AresJoxerCupidStrife - Brandy

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Title: The Mirror
Author: Brandy
Pairing: A/J, C/S
Archive: Joxerotica & AresJoxerCupidStrife homepage, anyone else,
please ask.
Rating: NC-17
Category: AU, Angst, with humor.
Warnings: I do believe I was a bit graphic, sexually.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Just borrowing them
temporarily.
Summary: Autolycus is challenged for his position as King of Thieves.

Autolycus adjusted his newly acquired mirror.

"There you go. Ahhh, beautiful!"

Standing back he gazed at his most prized possession to date. The
mirror was about four feet tall and seemed to emit a pulsing glow.
However, that could be from the newly polished gold frame, so Auto
wasn't worried.

Glancing down at himself, he idly wondered if he should change into
his best clothes. Pausing briefly in contemplation, he shrugged and
combed his hair and moustache. There. Just right.

Taking a deep breath, he gazed at the mirror.

"Magic mirror, so gorgeous and true, hear my plea, who's the best
thief of them all, is it me?"

The surface of the mirror shifted and went black. Suddenly, Apollo's
was gazing back at Autolycus from the mirror.

"Auto? Dude, what're you doin' with this mirror?"

"Oh, a, Apollo. Well, see, I'm *borrowing* it so I can find out the
answer to my question." Autolycus shifted nervously.

"Borrowing?" Apollo snorted. "Yeah, right. Forget it dude. I know
you. You're just like your pop."

"Alright, I stole it! But, if you answer my question, I'll give it
back, and they'll never know I took it." Auto wheedled.

Apollo rolled his eyes. "You know, I should make you rhyme it again.
The one you gave me earlier has to be the worst I've ever heard."

Auto crossed his arms, tapping his foot impatiently. "Magic mirror,
uhhh, magic mirror so tall & pretty…"

Apollo groaned and rolled his eyes. "Never mind! I'll answer, I'll
answer, just stop trying to rhyme!"

Apollo closed his eyes and sent out his power, seeking the answer to
Auto's question. Suddenly, his eyes flashed open, glowing with gold
light. "The greatest thief of them all is Joxer of Corinth."

Apollo jerked his head, snapping himself out of his trance. "Wow. I
never would have guessed! And he doesn't even know what he has!"
Apollo roared with laughter.

Just as quickly as the mirror summoned him, Apollo was gone, leaving
a stunned thief sitting on his bottom, mouth open in shock.


"What did Joxer steal? He's not a thief. At least, he wasn't the last
time I checked." Autolycus muttered to himself, pacing back and forth
in front of the mirror. "This is incredible! I've worked for years,
building my reputation, and *Joxer* is better than I am? What could
he have possible stolen that he doesn't know he has? I'm just going
to have to find him, and figure it out."

"Nobody outdoes the King of Thieves!" He shouted, pointing his finger
at the ceiling, admiring the pose in the mirror.

**********

"…Oh, he's Joxer, he's Joxer the Mighty!" Joxer finished his soft
singing. Sniffing back tears, he wiped the lone one traveling down
his cheek away.

**************
Flashback

"Dammit, Joxer! You're going to get someone killed! Look what you
did! If Xena hadn't shoved you to the ground, you'd be dead! But, no!
You're fine, and she may never wake up!"

"But, Gabby…"

"No! I don't ever want to see you around us again! Face it, you're
not a warrior, and you'll never be one! Just stop before you get
someone else hurt!"

***********

"I was only trying to help. I didn't mean for Xena to get hurt."
Joxer whispered. "No one else will ever be hurt because of me." He
vowed, closing the chest containing his armor.

Standing up, he straightened his simple homespun shirt, and turned
around. "Well, no use in waiting. This is the first day of the rest
of your life, Joxer. You'll be the best farmer in the land." He
attempted to cheer himself, walking outside of the barn to look at
the decrepit farmhouse.

************

"Aren't you gonna do anything, pop?"

"No. He needs time to heal from the wounds *that blonde* inflicted.
Maybe in a few months I'll drop in and see how he's doing, but not
now."

"I can feel you love him. And, isn't he, like, one of your best
worshipers?"

"Yes."

"And you're just letting him go?" Cupid squeaked.

Ares rolled his eyes at his son. "Quiet! You never know who's
listening. No, I'm not just letting him go. He may have given up
being a warrior, but he still prays to me. He just prays to Gaia and
Demeter now, too. Confused them like crazy the first time he did it."
He chuckled.

Cupid looked at his father in confusion. "Huh?"

Ares heaved an exasperated sigh. "Joxer's prayers aren't like anyone
else's. He doesn't pray for help being a warrior anymore, but he
still thanks me for not sending an army to destroy his farm, and
protecting him from roaving bandits, that type of thing. He's the
only worshiper I can remember that finishes his prayers with `Have a
nice day'. He isn't forsaking me, he's just changing his prayers and
praying to more of the family. They know he's still mine, and as long
as they don't try to take him, I'll share…for now."

"Oh, well then, that makes more sense."

"Anything else I can help you with, Cupid?" Ares asked when Cupid
didn't flash out, but stood there shuffling his feet instead.

"Umm, pop? You won't mind if I ask him if he wants to baby-sit every
once in a while?"

Ares rolled his eyes. "Go ahead. He's one of the few mortals I would
trust with Bliss. Besides, I think Bliss will help him through this.
He needs to get used to gods being around anyway. He's going to live
the rest of his mortal life on Olympus."

