Welcome to AresJoxerCupidStrife

Title: Men on List Mom
Author: Christine
Contact: QsMistress23@hotmail.com
Fandom: Xena/Hercules and others...kinda
Rating: R
Codes: Ares/Joxer, a few others
Archive: My site and AJCS
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. More's the pity.
Feedback: Feedback, chocolate kisses, diet pepsi, nekkid wet boys, lube,
nachos, black olives and cool whip are all welcomed.
Author's Note: Um? None really.
Summary: Why I've been so behind on my writing.

We open onto a couch were two men are sitting. One's dipping a dill pickle
into what looks like chocolate icecream while the other is staring in horror
at said pickle dipper. As the two are engrossed in each other, we zoom in to
hear what they're saying.

<:^O Gods, Ares. How in Tartarus can you *eat* that?

@:-| ::looks up from his dipping and loosely regards his spouse:: What? I'm
hungry. It's just a pickle.

<:^( Yeah, but eew. You're dipping it into your icecream. That's nasty.

@:-| Says you. I don't see you carrying *your* child.

<:^| ::is about to respond when he notices the camera man in their face::
Ahem. ::glares at camera man:: Hello, Greece. I'm Joxer.

@:-| And I'm Ares.

<:^) And we're here to do something a tad different today. Normally, we do a
little show called 'Men on Stories', but not today. No, today, we're doing
something we call 'Men on List Mom.'

@:-| Indeed.

<:^) ::clears throat:: Anyway, the reason we're doing this is because the
list mom on the group 'AJCS' has been neglecting a few things recently...

@:-| Yeah, *us*.

<:^| Yes. Anyway, we're here today with a couple of guests to find out why
she has been neglecting us so much recently.

@:-| If I wasn't six months pregnant right now, I'd get up from this couch
and kick me some list mom ass.

<:^| Now, now, Arry. You're in no condition to go starting anything.
Especially if she decides to write you an owwie fic.

@:-\ ::looks around, hoping the list mom isn't around:: Heh. Well, yeah,
uh...

List Mom: ::off to the side:: Don't worry, Ares. You're safe for another
couple of months. ::snickers maniacly::

<:^| Uh, yeah. Heh. Anyway, our first guests today are from the Big Wolf on
Campus show. Please give a round of applause to Tommy Dawkins and Merton
Dingle, everyone!

::Tommy and Merton walk onto stage, waving and smiling at the audience. Only
a hand full of the audience actually applaud, the other half are all staring
at the two guests with blank looks on their faces, wondering who the
Tartarus they are::

<:^) Welcome to 'Men on', Tommy, Merton. How are things with you guys?

TD: Eh, it could be better. We've only been written into two fics so far.
List mom keeps saying she's got tons of pwps to write me and Mert into, but
she hasn't yet.

MD: Yeah. Here we were, looking forward to some hot action when she up and
ignores us. And for whom? Those two guys on that remake of Superman.

TD: Exactly! What the hell does she see in those two anyway?

<:^) Excellent question. Don't feel too bad though. We have more guests on
the show whom she'd promised to write fics about. Why don't we bring them
out also? ::is about to announce the next guests when Ares interrupts::

@:-| You know, Jox. There's a ton of people she's promised fics for and
hasn't delivered yet. Why don't we just bring all of them out and save the
audience the long ass wait of having us introduce them all?

<:^\ ::ponders spouse's logic for a bit:: Hmm, you're right. Well, let's
just bring them all out then. Alright, audience please welcome all our
featured guests.

::Security begins to usher out nine more guests onto the stage. A stage hand
scrambles to get more chairs so everyone can sit without the stage looking
like a cluster fuck::

<:^\ Day-um! She's promised alot of people fics, hasn't she?

@:-| ::looks up from dipping another pickle into his melting icecream:: No
shit.

<:^\ Yup. Anyway, everyone please welcome the following:

Tom Paris ::Tom bows and throws kisses to the females in the audience, a few
swoon from the sheer prettiness of his looks::, Harry Kim ::Harry smiles
shyly and waves before sitting next to Tom::, Chakotay ::Chakotay flexes a
few muscles, eliciting screams from a few women in the audience and some men
too::, Jean-Luc Picard ::Picard eyes the females, bows and takes a seat::, Q
::Q looks bored with the whole thing, so plants his butt in the seat closest
to Picard::, Elim Garak ::Garak bows eloquently towards the audience and is
about to take his seat when one of the females in the audience screams 'Can
I lick your scales?', earning her a zap from a moody Ares::. Julian Bashir
::Bashir swaggers over towards his seat and is startled by Hergerbabe
running onto the stage to stuff a couple of twenties into his uniform pants
before security drag her away::, my son-in-law, Cupid ::Cupid begins to walk
towards his seat when the majority of the audience whip out their polaroid
cameras and begin snapping pictures, making Cupid almost bump into Ares as
his eyes are assaulted by the many camera flashes::, and last but not least,
Cupid's husband and my nephew/son-in-law, Strife ::before Strife can set
foot onto the stage, he's assulted by Scribe, Carrie and Tequila Worm as
they're all trying to rip pieces of his leather suit off him, it takes ten
minutes and fifteen security guards to remove the clingy women from off of a
battered looking Strife::

@:-| Fuck! List mom's been busy, huh?

<:^\ Um...

Q: This is all highly amusing, but can we please speed this along? This is
all so boring and I promised Jean-Luc here a passion filled night full of
super novas going off to our orgasms. Ow! ::Q rubs the back of his head from
where Picard smacked him one::

JLP: Zip it, Q-ball.

