* in his contract. Don't believe me? Read the fine print.

His companion, on the other hand, was naked. The man was tall, lean and wasn't so much muscular as he was solidly built for endurance. His skin was pale, almost creamy and his soft hair was baby fine and hung in straight medium brown locks. While the man didn't have Ares' divine 'dangerous and sexy' aura going for him, he *did* give off major "cuddle me" vibes.

He was currently having a dilemma. He stood before two sets of clothing. One, a ratty and worse for wear set of homemade armor. The other, a pair of brown leather pants and a cream chin silk shirt. He was uncertain which outfit to put on. The first was *his* favorite and he felt comfortable in it. The second was *Ares* favorite and he never wore it for long. ::smirks::

Ares didn't offer to help the man figure out which set of clothes to put on. He just sat back and enjoyed the free peep show.

"So... Arry, do you think *she'll* write about us today?"

Ares scowl deepened and he growled low in his throat.

"Don't get me started. I have *no* idea what's wrong with that simple minded tart. I ask you, what could *possibly* be holding her attention for *so* long?"

"That would be me, pet."

A bit startled at being interrupted, Ares turned his head to see a... baucci?... with bleached blonde hair and wearing a long black leather jacket stride towards him out of the fog. The blonde had icy blue eyes and insane cheekbones that made Ares think that somewhere in his ancestry you'd find Strife. A taller, heavily muscled, dark curly haired mortal was trailing behind him and scowling fiercely.

"I *so* don't think so Bleach Boy. It's *me* she loves."

The blonde turned to face the mortal boy who had followed him into the "break room" and graced him with a look that spoke eloquently of his extreme doubt for the poor lad's sanity. Then, popping a cigarette into his mouth, he lit it up with a single flick of his lighter and blew a puff of smoke at the mortal.

"You just keep letting that denial work for you, luv. It suits you, it does."

The dark haired mortal took in a deep breath with which to snark right back at the baucci, but Ares wasn't in any sort of mood to listen to them bitch. If he was, he'd have called for his nephew Strife.

Jumping up out of his throne and blinking away his coffee with a thought, Ares struck a dramatic eye-catching pose and roared in his best commanding "I am a God so don't fuck with me" tone of voice.

"Enough! Who are you and what in the name of Hades pink panties are you talking about?"

The blonde smirked at him and the brunette just grinned cheekily and sassed back.

"Angelus much?"

At this point, Ares' still naked companion, Joxer, walked over to the three arguing men. He rested one hand lightly on the God of War's arm, instantly calming him from a homicidal rage into more of a mere "pissy" mood. Then he turned to face the two newcomers.

"No really. Um... where *did* you guys come from? 'Cause I didn't see a door and I know the Olympians can do the whole step out of thin air thing, but that was pretty cool. I mean, what you two did. And who is it that loves you?"

"Well, ya see it's like this. There's this bird named Scorpio and she..."

The blonde baucci trailed off to glare at his companion. The boy was staring at the naked man's dangly bits. The blonde growled at him. Still, the brunette never blinked. Finally, the baucci's face shifted into something other than human. His eyes glowed gold, his brows became sharply ridged and his canine teeth elongated into fangs. Then, he whacked the boy on the back of the head.

"Bloody Hell Xan! Stop staring at the bloke's cock or I'll get all jealous and kill you."

The boy, Xan, tore his eyes away from Joxer's fun parts and flashed an exasperated glare at the blonde.

"Hey! I'm 19 years old. What do you expect?"

The two growled at each other until Ares, bored with the whole thing, waved a graceful arc with one hand and Joxer was suddenly clothed. In the brown leather and silk outfit. Joxer looked down at it, sighed, reconsidered a moment and then smirked. He was gonna get some GOW lovin' tonight.

The action thrilled the boy, though.

"Cool! Can you do any other tricks? 'Cause my friend Willow? She's a witch and does all sorts of freaky magic, but she's *never* done anything like that. Although, she made Spike here fall in love with Buffy once...which was just *Eeeewwwww*. But no ones perfect, right?"

Ares frowned at the boy. He talked almost as much as his Joxer did. And made just a little sense.

"*I* am."

The boy blinked in confusion.

"You are what?"

Ares rolled his eyes. Mortals! Sheesh...

"Perfect, of course. What did you think I was?"

"Um... hot and sexy?"

The boy clamped a hand over his mouth and blushed. Spike growled. Ares smirked.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes you did, pet. And you're gonna bloody well pay for it later. I should tell the Nibblet on you and make her whine at you for hours about insensitive boys."

Xan suddenly looked frightened.

Ares cleared his throat. Loudly. Everyone stopped and looked at him. Certain that he was once again the center of everyone's attention, he spoke.

"That still doesn't explain who you are."

The blonde baucci rolled his ice blue eyes.

"I'm Spike and that's Xan. Scorpio has been writing lovely little stories in which I get to kill him. Lots of bloody fun that is. He does the whole undead thing so well, my pet does. Now... what do you say we forget all this socializing crap and move on to more important things. Like shagging."

The blonde smirked up at him. The brunette boy grinned, well... more like leered, at him. Joxer nodded his head enthusiastically and prayed to him *loudly* about the merits of nakedness. What's a poor beleaguered War God to do?

"Okay, fine. Everyone get naked."

And a good time was had by all.