Title: Men on Babies
Author: Christine
Contact: QsMistress23@hotmail.com
Fandom: Xena/Hercules
Rating: R
Codes: Ares/Joxer
Archive: My site and AJCS
Disclaimer: I own nothing but socks and enough underwear to last me three
decades. So, please don't sue my happy ass, k?
Feedback: That would be nice. I could sure use some. =D
Author's Note: For Hergerbabe as always, just cause I can.
Summary: Y'all get to meet the little one. =)
We zoom in on three people. Two men sitting on a couch and a little teeny
baby in the big dude's arms...breastfeeding!? Eew.
<:^| Don't that hurt, Ares?
@:-\ It did the first twelve times, but now it kinda doesn't bother me
anymore. Ow!
Baby: *slurpslurpslurp* *gnaw* *slurpslurpslurp*
<:^\ You alright, Ares?
@:-| Yes, I'm fine. Our child just decided it'd be fun to bite down on
daddy's nipple. The little snap dragon.
<:^D *catches camera man once again invading their personal space, would ask
Ares to zap this one into dust, but one, he's busy and two this would be the
50th camera man they've gone through in the last year* Good morning, Greece!
I'm Joxer!
@:-| And I'm Ares.
<:^D And the little one sucking away like there's no tomorrow is Shawn.
*leans over and caresses little boy's cheek*
Shawn: *slurpslurpslurp sucksucksuck slurpslurpslurp*
@:-| He's our pride and joy, but he's made me lose my warrior figure and
won't shut up unless he's got something in his mouth. Hey, kind of like you,
Joxer.
<:^\ Funny, Ares. A real knee slapper that one was. *pout* Anyway, we don't
really have that many stories to pimp this time. We've been kind of busy
with little Shawn and since List Mom is the one who writes for this show,
we're lucky to be having one at all today.
List Mom: Hey, it's not my fault working at McDonald's took up all my time.
Plus, those damn muses have been spending more time with Apollo and his cock
of doom (tm) then with me. And right now I'm currently in the middle of
trying to write and finish a damn Harry Potter story that'll be longer then
My Way or the Highway and Opposites Attract put together. So, I don't want
to hear shiznit from the two of you, comprendee?
<:^| Er...
@:-O Ow! Damnit, Shawn, enough with the biting, darling. Or I'll put you on
the milk skin now instead of seven months from now.
Shawn: *gurgleslurpwaaaahslurp*
<:^( Ares, don't be testy with our little one. He's only four months old. He
doesn't know biting hurts you.
@:-( *looks contrite* I'm sorry, but his bottom teeth are sharp.
Shawn: *spits nipple out and jams tiny fists into mouth, smirking at daddy*
//...why is he so surprised? i mean he is my dad, der...//
<:^| Yeah, anyway, this is the newest installment of Men on. We've only got
two stories today to share with the rest of you. The first one on our list
is 'Unholy Terrors' by Lisa. It's about damn time too. I do hear she's been
away for a long while, what with a gang of little ones to take care of and
such. *smiles in sympathy* Anyway, the last three installmets have been
getting really good recently. There's suspence, there's cuteness with the
little toddler Cupid and Strife, but there's also sadness with teeny bopper
Ares. Makes me wanna cry at how sad little Ares is all the time. *sniff*
@:-| I told you, Joxer. They always write me being a wuss. Why? Huh? It's
because I just gave birth, isn't it? I told you, Joxer, me having the kid
would de-masculate me. Damnit! *pouts while placing Shawn over his shoulder
and gently patting the little guy's back until Shawn gives one hell of a
vurp(vomit-burp).*
<:^\ Eew. Had too much, eh, Shawny?
Shawn: *coo* //...well, yes I am a piggy, but daddy tastes good. Plus,
vurping was better then pooing...//
*before Ares can say anything in regards to his little boy, there's a bright
flash of pink sparklies before a high pitched sound resonnates*
Dite: *squees loudly, making dogs outside howl in pain* Eeeee! Is that my
little nephew! Lemme see, lemme see! *wiggles over, making her prominent
attributes jiggle every which way, before picking tiny godling up and
squishing him against her heaving bosom*
Shawn: //...whoa, daddy ain't got a set of knockers like these...// *giggles
baby giggles*
<:^\ *leans over and whispers to Ares* Is it me or is our son eyeing Dite's
breasts like he's in the Elysian fields?
@:-D Of course he is, he *is* my son afterall. *straightens up and preens*
<:^| Um, yeah. Anyway, Lisa, you're doing one Tartarus of a job. Keep those
parts coming. We're dying to find out how it all ends. Especially, will I
get to finally bump uglies with grown up Ares or not. *grins*
@:-( That's right, encourage her to write me being on the bottom. Like, I
need more stories of me getting buggered. *smacks husband upside the head*
<:^O Hey! *rubs head* Anyway, our last story is Scribe's 'Seeking Balance'.
This story I am definitely loving. It's a wonderful story of how Ares and I
got together. Course in this story, I'm knocked up, but hey it works. I'm
still waiting to read how the birth of Accord went and when Ares decided to
get jiggy with the booty sex. Now, that'd be fun to read about. Hint, hint.
@:-\ Yes, you would be looking forward to that part, wouldn't you? And I
suppose, next you'll be begging her to write another companion piece where
I'm the one popping kids out like some demented pez dispencer.
<:^D Oh yeah. Now, that I'd pay good dinars to read. Hey, Scribe, babe. You,
me and our lawyers to draw up a writing contract on seeing Ares with a bun
in the oven. How's about it, babe?
Scribe: We'll see, Joxie. Right now, I'm writing one handed and it's all
coming along slowly. I still have a dozen or so WIPs, especially one that
the List Mom is waiting for. I just had to write a Harry Potter mpreg,
didn't I? Anyway, hon, they're coming along as fast as I can type.
List Mom: Scribe, you and me need to talk. I gots lots of stuff to give you
for ideas for stories. Gimme an e when you can...
@:-| Hey, hey, hey, this ain't an ad column, people. Take this shit to
another story. We're here to talk fiction not shop.
<:^( Ah, Ares, it's not nice talking to writers like that. You know how
vindictive they can be. Just look what they've done to Gabby and Hercules.
Just be calm.
@:-O Eep! Never mind. *shrinks back and hides behind skinny husband, hoping
he doesn't get bogged down with story ouchies. Or worse yet, get strapped to
List Mom's ouchie chair (tm)*
<:^\ Um, anyway, that's it for this installment of Men on. I'm Joxer and the
big burly guy cowering behind me is Ares and we'll see you next time. Maybe.
Director: And that's a wrap!
<:^\ Ares, love. I would definitely go to Scribe and List Mom's alters and
pray for forgiveness or we're going to be in a world of hurt. And your ass
is too fine to be split open by floggings, spankings, whippings and guys
named Bubba making your booty hole big enough to fit a tree trunk up.
@:-( *whimpers*
Tune in next time, if List Mom ever gets off her fat, lazy ass, to find out
what happens next and if Aphrodite will ever return Shawn back to his
parents.
Fade to Black.
The End