"Cool. Thanks pop!" Cupid disappeared in a flash of light.

Ares settled back down in his throne. A waive of his hand produced a
viewing mirror, tuned in to Gabrielle and Xena.

"That's it blondie. Just trail along like nothing happened. If it
wasn't for my sisters interceding on your behalf, you'd already be
keeping my followers in Hades realm happy. But, you just wait, nobody
hurts one of mine and gets away with it." He growled.


"Hermes!" Apollo yelled out, summoning his brother.

"Hey, `Pol! What'cha need?" Hermes answered in a flash of light.

Apollo started snickering again.

Hermes looked down at himself, adjusting his robes to make sure he
was covered. *There was nothing like flashing a foreign Pantheon to
improve relations, but sometimes this short tunic is a pain.*

"No, no, it's not you. It's your son!" Apollo wheezed.

Hermes thought frantically of his last communications with his boys,
trying to figure out which son Apollo was referring to.

"Autolycus!"

Hermes groaned, and closed his eyes, squeezing his fingers against
his forehead. "What'd he do now?"

"He stole the mirror!"

Hermes groaned again, and started chuckling. "That horrible black
one?"

"No, no. You know, the gold one, with all the snazzy designs on the
frame. The mirror of truth."

"Let me guess. He didn't find out about the mirror before he used it."

"Nope! He didn't seem to know it was supposed to be for predicting
the future." Apollo waived his hand to replay Auto's horrible
rhyming.

Hermes started snickering. "So, what'd you tell him?"

"That's the good part, dude! I told him that Joxer the Mighty was the
King of Thieves!"

"Who?" Hermes asked blankly.

Apollo waived his hand again, and showed one of Joxer's bungled
attempts at helping Xena.

Hermes started laughing.

"He's a follower of Ares! And, get this, Ares *loves* him."

Hermes was now rolling on the floor next to Apollo, laughing
hysterically.

Finally, their laughter had subsided back into chuckles.

"Oh, yeah, I'm definitely going to have to have a talk with my son."
Hermes wheezed out.

*************

"Face it, Joxer, you're a failure." Joxer muttered to himself,
cradling his head in his hands.

"Don'cha think you're bein' a little hard on yourself, dude?"

Joxer jerked his head up, looking around for the source of those
words.

"Right here." Cupid became visable with a shimmer of golden sparkles.

"Cupid?"

"Got it in one."

"Wha?"

Cupid rolled his eyes. "Snap out of it, dude. So, why do you think
you're a failure?"

Joxer shook his head. "Just look." He gestured around the farm. "I
can't do anything right. I was only able to harvest enough to keep
the animals fed. And that won't last very long."

Cupid's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Joxer, how long has it been
since you've been to town?"

Joxer thought about it, not remembering the last time.

"Dude, this whole area's been suffering from a drought the last few
seasons! You've grown more here than any other farmer in the area!"

"No wonder I got the farm so cheap." He muttered. He looked back to
Cupid. " So, I'm not a failure?"

Cupid snorted. "Nope."

"Oh."

"Anyway, Joxer, I need to ask for a favor…"

*Him, do a favor for THE God of Love? What a weird day.* Joxer mused.

"Uh, sure Cupid, whatever I can do for you."

Cupid blushed. "Well, I talked to pop and he said you were one of the
few mortals he trusted. And, you know, mom really likes you too. So,
I was wondering if you'd watch Bliss for me today?"

Joxer was in shock. *Ares? Ares trusted him?*

Cupid watched Joxer work his way through his shock.

"He..he said that? Ares said that he trusted me?" Joxer stuttered out.

"Yeah, Joxer, he did."

"Wow. Oh, wow. Ares knows who I am, and he trusts me! But, he always
snarled at me, or ignored me whenever I saw him."

*Gee, pop, you could'a flirted a little.* Cupid thought in disgust.

"Joxer, think about if. You were traveling with Xena and Gabrielle,
right?"

"Yeah."

"They're not always pops favorite people. Besides, if he showed any
interest in you, they would have convinced you that he was using you
to get to them. So, you'll watch Bliss for me?"

"Sure, Cupid. I'm not really sure how to babysit a god, but I'll
try." Mulling over Cupid's words.


"Bliss, this is Joxer."

Bliss ducked behind his father and shyly peeked out at Joxer.

Joxer smiled and bent down to Bliss' level. "Hi there."

Bliss buried his face into his father's leg.

"He's a little shy right now. Mom thinks it's a cherub thing."

"Well, Bliss. I don't know any games for us to play, but if you do,
I'll play with you."

Bliss peeked out from behind Cupid's leg and looked at Joxer
again. "Usually only Stwife and daddy wants to pway."

"Well, if you know any games, I'll play with you, too."

Bliss looked up at his father for confirmation.

"It's okay, son. You can play with Joxer, just remember, he's mortal,
so be careful not to hurt him. Okay?"

"K." Bliss mumbled around his fingers.

"Joxer, here's a whistle." Cupid placed the whistle's cord around
Joxer's neck. "If you need help, or anything, just blow, and someone
will come."

"Okay."

Cupid bent down and hugged Bliss. "Now, be good for Joxer, and maybe
he'll tell you a story at nap time."

