Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Title: Mass Hysteria
Author: Corona
Rating: R
Archive: Want, ask, take, have.
Pairing: A/J C/S X/Ap D/A H/Z Hm/Ph/D Ha/Gy
Warning: Happiness and over exuberance, labour (scary for some I know)
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody here. I never have done and I never will. I'm borrowing all of them for this story, I'll give them straight back afterwards.
Series: Sequel to Making Connections.
Summary: Xena goes into Labour and all hell breaks loose
Feedback: Please, if you like it.
Notes: I have never had a baby, I've never seen anyone have a baby. So if this is wrong just be smug in the knowledge. They're divine ok! Oh and the pairings were just fun, er sorry if they confused anyone.
A rustle in the darkness and a brief muted flash, Xena peered over her own shoulder and was rewarded with a rather lovely view of her naked husband. She made a small appreciative noise and then snuffled back into her armpit. Footsteps across the marble and lips against her cheek. "I'll be back"
"I know" she mumbled. The doors thudded shut and she wiggled over onto her back. Gave a groan of annoyance when the entire bed swayed with her. 'I am not a huge elephant person I'm just pregnant' Aphrodite had taught her that, sometimes it helped.
It wasn't helping at the minute, she'd seen an elephant pee once. It sort of reminded her of her. She was distracted by a sharp cramp and tried to shift over some more. The cramp went deep and squeezed. Her eyes crept open, was that a-oh ouch! She bolted as upright as a heavily pregnant woman could get.
"HERA!"
---
The Queen of the Gods was vertical in an instant throwing both the sheets and half of her sleeping husband aside. Used to this he simply rolled out of the way and muttered softly.
"Zeus wake up, Xena's in labour" the King of the Gods sat up and scratched while his wife whizzed about the room flashing herself dressed and flinging open her cupboards.
"Zeus, I want you on your feet in exactly five seconds" she snapped from the darkness. She turned only to run smack into her husband, paused,
"Darling you have your pants on your head?" he frowned, still mostly there instead of here.
"And I think it's one for each leg" she gestured at his trousers. Obediently he started undressing again. She cleared the ottoman from a standing start and pulled open another cupboard. Zeus was still trying to work out what went where. Hera waved an arm and dressed her husband herself.
"Do try to pay attention dear, we'll have two new Gods to swear in today" then she took off at a run. Zeus waited until the papers and drapes had all settled down then sighed.
"Who's Xena?"
---
//ASCLEPIUS WE HAVE A SITUATION HERE!//
"Arrgh" the God of healing and medicine fell out of bed. Groaning and holding one hand to his head he stood, rubbed his eyes a few times. He yawned, felt around for his clothes, then gave up when he couldn't find them and flashed himself some. Why were people always dying at unsociable hours.
//NOW ASCLEPIUS//
"I'm coming" he yelled to no one in particular.
---
"Can you hear screaming?" Strife lifted his head out of a wing and cocked his head.
"Yep" Cupid burrowed a little deeper.
"Oh, thought it was me"
"Do ya think it's important?" they both listened some more.
"Maybe"
---
"Joxer!"
"hrufl"
"Joxer!" no he didn't want to wake up, he really didn't.
"Joxer by all the Gods get up, now!" an extra hard jerk on his shoulder swiveled him fully onto his back and he was left squinting up at his husband, who was mostly just a really dark blur covered in white spots.
"Whassf" which admittedly didn't make sense but it was still dark.
"Dammit Joxer get up now before I throw you over my shoulder buck naked!"
The bed bounced viciously and there was the sound of bare feet slapping across the room. They returned and something hit his face. It turned out to be his trousers. He focused on them, they were quite nice trousers. Something shifted,
"Whoah" Joxer found himself in a very awake heap at the foot of the bed.
"Joxer my daughter is about to give birth!"
He'd never got into a pair of trousers so fast in his life, managed mostly because Ares was holding both his shoulders.
"Oh God, Oh God" Ares had just enough time to roll his eyes.
"Yes that would be you, now come on!"
---
//HERMES GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE NOW!// Hermes lurched upright on a groan. Jostling the figures either side of him.
"Who's yelling, it's early" a muffled voice somewhere at his thigh.
"It's for me, go back to sleep" the muffle turned into a growl, a sleepy voice from his left couldn't let him wiggle out of the bed without his own contribution.