Q: ::glares at lover before folding his arms across his chest and projecting
a wounded air::

<:^\ Ah, yeah. Anyway, it seems you all were promised fics before list mom
decided to ignore us for an alien and a bald man...

Q, Garak, and Picard: Watch it, kitchen ware.

@:-( Hey! That's my husband you three are bad mouthing.

<:^| It's okay, Ares. ::looking at the three who had growled at him:: I
didn't mean you three. Anyway, as I was saying. We're all here to have a
nice long chat about why list mom has been ignoring us recently.

#:-| It's those damn boys she's been writing about, damnit! Here we were
getting action like you wouldn't believe, when bam, she goes and starts
writing about a dorky teenager and his bald billionaire.

&:-( You tell 'em, Strife. Those two need to be shot in the ass with a few
of my lust arrows while looking at donkeys.

Audience: ::cringes in horror::

<:^\ Maybe, but not today, okay? ::Cupid pouts and crosses in arms in
dejection while Strife hugs his lover:: Anyway, from the looks of things,
I'd say you all have been promised fics also, but never received them.

JLP: I can't speak for everyone else here, but list mom didn't even attempt
to start a fic with Q and I. You know how hard it is to face my crew when I
can't even get *one* fic written about me?

Q: Now, Jean-Luc, you know if she did write a fic about us, you'd be hiding
it somewhere. You are such an uptight stick in the mud sometimes.

JLP: Uh huh. Well, keep thinking that when you're sleeping by yourself for
the next two months.

Q: ::eyes go wide in horror and contemplates going back in time to take the
foot out of his mouth before speaking. Picard gives him a knowing look and Q
decides otherwise::

<:^\ Yeah, um, anyway. Ares, should we go right ahead and bring out the two
'men' list mom has been giving all her attention to?

@:-| ::looks up from empty icecream carton:: Whatever.

<:^| Hrmph. Okay, audience. Please welcome Clark Kent and Lex Luthor.

::Clark and Lex come out onto stage with their personal security personnel.
Everyone on stage glares at the boys as they make their way to their seats.
Clark blinks in surprise at the bird he got from Strife::

<:^) So, Clark, Lex, tell me, what have you two done to make list mom give
all her time and attention to you?

*:-\ I have no idea what you mean. I wasn't aware of any fics about us. Did
you know, Lex?

(:-\ ::Lex rolls his eyes skyward and whistles:: Nope.

*:-) See? I knew it.

#:-D I hate to be the barer of bad news, but uh, your little bald boy-toy is
lying like a shag green rug.

*:-| ::blinks beautiful green eyes in surprise and turns to frown at lover::
Is this true, Lex?

(:-( Um...

EG: Why don't I set up an interrogation chair, strap him in it and do what I
do best?

TP: Shed?

EG: No, you blonde bimbo. Torture.

*:-O No one's torturing my Sexy Lexy, got that!?

Tommy and Merton: ::wiggles fingers in ears:: Day-um!

JB: That boy has volume.

TP: I wonder what he uses for shampoo?

JB: ::raises an eyebrow:: Um, no. I was talking about his voice.

TP: Ooooooh, I getcha now. ::winks::

JB: Uh huh.

":>D Well, no one said my Tom had brains...

HK: What do you mean *your* Tom? She's written us together more so then you
two together!

":>( ::stands up from seat to stand in front of Harry ala Jerry Springer::
You want to repeat what you just said, *Ensign*?

HK: ::stands up to face steaming macho man:: You heard me, cochese.

":>| //...cochese?...//

Tommy and Merton: Fight, fight, fight!

*:-( Can't we all just...get along?

Everyone *except* Lex and Clark: Shut it, slut boy!

(:-| Slut boy!? I'll give you all 'slut boy'! ::scans crowd, looking for his
personal security, sees them and beckkons them over:: Attack!

Security personnel: Yessir! ::goes into the brawl beginning only to be
zapped to dust by a pissed and very pregnant Ares::

@:-| Fighting amongst ourselves is fine, but 'rent-a-cops' is where I draw
the line.

After that, pademoneum reigns.

::Lex blinks and quickly gets behind Clark, who is crying at being called
'slut boy'. Strife is leaning back in his chair, laughing his ass off until
Harry throws a chair at him. Cupid jumps up from his chair and begins
zapping people left and right while Joxer is blocking Ares' body with his
own. Ares is playing peek-a-bo with Joxer's body, trying to watch the
fighting. Tommy wolfs out from all the aggression. Merton is drooling at the
sight of his lover in wolf-mode and begins unbuttoning Tommy's shirt. Garak
is cooly watching the Starfleet officers fighting amongst themselves for
Tom's well used ass. Bashir stood up from his seat and is trying to heal
everyone which is just making the fighting last longer. Q is leaning against
Picard, licking his bald head like it's an icecream cone while Picard has
his hand down the other's pants.::

Scribe: ::blinking, she turns to Tequila Worm:: What happened?

TW: Looks like we have a fight.

Carrie: ::nods head:: Yeah, but who's taking pictures?

Hergerbabe: I am!

::The girls giggle as they continue to watch the manly fighting happening on
stage. Corona gets up from her seat and makes her way towards list mom::

Corona: Um, shouldn't we stop them or something?

List Mom: Why? Cute, manly-men, well 'cept for Tom, fighting is an awesome
thing. Besides, I never told them I was taking a break from writing anything
at the moment. ::Corona's mouth opens in an 'O' expression before she nods
her head and turns her attention back onto the stage::

Director: ::runs to a camera:: Heh, sorry, folks. But it looks like this is
the conclusion of 'Men on'. Tune in next time for more from our two
hosts...::ducks as chair comes sailing overhead:: That is, if they ever
recover from this. Good night!

::credits roll as we fade to black::

End