Bliss looked at Joxer once more. Bashfully he ducked his head, and
looked up at Joxer from lowered lashes. "Story?"

"I think I can manage that." Joxer grinned.

************

1 Month Later

"They've got to be around here somewhere." Autolycus muttered to
himself, scanning the area. "Ah, Xena!" He shouted, waiving his arm
to get her attention.

"Autolycus? What are you doing here?"

"Ah, well, it's like this, I heard about this beautiful princess who
needed rescuing, and being the type of guy I am…" Auto struck a pose.

Xena rolled her eyes at him. "What? The reward for her rescue is too
much to resist, but you need someone to do the actual rescuing?" She
asked dryly.

"Ah, well, actually, it is a two person job, and I was wondering if
you'd seen Joxer?"

"Joxer? You want Joxer to go on a rescue mission with you?" Xena
asked, now suspicious.

"Well, sure, I want my buddy Joxer to help. He's really good at
providing a distraction while I wor… I, ah, do my heroic deeds."

"I haven't seen him in awhile, Autolycus. Honestly, I'm starting to
get worried. It's not like him to stay away this long."

Auto frowned. "Which way was he headed when you last saw him?"

"I really don't know, Autolycus. I was injured during a battle near
Elis, and when I woke up he was gone. Gabrielle said he was upset
that I got injured saving him, and just left. Now, why don't you tell
me the real reason you're trying to find him." Xena crossed her arms,
and arched her brow in question.

"Real reason? Why Xena, you wound me! I can be the dashing hero, too."

"Auto." Xena growled in warning.

"It's nothing bad, I promise!" Autolycus raised his hands
defensively.

Xena grabbed Auto by his vest. "Alright Auto, I know you're up to
something. What's the real reason you're trying to find Joxer?"

Auto tried frantically to think up something. "Ah, well, Jett! Yeah,
Jett made me promise to look out for his little brothers!"

Xena rolled her eyes and shook him.

"Alright, alright. I heard a rumor that he stole something and was
trying to take away my title. I just want him to confirm or deny it."

Xena released him. "What was he supposed to have stolen?"

"That's just it! I don't know! But whatever it is, it's supposed to
be so big that even the gods know about it. How can I top that? I
just have to find out for sure."

Xena rolled her eyes. "Relax, Auto. Joxer's not a thief."

"That's what I said!"

Xena narrowed her eyes, staring at Autolycus. "Where'd you hear this
rumor?"

"Ah…this little guy named Ikus. I ran into him in Thisbe a couple of
months ago."

"You know, Autolycus, your voice slightly alters pitch when you lie.
Very few people would notice, but I do. So, spill."

Auto gulped, frantically looking around for escape.

"Xena!" Gabrielle called out, trotting up to them. "I found some
great vegetables! Oh, hi, Autolycus."

Auto sighed in relief at the interruption.

Gabrielle paused, and turned back to Auto. "Autolycus? What are you
doing here?" She asked in surprise.

"What? Can't a guy just stop by to look in on friends?" Auto tried
for indignant.

"He's looking for Joxer." Xena replied, crossing her arms.

"Joxer? We haven't seen him."

Something in Gabrielle's tone caught their attention. They turned to
face her, both crossing their arms, brows furrowed.

"Xena said you were the last to see him several months ago."

"What's going on, Gabrielle?"

"Nothing."

"Gabrielle, you know I'll find out sooner or later." Xena warned.

"Alright! I was a little harsh with him, but Xena, he almost got you
killed!"

"Gabrielle, you know as well as I do that Joxer can't defend himself.
The Gods only know how he's managed to survive this long! He's our
friend. If I didn't want him traveling with us, I would have said so.
What did you say?"

"I told him he should stop trying to be a warrior before he got
someone killed." Gabrielle muttered.

"What did Joxer do?" Xena sighed.

"I don't know I needed to get back to you."

"Sometimes, Gabrielle, you make me very ashamed of you. He loved you,
and you undoubtedly crushed him. Joxer knows deep inside that he's
not a warrior. He just kept up the act hoping to get your attention."
Xena turned to Autolycus. "We were in Elis when he left. It's
probably been too long to pick up his trail. The only other place I
can think he'd go would be Meg's. I'd go myself, but Grakis is on his
way here to destroy the village. When you find him, let me know."

"Thanks, Xena." Autolycus turned to walk away.

"Hey, Auto, hurt him, and I'll find you."

A shudder ran through Autolycus' body at her words. He couldn't
decide if it was from fear or joy.


1 Week Later

"Joxer!" Cupid appeared in a flash of light, cradling a still form in
his arms. "Joxer!"

Joxer came running out of the barn. He stopped when he saw Cupid
cradling a limp body in his arms. He quickly snapped out of his
shocked state and resumed running towards Cupid.

Cupid had tears streaming down his face, and his chest was covered in
blood.

"Cupid!?"

Cupid turned and walked up the steps into the farmhouse, cradling his
limp burden. He scanned the inside of the farmhouse. Concentrating
briefly, he created a huge featherbed by the fireplace.

Joxer had followed Cupid inside, and was waiting anxiously for
instructions.

"Cupid?"

Cupid turned to Joxer. "I need a huge favor, Joxer."

Joxer looked at the pale figure on the bed, then back at Cupid. "You
know I'd do anything for you Cupid."