"Hmm can't stay still for five minutes, busy, busy" a giggle from down the bed.
Hermes slithered off the bed and clothed himself.
"Sorry guys, duty calls" a long hand waved him away.
"That's alright we'll still be here when you get back." the sheet shifted, revealing a long line of porcelain skin and curves Aphrodite herself had sniped over. Hermes made a short regretful noise, twins, what the Tartarus was he thinking in his line of work.
---
Eris glared at the door as another set of feet went slapping down the corridor. What was this a parade that no one hand told her about. There was a whoop and a short thud. Voices too muffled to make out and she couldn't be bothered to expend the energy. What in Tartarus was going on.
She folded her arms and leant up on an elbow. She was loathe to wake her lover but this was ridiculous. "Artie" her hand settled and shook.
"Artie?" a long slow stretch, which made her pause briefly. She didn't have to tell her about the noise in the corridor. Another stretch, then rigidity, utter awareness.
"Why is Cupid yelling 'It's started, It's started'" Eris frowned, then turned her head at the exact same moment as Artemis, they both slowly grinned, threw the sheet back.
---
"Xena nature is not going to give you a choice in the matter" Hera had that annoying little smile that told Xena she'd something stupid. Well she didn't care dammit.
"I am not having these babies until my damn husband gets his arse in here" she said again, slowly and clearly. Hera pulled a face then nodded, tugged a stool out from under the vanity table and sat on it.
"Very well if you insist" a short flash produced a rather fetching tapestry in varying shades of purple. Hera retrieved a needle from her bun and crossed her legs.
"You just tell me if you change your mind dear"
---
The doors to Cupid's temple smashed open, sending two quite nice busts into smithereens when they hit the floor. Ares whirled into the room like a force of nature, snatched the sheet and whisked it off the bed in one movement.
"Get up, babies!" then he was gone trailing white silk. Joxer clambered on the bed, not caring in the slightest that his stepson and husband were naked as the day they were born.
"What are you two doing, get up!" he bounced back down the bed, fell off the end and went chasing Ares through the doors.
Cupid and Strife watched the small hail of feathers swirl around.
"Was it me or was that weird?" there was a short silence.
"Whose babies?" Strife offered.
"Oh my Gods" in stereo and they both tried to move at the same time, headbutted each other and ended up a sprawled heap on the floor.
---
"Get them out and do it now!" Hera patted the hand clenched white in the front of her dress. Gave the Chakram pressed underneath her ear a cursory glance. Pieces of tapestry fluttered round the room like confetti.
"There's a good girl, see that wasn't hard at all"
---
There was already a crowd when Asclepius got there. Proof that word did indeed travel fast on Olympus.
"Excuse me...sorry...no not yet...excuse me...thank you" actually it was mostly unnecessary they'd swayed him towards the doors of Hera's temple anyway. Which opened for him and him alone.
---
The group outside Hera's temple could now technically be labeled crowd. Ares and Joxer had tumbled in just before Artemis and Eris. Then a bruised half-dressed Cupid and Strife had made an appearance. Followed shortly by Zeus who'd got lost looking for the bathroom. Then a very excited Ganeymede had skidded to a halt next to them with a squeal of his golden sandals. Hermes, having done the rounds, was now leaning against the doorjamb waiting for more news.
"Did I miss anything! Has it started yet, are there babies" nine faces turned to regard Aphrodite, there was a short pause, then a snigger. Strife was the first one to start laughing like a horse, closely followed by Eris. Then Ares had to hide behind Joxer, who was having enough trouble of his own.
Aphrodite looked down, she was wearing her pajama's, yeah so? She blinked touched a hand to her hair, then her face. She still had her rollers in and her flattering green face pack. "Oh Tartarus" but she didn't change, she burst out laughing instead.
Part 2---
Ares grabbed his sister and hugged her. Ignoring the smear of green that gathered on his own cheek. "I'm going to be a grandfather, again!" she grinned and hugged him back if only to give him matching stripes. "Oh and I'll be an Aunt, which doesn't sound quite as old" they grabbed Joxer and made it a three-way.
"Are we hugging?" Artemis yelped and dragged her lover in their direction.
"We're hugging" Aphrodite squealed and dragged her sister down, kissed her on the cheek, decorating her at the same time. Eris was dragged into the melee though she wasn't protesting too hard. Joxer was dragged out again to be hugged by Cupid and Strife.
