Welcome to AresJoxerCupidStrife

Title: Men on Birthing
Author: Christine
Contact: QsMistress23@hotmail.com
Fandom: Xena/Hercules
Rating: R
Codes: Ares/Joxer
Archive: My site and AJCS
Disclaimer: Yup, they are definitely mine. Yeah, right, and I'm married to
Tom Welling. Uh huh. And if you believe that then I have some swap land in
Florida to sell you.
Feedback: That'd be nice. :o)
Author's Note: For Hergerbabe as always, just cause I can.
Summary: Ares finally has his kid.

We open onto a bed with one man lying down and another sitting next to him.
The one lying down is screaming, cursing and threatening the skinnier of the
two. Let's zoom in to hear what's going on.

<:^D Come on, Ares. Just keep pushing and our child will be here soon.

@:-O ::grabs front of spouse's shirt, panting like a dog:: I *am* pushing,
damnit!

<:^| ::looks up to see cameraman in face:: Hello, Greece! I'm Joxer.

@:-O And I'm Ares! Argh! Fuck, that hurt.

<:^) And this is 'Men on'. Normally we do this show about stories we've read
in the past that we enjoyed, but heh, not today.

@:-O Fuu-uuck!

<:^\ In case anyone out there is wondering, Ares is giving birth to our
first child today.

@:-O Damn you, Joxer! When this is over, I'm going to cut your balls off and
shove them up your ass! ::cries out and tries to push:: I want my mommy!

::Hera flashes in and smirks at her first born::

Hera: Problems, Ares?

<:^\ Uhm, Mrs., er, Queen Hera? Ares is in labor.

Hera: I can see that. Tsk. ::walks over to her son and lifts the sheet to
take a look:: Oh, ouch. That has to hurt. This is the first time I've seen a
baby come out of *that* hole before.

@:-O Guuuuh! Get it out *now*!

Hera: ::sits back, reading Cosmopolitan:: It'll be another hour, dearest.

@:-O ::cries::

<:^| ::looks into camera and winces at scream spouse produces:: Since it'll
be a while till the little one shows its self, I'd like to say a few things
to our guests today.

@:-O Waaaaaaaaaaah!

<:^) ::ignores sob:: Everyone please welcome Caroline Crane. ::waits till
cheers and applause dies down:: Caroline, please tell us about yourself.

CC: Well, Joxer. I'm a writer of vast amounts of stories. My popular ones
are the Big Wolf on Campus and Xena/Hercules ones...::cringes as Ares
screams::

<:^) Ah, so you write in more then one fandom, huh?

CC: That I do.

@:-O Quit ignoring me, damnit! I'm giving birth to *your* child here.

Hera: ::sighs:: Let me call Apollo so he can give you something for the
pain. *Apollo*!

Apollo: ::flashes in:: S'up?

Hera: Give your brother something for the pain, so he quits crying.

Apollo: Sure thing. ::moves to stand next to brother and waves hand over
entire body:: That should do it.

<:^\ How you doing, Ares?

@:-D ::giggles:: Oo! Has your nose *always* been that big? Hehehehehe

Apollo: Oops. Oh well. ::flashes out::

<:^\ Uh huh. ::turns back to Caroline:: Anyway, got any new stories out
there for us?

CC: Well, Joxer, I'm in the middle of writing 'Emily Dickenson's Horses'.
But that's mainly about Cupid and Strife.

::Joxer opens his mouth to respond, only to have Ares giggle some more::

Hera: Here, Ares. A nice cup of ice.

@:-D Oo, ice! ::munches on ice::

<:^\ Yeah. Anyway, thanks for joining us, Caroline. Now, our next guest is
Corona. ::waits for hollers and catcalls to die down:: So, Corona, tell us
about yourself.

Corona: Well, Jox, I'm a writer and I love you all, but I specialize in
humor. Have you read any of my stuff?

@:-D I have. You're so silly. ::flings ice chips at spouse::

<:^O Damn, that's cold. Anyway, got anything new for us Corona?

Corona: Not at the moment, but I've been thinking of doing another chapter
to my Childhood and Growing Series.

<:^) Fascinating. Thank you, Corona. Now, for our next guest. Please welcome
Hergerbabe. ::pauses as everyone screams and yells for autographs:: Ahem, so
Hergerbabe, what have you been up to recently?

HB: Well, Joxer, I've been busy writing Smallville stories. These damn
bunnies just won't leave me alone, I tell you! I've tried everything to get
them to go bother someone else, but they just won't leave.

<:^\ I feel your pain, girl. Writing anything interesting for us?

::before Hergerbabe can respond, she's interrupted by Ares giggling and
throwing more ice::

@:-D Heeeeeeeee! Lookie! Ice! ::starts to sing while moving a piece of ice
around like it's an airplane:: The ice crawls in, the ice crawls out. The
ice plays penoucle on your snout...

<:^\ Uh huh.

HB: ::blinks eyes:: Anyway, I'm in the middle of writing a Smallville/Xena
crossover. It's way cool.

<:^) Really? What's it about?

HB: Now, now, Joxie. If I tell you, it won't be a surprise.

<:^) Well, thank you for joining us and it was a pleasure. Our next guest is
one of my favorites. Everyone please welcome Scribe. ::pauses as security
ushers out a cat sweater wearing woman:: Welcome, Scribe. What have you been
up to?

Scribe: Well, Jox, I'm in the middle of writing more parts to my unfinished
stories. I have Stranger in a Strange Land, Multiplexin' with Xena and
Backward, Turn Backward. I *finally* finished What a Difference a Deity
Makes. Boy, that fic took me forever to finish.

<:^| Hey, I just realised something. How come Ares and I only got one sex
scene in the whole series?

Scribe: Um...::looks down at watch:: Whoa, look at the time. Gotta go.
Buh-bye. ::takes off, leaving a little swirling dust devil behind::

<:^\ Uh. You sure she wasn't Clark in disguise?

@:-D Hehehe! Snow cones!

Hera: ::looks up from reading PlayGirl:: That's nice, dear.

<:^\ Yeah, anyway, our next guest is...::is interrrupted by a big splash::
What in Hade's pink thong was that?

@:-\ Oopsie. I tinkled on myself.

Hera: ::gets up from her chair:: Looks like Ares' water finally broke. He
should be ready to pop that kid out in a bit.

<:^O What should I do? Do I need to boil water or uhm, get fresh linen or
something? ::runs around like a chicken with its head cut off::

Hera: No. Just stand aside while I get ready to catch the little thing.
::rolls up sleeves::

<:^\ Catch it?

::at that moment, Hera dons a catcher's glove and squats in front of Ares::

Hera: Push, Ares!

@:-O Guh! ::he pushes and suddenly there's a loud POP and then a wail of
protest::

Hera: Congrats you have a....

Director: And that's a wrap!

Audience: Hey! What did he have!

<:^\ Sorry, folk. Tune in next time to find out what Ares and I had.

@:-| Why the hell am I wet, sore and have ice shavings scattered over me!?

Director: Goodnight, folks!

::fade to black::

End