Cupid turned back to the bed, and concentrated on the figure there. A
flash of light removed the bloodstained clothing. Another flash
produced a bowl with steaming water, a threaded silver needle, and a
small tin of salve.

"I need you to look after him for me and dad. No one can know he's
alive. He has too many enemies that'd love to finish him off."

"What happened to him?" Joxer asked, looking at the pale figure
curiously.

"He was stabbed with the hind's blood dagger by Callisto. Right now,
any mortal could kill him. The salve will help him heal. The only
thing that saved him was that he was born a god, and not made one.
His tie to his mother saved him, and is the only thing keeping him
alive right now."

Joxer looked at the unconscious man in awe. "He's a god?"

"Yes, my cousin, Strife. Will you take care of him for me? I have to
get back. Everything's happening so fast. Pop's brilliant plan to get
rid of Callisto just went to Tartarus, and everyone's scrambling to
think up another plan."

"But, how am *I* going to protect him?" Joxer asked nervously.

"Joxer, if I didn't think you could do it, I wouldn't be here." Cupid
replied.

Joxer looked Cupid in the eye, and saw faith in him shining
back. "I'll take care of him for you, Cupid." He promised.

Cupid nodded in thanks. Taking one last look at Strife, and flashed
out. As he left, he changed Joxer's simple farmer's clothes. Joxer
was now clothed in black leather pants, and a black vest. At the end
of the bed a white silk shirt, leather wrist gauntlets, and a slim
silver sword appeared.

**********

Joxer carefully washed the wound in Strife's chest. Cleaning away all
the blood he was able to, he picked up the needle, and proceeded to
sew up the gaping wound. Joxer winced at every stitch, and kept
glancing up at Strife, worried that he'd wake up. Finally, he'd
finished closing the wound. Letting out a relieved sigh, he removed
the lid to the salve. Pausing briefly, he wrinkled his nose at the
smell. Gathering a generous amount on his fingers, he lightly coated
Strife's wound.

The wound glowed and pulsed light for several seconds before
disappearing. When Joxer moved to replace the lid on the salve, he
noticed it was once again full.

Joxer covered the wound, and pulled the covers up around Strife.
Noticing the cold feel of Strife's skin, he built a fire to keep the
god warm.

"Oh no, I forgot Gabrielle!" Joxer moaned to himself.

Checking on Strife one last time, Joxer hurried outside to finish
milking his evil-tempered goat.

************

Joxer staggered back into the house. Gabrielle had once again lived
up to her namesake, and whacked him in the head.

Propping himself up against the doorway, he attempted to regain his
bearings. Suddenly, he noticed a shadow out of the corner of his eye.
Not moving an inch, he observed the shadow. Seeing that the shadow
was inching closer to Strife, he made his move.

Joxer staggered into the room, acting like he didn't realize there
was someone else there. Moving closer to Strife, he quickly reached
down and grabbed his sword from the foot of the bed. Whirling around
quickly, the tip of his sword came to rest at the throat of the
shadow.

"Who are you?"

A flash of light revealed a disbelieving god. "Hey, how'd ya see me?"

"Who are you?" Joxer repeated.

"The name's Deimos, mortal." Came the scornful rely. "Now, get outta
my way, I've got some competition ta eliminate."

"I don't think so. Just leave."

"Yeah, right. Opportunities like this don't come along often. Get
outta my way, or I'll forget you're one of Cupid's, and blast ya."
Deimos growled.

"No." Came Joxer's quiet reply.

Suddenly, a red fireball formed in Deimos' hand, as he jumped back to
throw it at Joxer.

Joxer instinctively turned his sword, and deflected the fireball back
at Deimos, hitting him in the chest, and blasting him through the
wall.

Demois came to his knees, and stared at Joxer in disbelief. "Phobos!"

A flash of light appeared next to Deimos.

"You got your ass kicked!" Phobos giggled.

Demios growled at his brother. "Help me."

Phobos looked around. "Help you? Against him?" He pointed to Joxer.

"Yes." Phobos growled.

Phobos laughed. "Have you looked at him? He's one of pops!" He
flashed out still laughing.

Deimos focused on Joxer, trying to see what his brother had.
Suddenly, he noticed that Cupid, Aphrodite, *and* Ares had placed
their marks on the mortal's aura. "Great! Just great!" He
snarled. "I won't forget this, mortal." He threatened, before zapping
out.

Joxer sagged against the side of the house. "How'd I do that?" He
whispered to himself. Pausing a moment to collect his scattered
thoughts, Joxer realized he needed to check on Strife's wound again.

He turned around and walked over to Strife's side. Laying the sword
within reach, he pulled down the covers, and uncovered the wound.
Taking the salve, he began coating the wound, talking to Strife as he
went.

"Come on, Strife. You need to get better. Your uncle Ares and Cupid
would be devastated if you died. Plus, Bliss loves you so much. I
don't know how he'd get along without you. Every time he comes to
visit he talks about you non-stop. It sounds like you two have a lot
of fun together." Joxer finished applying the salve, and looked up at
Strife.

Strife's eyes were open and staring straight at him.

***********
Elis

"Well, this was a wasted trip, Auto. I guess Xena was right."
Autolycus muttered to himself. "Well, I guess Meg's is my last chance
to pick up his trail."


"Joxer?" Strife whispered.

"You know me?" Joxer asked in surprise.

"Yeah, unc watches you." Strife grimaced in pain.