Ares was hugged from behind and he didn't care who it was, they were a small person so he turned and hugged them as well. It turned out to be Ganeymede, Ares blinked.
"I'm not groping I'm hugging" Ganeymede squeaked defensively. Ares shrugged and hugged him some more.
---
Zeus decided to get into the spirit of things and went looking for someone to hug. He found Hermes, bruised a few ribs and moved on.
---
Hermes bent over, wheezed a little, tried to make the ground stop throbbing. A pair of slender bare feet appeared. He followed them.
"Aphrodite hugged me" and Phobos didn't look happy, but he did have an adorable smear of green across his forehead. Hermes grinned, Gods he hadn't realised how much he missed that voice when he was whizzing around.
"Are you going to hug me too?" judging from Phobos expression a hug probably wouldn't be appreciated. In fact they barely saw each other in public. The twins were trouble magnets, Hermes was no angel himself but Phobos and Deimos seemed disinclined to tarnish his reputation any further by letting people know about them. Since when was Panic so compassionate. The only person he protected was Deimos, but he loved hi-? Oh Wow, talk about epiphany.
"Nah" and was encouraged when Phobos face fell slightly.
"Good" he said flatly. Hermes grinned
"I'm gonna do this" and he snatched one arm, slid his own behind Phobos back and tilted him. Caught his small gasp in an openmouthed kiss which sent whistles and catcalls through the hall.
When he released him the God of Panic was surprisingly red. Hermes didn't think skin that pale had any blush in it. He grinned, Phobos blinked and his mouth wobbled slightly. Hermes had just technically made their relationship official, well half of it anyway.
"Hermes, exactly what are your intentions towards my son?" Phobos made Hermes century, by blushing again. He was saved by his brother. Who had found something to lick, surprise surprise. "Zeus just hugged me" and he didn't sound all that happy about it.
"No one threw a killer party like this when we were born" He fished around inside the many pockets of what looked like one of Hermes own robes.
"I found a lolly in here" Hermes reached out grabbed the stick and very slowly pulled it out of Deimos mouth. His eyes widened and he made a small sound. Then after giving him a long careful look he bent forward chewed Deimos bottom lip. The God of Fear made a scratchy noise.
"Herm, there's people watching" and indeed there were, in fact everyone was watching.
"We um, came to see how things turned out" Phobos offered into the silence. Hermes looked up, Ares was grinning at him.
"Well they're great so far" Hermes pointed out and offered an arm to each brother, was amazed when they both accepted.
"Does this mean we can screw in public?" Deimos piped out. Phobos growled.
"No but if you're naughty he can now spank you in public" Deimos let out a little whoop of joy.
---
Ganeymede realised the true meaning of irony when he was clamped against a solid chest and smacked on the back heartily. A little too heartily for his spine.
"This whole hugging thing is fun, we should do this more often" Ganeymede risked a look at Zeus, "Ahh you're the wine boy" Zeus grinned wider.
"Nice to see you up here, been busy with my brother I expect. He seems completely taken with you I know that much." Ganeymede gave a short euphoric grin.
"He does?" and realised belatedly that everyone had stopped talking. They were now all looking at him. Mostly in blinking surprise.
Oh this was too much really. He'd done nothing but serve wine for the last millennia because Zeus went a little funny, now he finally had a lover everyone was ready to call him a desperate whore. He couldn't win, it would be nice if Xena was here, only she was busy giving birth. Something suddenly occurred to him. He glanced over the crowd.
"Umm not that I'm trying to change the subject or anything but where exactly is Apollo?"
Hermes mouth dropped open.
"You're kidding me. He's not here?"
"Hermes!" and whoah he couldn't remember the last time all the people yelling at him had been in the same place.
"I'm gone!" and then he was, leaving Phobos and Deimos to fall into each other.
---
Joxer blinked, turned into his husband.
"He kissed them, in public, this is great!" Ares was grinning. Cupid appeared like magic, flanked by Strife who was seeing if anything else noteworthy was going to happen.
"Hey guys ya think Pol's gonna get here" Ares snorted
"You think my daughter will give birth without him" Joxer was grinning
"I don't think she'll have much choice in the matter" Ares raised an eyebrow.
"Wanna bet?" Joxer smacked him in the arm, jumped when someone smacked him back.
"Joxer!" Joxer turned into a face that could have not only launched a thousand ships but made sure their wives and daughters packed and went along for the ride.
"Ganeymede"
"Joxer can I talk to you?" and he didn't look particularly patient. Hands twisting the tie of his pants into tiny knots. He glanced at Ares, who was preoccupied then nodded and shuffled a little further away.
"What's wrong?" Ganeymede pulled a face.
"It's all going wrong!" he wailed, which attracted enough attention for Joxer to sidle them a little further away.
"Ganeymede calm down." then small hands were fisted in his shirt. Ganeymede looked down, squeaked and pulled them away.
"Sorry" Joxer, who felt a breakdown approaching attempted to pat Ganeymede's arm, which was disturbing.
"See that's the whole point, that right there!" Joxer nearly jumped a foot.
"I can't do this" and that lovely face collapsed into wetness.
"Do what, Ganeymede?" and now there was a tiny spark of anger.
"Joxer I know one thousand four hundred and sixteen sexual positions but I don't know how to have a conversation about the weather" Joxer was lost.
"Huh? Really a thousand?" now there was a tiny scowl.
"You see, it's pointless, I can't have a relationship, which won't at some point involve the weather!" Joxer sent a quick desperate glance at Ares, who was eyeing him curiously.
"Xena was helping me" and now Joxer's eyes were back on his.
"Helping you?" If Ganeymede were capable of blushing he would have done.
"Not like that, helping me know things, other things, places, plants, ten ways to skin a carcass. Oh Gods and now everyone knows. I didn't want anyone to know until I became a person." Joxer blinked.
"You think you're not a person?"
"He's been so nice to me and Zeus told me he likes me"
"Who?" Ganeymede swallowed
"Er...Hades" Joxer struggled to let his face stay calm, if he cracked up there'd be trouble. "Now everyone knows and we never got to the weather." Joxer blinked, oh if this wasn't so bizarre it would be tragic. It was like those old soldiers who just died when there was nothing left to fight. He found Aphrodite in the crowd and sent her a brief summons. She came running, face pack mostly gone. She'd been in a sharing mood today.
"Aphrodite when this is all over would you do something for me" Aphrodite shrugged happily. "Anything Joxie" and he had to blush because she meant it. Aphrodite blinked, Joxer bent forward and whispered in her ear. She balked "Her! You want me to take Ganeymede to her" Joxer nodded.
"Yes please" Aphrodite looked down, then wrapped an arm around Ganeymede's shoulders. "It's a date, now why don't you come talk to me, It's been ages" Joxer chewed his lip, briefly wondered if that wasn't a very bad idea. Then made his way back to Ares.
---
Cupid sent a bewildered glance towards his mother.
"Er what was all that about?" Joxer locked eyes with Ares, mouthed 'later'.
"Do you ever get the feeling that no one tells you anything anymore?" Strife was still peering around. "Hey, Strife!"
"Huh, what?" because a pissed off Cupid was not conducting to warm fluffy sleeping arrangements. "I was listening"
"No you weren't, you were staring at Phobos!" Strife blinked, ok admittedly he had been staring at Cupid's brother, only because he looked like he might pass out and that would be fun. On the other hand if he admitted to it or stayed silent he was in big trouble. Oh shit the arms were folding, the arms were folding!
"My Cousin is having a baby, my husband is right next to me do you really think now would be a good time to stare at Phobos arse!" Cupid raised both eyebrows.
"For you yes!" Strife frowned, nodded, growled.
"Do you really think that's what I was doing?" Cupid glared across the hall at his brother, who was busy trying to get the lollipop out of Deimos hair.
"No, I know th-"
The rest was drowned out when the entire hall shook.
"What the fuck was that!" Ares snapped, there was an almighty smash and the two doors canted sideways, then collapsed.
"Oh I think Daddy's here!" Aphrodite squealed. She was proved right seconds later when Apollo came storming through the doors, yelling as he went.
"And no one thought to tell me this why exactly!" Ares took a very small step away from his brother as he stamped past. Apollo tossed the whip he held to his sister.
"Park it" then he palmed the doors open and disappeared inside.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, until Eris peered round the outer door. "Umm does anyone know how to turn the sprinklers on, because the grass is on fire!"
---
Apollo dodged a vase which came sailing through the doors.