"Shhh, you're alright. Cupid brought you to me. I've been taking care
of you. I won't let anyone hurt you. Sleep now, you need your rest."
Joxer soothed.

Strife closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Joxer sighed again, and covered Strife back up.

Picking up his sword, he sat down next to the bed and kept watch.

*********

Joxer leapt to his feet, feeling a presence in the room. "Who's
there?"

Ares flashed into view.

"Ares?"

"Hello, Joxer." Ares greeted him quietly as he moved over to the bed
and touched Strife's cheek. Pulling down the sheet, he lifted the
bandage to examine Strife's wound.

"I've been putting the salve on every few hours." Joxer commented
quietly.

"Good." Ares replaced the bandage and covers.

"He woke up for a little bit yesterday afternoon."

"He did?" Ares asked in astonishment.

"Yeah, I was putting the salve on and talking to him, and he opened
his eyes."

"Did he say anything?"

Joxer blushed. "He knew who I was. He said you watch me?"

Ares looked back down at Strife. "Little trouble maker." He
whispered, caressing Strife's cheek gently.

"Yeah, Joxer, I watch over you."

"Oh." Joxer watched Ares for several seconds. "Why?"

Ares looked back at Joxer, and stared at him for several minutes.
Walking over, he stood in front of Joxer.

Joxer started to shift uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Infrequently, a mortal will catch my eye. I don't know if it's that
way for other gods, but something about them will draw me to them.
Zeus forbid me from making any of them immortal, so they usually live
out their lives with me on Olympus. `Dite once told me I was looking
for something I couldn't find in the family. I don't know if that's
it, or if there's another explanation. I do know I've been drawn to
you since you were a small boy." Ares ran his fingers down the side
of Joxer's cheek.

Joxer was starring at Ares in disbelief. "But…but, what about Xena?"
He whispered, wide-eyed.

"Xena? Xena's business and you, Joxer, are personal." Ares moved in
closer to Joxer and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Joxer hesitantly leaned into the kiss, feeling Ares beard tickling
his skin.

Feeling Joxer's acceptance, Ares opened his mouth and flicked his
tongue across the seam of Joxer's lips. Joxer's tongue caressed his,
and Ares was lost in the taste. Wrapping his arms around Joxer, Ares
deepened the kiss, only stopping when it became apparent that Joxer
needed to breathe.

"Wow." Joxer gasped.

"When this is over, Joxer, I want you to come to Olympus with me."
Ares said quietly.

"Oh, wow."

"Just think about it, okay?"

"Yes, Ares."

"Good."

"Ares?"

"Yeah, Joxer."

"Is Strife gonna be alright?"

"I don't know, Joxer. He's healing right now. The next couple of days
will be close. Just keep applying that salve."

"Uh, Ares? If Callisto stabbed him with a hind's blood dagger, how'd
he survive? Cupid said Strife's mom was keeping him alive, but how?"
Joxer asked in confusion.

Ares sighed and looked at Joxer. "Do you promise not to repeat this?"

Joxer shuffled his feet. "I won't tell anyone, Ares. I promise."

"All gods are made up of energy. The more prayers a god gets, the
more energy that they receive. We change the focus of the energy
within ourselves, and can share it with our children or parents. The
hind's blood destroys the energy that makes up a god. It eats away at
it until it disperses. However, when a god is born, they have a tie
to their parents. Think of it as a thread of energy. The parents can
feed their energy to the child until the salve destroys all the
hind's blood, curing the god. Created gods, like Callisto, can only
survive the hind's blood if they have children, since the link works
both ways. However, the god injured with the hind's blood is
weakened. All of their energy is directed to fighting off the blood.
Another wound when they're like this could kill them."

Joxer looked thoughtful for a moment. "Can't Strife's father help
give energy?"

Ares looked sadly at Strife. "I'm the closest thing he has to a
father. You've heard the stories of Zeus' affairs and my parents
fights?"

"Yeah?"

"I guess you could say Strife is the product of all their fighting.
You know the story about Hephaistos' birth? That Hera is his mother
and father? Well, Eris used to be the Goddess of Discord and
Mischief. All the fighting that Zeus and Hera did fed her energy.
After a while, she was filled with so much energy from their fights,
that it caused her to become pregnant with Strife. Her body basically
became so overloaded with discordant energy, that it forced the
mischief out."

Joxer looked down at Strife. "That's kinda sad."

"It changed her. She was unable to truly mother Strife because the
discordant energy would cause her to go into terrible rages without
warning. I raised Strife for her. She was scared she'd hurt him."

*Hurt him.* Those words reminded Joxer. "Ares, Demios was here today.
He was trying to kill Strife."

A cold look came over Ares face. "Don't worry about Deimos, Joxer.
I'll take care of him." He promised.

"Alright, Ares."

Ares placed a quick kiss on Strife's brow, and a deep one on Joxer's
lips before flashing away.

"Well Strife, I guess it's just you and me again." He murmured to the
sleeping god.


Joxer ran the damp rag over Strife's skin, cleaning away the sweat.
The ill god had come down with a fever during the night. It had
broken by morning, and Joxer was cleaning away the sweat so he
wouldn't become chilled. He finished the bed-bath, and pulled the
blankets up over Strife's legs. Uncovering the wound, he applied more
salve.