"Asclepius, I don't give a shit what excuse you have this time. Either get your father here or I'm going to skin you and make a hat!" Apollo grinned, Yes that was his wife, and she was incredible.
"It's no use hiding, you think I won't come out there" Apollo slid round the door-frame.
"POL!" both arms came up at once, dropping the vase she was about to fling. Hera gave a sigh of relief. Apollo leant over a pile of towels and bowls and hugged his wife, ten seconds later he was thumped, hard.
He picked himself up off the floor and tenderly felt his jaw. She was a lot stronger than she looked. "You Bastard! Where have you been! I'm having babies here, this isn't shopping, I can't put it off til later!" Apollo blinked startled, and there she was sweating and red and quite angry, she looked amazing.
"Honey!" Apollo got a pillow in the face.
"Don't you honey me, get your arse over here now so I can tell your hand exactly how much this has been hurting" Apollo gave Hera a beseeching look, she merely grinned and cleared a space for him on the bed.
"Your son has been trying to calm me down for the last hour and where the Tartarus have you been!" Xena attempted to sit up properly, then realised she was in the middle of something. She reached out instead and managed to snag Apollo's shirt.
"Do I look like I want to be calm!" Apollo stood up. Xena gave a wail of epic proportions. "Don't leave, I'm sorry, I'll be calm" Apollo patted the hand clutching his leg really really hard. "Honey I was getting you another pillow" Xena glared at Hera and Asclepius in turn.
"I knew that!"
Part 3The minute the doors opened, there was a wave and Asclepius had to hold out a hand or be crushed. "Do you think you could possibly try and keep it down just a little" he shouted. The roar vanished to be replaced by a few coughs and some muttered 'sorry's'. That was when he looked at the crowd, and looked at it some more.
Everyone appeared to be wearing green face paint, well smudges of it here and there anyway. Most of Aphrodite's rollers had fallen out, but she still looked strangely frightening. Ares was bouncing, Joxer was trying to stop Ares bouncing. Cupid and Strife were attempting to give each other artificial resuscitation behind a pillar. Artemis looked frazzled, Discord was grinning at everyone. Hermes looked smug and he had an arm wrapped around Phobos who appeared to be blushing? Deimos was standing very still not doing anything. Ganeymede was trying to glare at him and Zeus was hugging a pillar.
"Well I see it's been far more exciting out here" he said quietly.
"What's going on!" Ares growled. Asclepius glared at him.
"Look will you stop yelling"
"That's my daughter in there!" Ares looked as if he was considering throwing Asclepius through a window.
"Tell us something?" Artemis snapped, literally, teeth inches from Asclepius face.
"What's happening dammit!" everyone turned to look at Ganeymede. He blushed and moved back behind Aphrodite, who grinned at him.
"Just a hint, is there blood yet" everyone glared at Phobos, who shrugged.
"Come on-"
Asclepius held up a hand for silence and in that second there was a slap and a very indignant wail. Eyes widened, mouths opened and all Tartarus broke loose.
First there was screaming, mostly Aphrodite. Closely followed by Artemis and then everyone wanted to play. Then there was hugging, more exuberant than before, congratulations were screamed at just about everyone for reasons unknown and everyone kissed a lot of people they probably shouldn't, but it didn't matter at the minute.
The double doors swung open and Hera stood majestically outlined between them.
"A boy and a girl" she waited until the second round of screaming had deafened everyone within a hundred miles.
"Xena says and I quote ' They can either stop the damn yelling and come see these two like civilised people or than can go home and sit on their arses'" she grinned when a dead silence proceeded her words.
"Please, do come in"
---
Hera obligingly widened the cot, and the babies closest family all leaned in as one. The first noise was a huge intake of breath.
"Oh Wow" Joxer offered. Which seemed to be the sentiment all round. Two babies side by side, clean enough to give the impression they'd been laying there all along.
The one wrapped in yellow was a girl, one pudgy hand squashed against her cheek. Bright blonde hair stuck out from all angles like candy-floss, big eyes slowly taking in all the huge faces peering in at her, she grinned obligingly, seemed to wave, then kicked frantically and made a grab for the closest thing in range, Phobos hair. The normally abrasive God obliged by letting her tug it for a while.
Laying next to her, legs tangled in his sisters was the baby wrapped in blue. Exactly the same colour as his eyes, which were studying his relatives calmly. Black spikes of hair floating around next to his sisters. He blew a spit bubble and then stared at his grandfather, made little 'Mmm Mmm' noises at him.