"Well, Strife, how are you feeling today? Your wound's looking
better. I hope you get well soon; everyone's very worried about you.
I don't know if gods need to eat, but if you do you should probably
wake up and eat something." Placing the cap on the salve, he glanced
up at Strife's face.

Strife's eyes were open again. "Food?" He whispered.

"Ahh, I have some broth in case you woke up." Joxer stammered,
rushing over to the stove.

"My cup?" Strife asked.

"I don't have it, but I have a bowl." Joxer offered.

"Need my cup."

"Oh, well I can try calling Cupid or Ares. They should be able to get
it for you."

Exhausted, Strife closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

***********

Joxer ran from the barn back to the house. Ever since the attack by
Deimos, he'd raced through feeding the animals.

Pausing in the doorway, he surveyed the inside of the house. Nothing
seemed out of place. Going over to the bed, he knelt down and checked
on Strife. Assured that he was still alive, he cleared his mind.

"Oh, Great God of Love Cupid,
Please let all be well with your mother and son.
Please let Bliss know I'm practicing up on hide-n-seek.
Thank you for the gift of your father's love, I'll treasure it always.
I'll always feel grateful to you helping me believe I'm worthy of it.
I think Strife's doing better, but he needs his cup.
Please come and visit soon,
Have a nice day,
Joxer.

Suddenly, a glowing golden goblet appeared in front of Joxer. He
lifted his hand to take it, and it was released from the golden glow,
into his hands.

Putting the cup down next to the bed, Joxer once more applied the
salve to Strife's wound.

"Well, Strife, it's looks a lot better. Before you know it you'll be
out causing mischief all over the countryside. Cupid sent your cup,
so you should be able to eat."

Joxer looked up to find Strife starring at him.

"You know it's kinda weird how you wake up when I put the salve on."

"It gives me a few minutes of relief from fighting the blood. My
cup?" Strife whispered.

Joxer handed Strife the empty cup. As soon as it made contact with
Strife's skin, it filled with a pink substance.

Joxer scooted his arm under Strife's neck, lifting his head so he
could drink.

Taking the empty cup and placing it on the table, he turned back to
Strife, only to find him asleep once more.

"Pssst!"

Joxer whirled around, distancing himself from the bed.

A flash of gold sparkles erupted in the center of the room.

"Joxie!" Bliss yelled, launching himself into Joxer's arms.

"Hey, Bliss!" Joxer caught Bliss and hugged him tight. "What are you
doing here?"

"Mommy and daddy are sad."

"Sad?"

"Heart hurts."

"Oh." Joxer replied, confused.

"You happy?" Bliss asked, putting his hand on Joxer's cheek.

"Yeah, Bliss, I'm happy."

"Good. I stay."

"Uh, Bliss, does daddy know where you are?" Joxer asked hesitantly.

Bliss ducked his head and looked at Joxer from lowered lashes. "Yes."

"Is that the truth?"

Bliss pouted. "No." He muttered.

"Don't you think we need to tell him so he doesn't worry?"

Bliss nodded against Joxer's chest.

"Well, are you going to call him, or should I?"

Just then, Bliss' head snapped up and he looked over by the doorway.

A flash of rose petals preceded the arrival of Aphrodite.

Bliss tried to duck and hide behind Joxer.

"Joxie! So, this is where Bliss ran off to!"

"Hi, Aphrodite."

"Hi, Joxie. Wheew, I'm so glad he's with you. Everyone's been looking
for him. I've been watching him, and he slipped away from me."

Bliss noticed there was a figure in the bed and flew over to
him. "Stwife! Stwife?"

Joxer spun around. "Bliss, be careful, Strife's hurt." He hurried
over, and picked Bliss back up. Bliss leaned out from Joxer's arms
and touched Strife's face. He pulled back and looked at Joxer in
concern.

"He'll be alright, Bliss. He even woke up some for me. We just have
to be careful not to move him."

"So, this is where they stashed him." Aphrodite walked inside.

Bliss squirmed out of Joxer's arms, wanting to be put down. Joxer put
him down on the ground, and moved back to talk to Aphrodite. Bliss
stayed by the bed, watching Strife.

"You're not gonna tell anyone, are you Aphrodite? Cupid said I had to
keep him a secret." Joxer asked nervously.

"No, Joxie. It'd break Cupid's heart if something happened to him.
They've always been close."

"Bliss said that Cupid and his mom were sad?"

Bliss turned to look at Joxer and Aphrodite. Suddenly, he noticed
Strife's gold goblet next to the bed. Making sure he wasn't noticed,
he picked up the cup and placed it in Strife's hand. Glancing back to
make sure he wasn't observed, he flew over to Joxer's stove and
dumped the contents into Joxer's broth mixture. Quickly, he flew back
to the bed and put Strife's cup down, just as Joxer turned to look at
him.

"Psyche's upset that Cupid spends so much time working. Apparently,
she's been seeing the Celtic Love God, Aonghus, on the sly and Cupid
just found out. They got in a huge fight, so I came and got Bliss. He
disappeared a little while ago." Aphrodite said quietly, making sure
Bliss couldn't hear her.

"Oh." Joxer said quietly, not sure how to help.

"Bliss, we need to go." Aphrodite walked over and took his hand in
hers.

"Bye, Joxie." `Dite blew him a kiss.

"Bye, Joxie!" Bliss beamed at him.

They flashed out together.