"Oh look at her hair!" Aphrodite breathed
"She'll be a heartbreaker"
"Aren't they precious"
"He's grinning at me!" Ares appeared adamant
"Ow"
"He's dribbling, are they supposed to do that"
"She's eating my hair, someone!"
"She's adorable" "She looks like you Pol" Eris offered
"Poor kid" Deimos giggled.
"He's a cheeky thing"
"He looks like Xena" the Gods looked at each other.
Apollo was grinning, leaning over the cot and grinning. Ares wasn't surprised. It had been centuries since his last kid. Eris cleared her throat. Aphrodite gave him a pointed look. He didn't seem to be getting the hint. Joxer poked Ares.
"Pol" he waved a hand in front of his elder brothers face.
"Oh Pol"
"Huh" Apollo blinked at him, grinning.
"You want to introduce us to your children" Apollo made a noise, let his arm swing into the cot. His fingers settled on blonde hair.
"This is Calera" moved to the side, brushed dark spikes.
"And this is Titus" Titus grabbed his daddies finger and proceeded to see how much of it he could stuff into his mouth.
"Awh" with the aid of some unknown gravity everyone drifted into their prospective couples, or trios as the case may be. Aphrodite contented herself with leaning over further letting Calera grab her fingers. Since her husband didn't like crowds and got embarrassed when people hugged him.
Joxer cocked an eyebrow at Ares.
"I wonder how exactly their Godhoods have mixed" Ares slung an arm around him. Joxer thought about Xena who was considered to be Battle and Honour though she had mentioned protesting. Joxer didn't think you could protest a Godhood.
"Well he did marry my daughter!"
"Harmony's your daughter" Ares shook his head.
"Mostly Aphrodite's" Joxer, whose own Godhood scared him if he thought about it too much, was Friendship and Loyalty. Which meant he could call Xena when friends got stabbed in the back to provide her own brand of retribution. It was kind of nice to work together.
"Titus will take after her, Calera will take after her father" Joxer liked the idea.
"Well that'll be nice"
"And both of them will be a handful" Aphrodite piped up.
"Say do you think Calera will really take after her dad?" Eris said suddenly with a suspicious look at Apollo.
"Why?" Eris grinned.
"Apollo how long were you a child for?" everyone thought about that for a minute, while Apollo's eyes widened, then he lifted his head.
"Mom, we're gonna need a bigger cot!"
---
Xena shuffled around, then folded the sheets back and shuffled around a bit more, then she yawned. She'd done her job, she'd had babies, time to go back to sleep. Then a thought occurred to her.
//Hermes!// a mental crackle, they always told her she was too loud, that she yelled at people. //Hi Mom// she smiled
//Very funny, get your butt in here// and then there he was balanced on the end of her bed.
"How ya doing?" She yawned loudly, and grinned and him.
"There some really pretty kids out there" Xena sniffed
"They should be look at their father" Hermes chuckled and leant forward, whispering.
"Nah they get it from their mom" considering the way she probably looked she actually took the compliment without glaring.
"Will you do something for me?" Hermes swept a bow.
"Your wish is my command" Xena grinned.
"You haven't heard what it is yet?"
---
Ganeymede peered up at the temple and frowned. He couldn't remember ever coming here, but he knew who lived in the huge domed building. The only thing stopping him from running a mile was the fact that he trusted Joxer, everyone trusted Joxer. So he knocked instead. There were a few thuds and the doors swung in. "Come in dear, I've been expecting you"
The door let straight into a huge kitchen, and it wasn't for show either. The pans had things bubbling in them, things which said by smell alone 'I've been made by someone who's been doing this a long time and is very good at it.' He couldn't resist peering into the closest one, sniffing delicately.
"Oh I expect you'd like some of that" he jumped a mile, knocking a rack of cutlery and making it clink around excitably. Standing by the enormous table was a large smiling woman. Wearing an apron and rosy cheeks. The smile grew as she looked at him.
"Joxer didn't tell me what a pretty little thing you were, oh but boys don't think that as much of a compliment nowadays do they" Well this was strange, Ganeymede debated reminding her he was actually almost three thousand, decided that would be rude, probably.
"Oh and such a skinny thing too" she immediately bustled to the fire and ladled some of the bubbling stuff into a bowl. Then she set it down on the table, pulled out a chair.
"There you go don't be frightened of me, I shan't bite" and the remark was completely devoid of any double meaning, it threw him slightly. He found himself sitting. She flicked something, then laid a napkin in his lap. He stared at it, she hadn't even tried to...
"Umm" She sat down next to him, ruffled his hair.
"It's alright to be shy" she flicked her own napkin
"Now eat up before it gets cold, and you can tell me all about the babies!" she smiled broadly. Strangely he found himself reaching for a spoon.
---
"You sent him to who?" Ares seemed horrified. Joxer scowled, he'd thought about it and he was sure it was the right decision.
"I sent him to Hestia. Ganeymede has been used since he was old enough to talk, he's been passed around from mortal to God like some prize to be won!" Joxer lifted a hand and waved it around angrily.
"Did you know he doesn't think he's a person, he thinks he's a thing. I just gave him the one thing he never had" Ares blinked.
"Huh?" Joxer sighed.
"I gave him a mother"
Ares stared at him dumbstruck for all of thirty seconds then very carefully laid both hands on his face and drew it upwards, kissed him very gently on the lips.
"And you wonder why I love you"
Part 4Epilogue
"OH MY GODS!" this was definitely not in his job description. Being grabbed and whirled around by insane little blonde women. If this hadn't been a personal request from Xena he'd be outta there.
"This is so cool" Gabrielle danced Hermes round a bit more.
"Are they precious, I bet they're just adorable. Is Xena ok? I got her last letter but she never said she was in labour. Oh but she wouldn't have known would she. This is incredible" then she screamed again, right in his ear.
He had come to the conclusion that Gabrielle was a madwoman. A few nudges here and suggestion there and he could have her in a pretty white all in one. Though that would probably piss Xena off and she was a Goddess now. He settled for returning her shiny grin and nodding.
"I can't believe I'm invited to the actual announcement, how great is that" she had to look again at the scroll stamped by Hera herself (if a little reluctantly.)
"I have to go tell someone. Who can I tell!?" and the facial expressions the woman went through Hermes was sure were anatomically impossible.
"Well not Hercules, that's for sure" she laughed hysterically.
"Hercules would just die!" Hermes lifted an eyebrow and paused long enough to watch Gabrielle hurtle away.
"Oh he would at that" Then with a very uncharacteristic bark of laughter, he vanished.
---
Everyone had to be back at the entrance to the main hall when Zeus and Hera appeared. Well Hera appeared and then spent the next five minutes looking for Zeus and then another five minutes were taken up with his pressing need to hug her.
Xena had demanded to either be let up or let out so now she was gliding around on a floating chair. Which she seemed highly suspicious of. She kept trying to touch the floor with her feet.
She'd floated over to Ares and Joxer at the first opportunity.
"Hi Dad, Hey Jox"
"Xena!" and she leant forward enough to be hugged but not fall out.
"Have you two been having fun?" Ares wrapped an arm around his husband.
"Lets just say it's been chaos out here and leave it at that" Xena raised an eyebrow.
"Typical, I do the work and you get to have all the fun" Joxer chuckled.
"There hasn't been time for fun, well apart from the hugging and kissing"
Xena raised an eyebrow.
"There was kissing" Ares eyes slid sideways, briefly.
"Yes"
"Who was kissing and why wasn't I invited?" Joxer coloured slightly.
"Everyone was kissing, and you were umm busy" Ares cleared his throat, and much as Xena would have liked to have heard the rest Hera was waving for quiet.
"So the party will be at seven tomorrow, when the children will be formally introduced and designated a Godhood" Zeus beamed at everyone, then paused and looked at his wife. "Oh I see there will be more celebrating in nine months time" there was a shocked silence. Hera cleared her throat, hid a smirk.
"Congratulations" Hera grabbed him and no one actually saw who he offered his congratulations to.
"Zeus" a pointed tug on his arm.
"Lets let everyone get some rest shall we" they flashed away holding horrible grins.
Xena frowned, looked at Ares? Joxer? Cupid and Strife? Ganeymede? Phobos? Deimos? Hermes? Eris? Artemis?Aphrodite? Then she shrugged and grinned.
"Well I'm going back to bed, with my husband and my children. I'll see you all tomorrow." With one last grin, she floated through the doors, which closed, leaving shocked silence.
The End