Joxer realized he hadn't eaten in a while. He didn't really feel like
making anything, so he decided to eat a little of the broth he'd made
for Strife.

After several sips, he couldn't stop. It was the most delicious broth
he'd ever eaten. Looking at the empty pan, he couldn't believe he'd
eaten it all.

Strife's body arched on the bed as a strong flash of power hit him.

****************
Aphrodite popped back into her temple, and sent Bliss to his room to
play.

Sighing deeply, she wondered how Cupid was doing. Summoning a viewing
mirror, she snuck a peak into Cupid's temple.

Cupid was sitting on a pile of pillows, a stunned expression on his
face.

*Cupid?*

Cupid flashed into her temple.

"She left." He said in a dead tone.

"What?" Aphrodite was sure she'd misunderstood.

"She left to be with her lover, Aonghus. She said between all the
time I've spent working and trying to keep Strife safe, I never see
to her needs. She doesn't like being tied at home to our child. It's
not *fun* anymore."

"Why that little…"

"Enough, mom. It's over. She's gone. I have to worry about taking
care of Bliss, and getting Strife better now."

*Strife, huh? I knew those two were meant to be together.* Aphrodite
promised herself she'd help her son get over this disaster. Walking
over she gave Cupid a hug.

"Why don't you go check on Strife?"

***********

Cupid arrived at the farmhouse in a muted flash of light.

"Hey, Joxer. How is he?"

"Oh, Cupid!" Joxer jumped in surprise. "I think he's doing better.
His wound wasn't as red the last time I checked him."

"Good."

Joxer looked at Cupid worriedly. "Cupid? Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine." Cupid moved over to sit beside Strife.

"Uhh, Cupid? Are you going to be here awhile?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I'm gonna go feed the animals and do some chores."

Cupid nodded in response.

Joxer threw one last worried look at the God of Love, before heading
for the barn.

"She left me, Strife. You were right all along. Gods and mortals
aren't meant to be together forever. I should have fucked her, and
got her outta my system, like you said. The only thing I don't regret
in this whole mess is Bliss. She didn't even say she wanted to visit
our son. I guess she just wants to forget us all. I'm sorry I hurt
you over this, Strife. Gods, this is like, so much easier to do when
you can't smart back. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but I
still love you."

"I love ya too, Cupe." Strife whispered.

"Wha? How?" Cupid stuttered.

"I don't know. There was a huge blast of energy that hit me earlier.
I think all tha blood is gone. I'm just weak now. I'm startin' ta get
some of my power back, but it's slow." Strife whispered.

Cupid pulled down the covers and lifted the bandage. Where an angry
red wound had been previously, a thin white scar with black stitches
now ran. Cupid put his hand over the wound and concentrated.

"I can't feel any of the blood! You're gonna be okay!" He exclaimed
excitedly, scooping his arms under Strife and holding him.

Strife weakly wrapped his arms around Cupid. "Everthin's gonna work
out, Featherhead. You'll see."

Cupid crawled into bed with Strife, holding him close. Concentrating
his powers, he let Strife's love wash over him, healing some of the
hurt.

Strife held onto his cousin. *I'm not lettin' ya go this time. No
matta how much ya beg. Bein noble sucks. I'm gonna stick ta what I
know. Yep, Featherhead, we're gonna be hitched before ya know what
hit ya. No more wastin time. Unc was right. I should' a chained ya up
somewhere `til ya wised up.*


"You know, Gabby, you can be such a bitch!" Joxer dogged the goat's
leg as it lashed out.

"I'm glad you finally see that." Ares appeared in a flash behind him.

Joxer jumped in surprise and tried desperately to regain his grip on
his bucket.

Ares grabbed the bucket and sat it down.

"Ares!" Joxer cried out in surprise.

"Joxer."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Joxer, everything's fine. I just wanted to visit you."

"Oh."

Ares moved in closer to Joxer, brushing his hand alongside his face.

"Have you thought anymore about coming to Olympus with me?"

"It's kinda scary. I'm not sure how I'll fit in." Joxer said,
hesitantly eyeing Ares.

"You'll be my companion, Joxer. Someone I can talk to when I'm not
bogged down with work. Someone I can be me around. `Dite, Bliss, and
Cupid will be up there too. You can talk to them, they like you."

"Will I ever get to come back?"

"Why would you want to, Joxer. What has ever happened down here that
would draw you back?"

Joxer sat down on a bale of hay. He couldn't think of a single person
or thing that would be worth turning down Ares offer. All of his
friends were gone, if they were even there to begin with. The only
people he'd spoken to in months were gods. Joxer looked back up at
Ares. "Do you love me?" He whispered.

Ares sat down next to him on the bale. "Joxer, the only people I can
truly say I love are my children and some of my family. I'm very fond
of you, but I don't know if I love you. It's not an emotion that
comes easily to me. Cupid says I do, if that's any comfort."

"Oh." Joxer starred down as he shuffled his feet.

Ares cupped Joxer's chin, and lifted his face. "Is that enough,
Joxer."

Joxer leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Ares lips. "For now."

Ares flicked his tongue out, rubbing it against Joxer's.

Joxer wrapped his arms around Ares, wishing their clothes were gone.

Ares whisked their clothes away, and created a large bed behind them.
Lifting Joxer into his arms, he deposited him on the bed. He paused a
moment to look at the slim body laid out before him, before kneeling
over Joxer.

Joxer ran his hand up the hard muscled thigh.

Ares shifted closer, inviting his touch.

Joxer placed his hand on Ares ass, drawing him flush with his body.

Ares started to slowly grind his pelvis against Joxer's. Lifting
slightly, he rubbed his erect shaft against Joxer's, while pulling
him into a deep kiss.

Joxer broke the kiss, gasping for air. Shifting his head, he started
nibbling on Ares' neck. Biting down lightly on the corded muscle
there.

Ares arched his neck towards Joxer, encouraging him. Joxer used both
hands and started rubbing and pulling Ares' nipples.

Ares cupped Joxer's full balls, lightly lifting them forward. With
his other hand, he swiped his thumb under the head of the swollen
cock. Shifting down, he swiped his tongue across the slit. Feeling
Joxer jerk, he smiled in response. Bending once again, he engulfed
Joxer's leaking cock in his mouth.

Joxer groaned low in his throat, and clutched the bed covers with his
fists. Ares' talented tongue and mouth were driving him insane. He
could feel his body building up, getting ready to climax. "Ares." He
groaned in warning.

Ares drew back, releasing Joxer's cock.

Joxer whimpered in protest. He'd been so close. Opening his eyes, he
saw Ares holding a small vial, coating his cock. Joxer let out
another low whimper escape him.

Ares placed a quick kiss on his lips in response.

Bending Joxer's knees up to his chest, he exposed the object of his
quest. Ares placed a quick kiss on Joxer's trembling thigh, and
pushed one finger inside the puckered opening.

Joxer felt the muscle give, allowing Ares further access to his body.
Ares twisted and turned his finger, loosening Joxer. Withdrawing
briefly, he added another finger, taking care to use plenty of oil. A
third finger was added, before Ares was ready to proceed.

Ares lifted himself up, placing the tip of his cock at Joxer's
entrance. Making sure Joxer's legs were settled over his shoulders,
he placed a lingering kiss on his lips. "Ready?"

"Please." Joxer gasped out.

Ares pressed inward. Unbelievable tightness surrounded his cock.
Soon, he was all the way in. Ares pressed his forehead against
Joxer's, looking him in the eye. Slowly, he withdrew a little, only
to slowly thrust back inside. Going slowly, Ares gradually increased
the length and force of his thrusts, until he was slamming into
Joxer.

Joxer couldn't get enough. The feel of Ares' hard cock hitting his
prostate was driving him wild. Each thrust was sending him closer and
closer to the edge, as jolts of pleasure shot through his body. Small
mewing noises were escaping his throat. Briefly, he attempted to meet
Ares' thrusts as best he could in his position. Suddenly, it was too
much, and Joxer exploded all over their chests.

Ares smiled in triumph as he felt Joxer's cum hit his belly and
chest. Closing his eyes, he let the rippling contractions sweeping
through Joxer's body overtake him. Releasing his hot seed into
Joxer's body, Ares sent a small zap of power through with it.
Joxer's eyes flashed open in shock, as he felt his cock erupt once
more.

"There are some perks to having a god as a lover Joxer." Ares growled
in his ear, gently kissing the shell.
Suddenly, Joxer cried out in alarm. His body felt as if it was on
fire from the inside.

"Joxer!" Ares held him, unsure of what was happening. Suddenly, he
felt it. Joxer was changing.

*ARES! The Pantheon Hall, NOW! And bring the one you're with.* Zeus
thundered.

Ares looked up in alarm. "Joxer, we've been summoned to the Pantheon
Hall. Just hold on, you'll be alright in a moment."

Ares wrapped his arms around Joxer and transported them to the Hall,
re-clothing them on the way.

Gathered all around were the gods and goddesses that made up the
Pantheon.

"Ares, God of War, you have disobeyed a direct order from me not to
make one of your mortals immortal. Not only that, you made him a god!
Therefore, you will face the judgment of the Pantheon as to whether
you get to keep your lover. Since it takes a majority vote to create
a new god, it will take a majority vote for your lover to keep his
godhood. If he fails to receive the majority of votes, he will be
stripped of his godhood, and cast into Hades realm. Do you have
anything to say before we pass judgment?" Zeus thundered.

"I didn't make Joxer a god. Therefore, I don't believe that killing
him is necessary. I didn't disobey your order. If a majority vote to
strip Joxer of his godhood is reached, I ask that he be returned to
his mortal state." Ares said quietly.

Several gods muttered and shifted in their seats.

"How did he become immortal?" Athena asked, voicing the question
everyone was thinking.

"When I felt his godhood emerge, I quickly checked the Hall of Time.
Bliss played a bit of mischief, hoping to help Strife. He used
Strife's cup, while Strife slept, and poured ambrosia into Joxer's
broth. The ambrosia was diluted, so it didn't work right away. When
Joxer ate the broth, the mischief energy was released. Bliss' plan
worked, and Strife is past the point where the hind's blood can kill
him. Once he has sufficiently regained his energy reserves, he will
be fine. The jolt of power you sent through Joxer activated his
godhood, Ares." Hera announced.

"Yes, well, on to the vote." Zeus muttered.

"I, Zeus, King of the Gods, vote for stripping his godhood."

"I, Hera, Queen of the Gods, vote for keeping him."

Zeus shot her a furious look.

"I, Poseidon, God of the Sea, vote for stripping his godhood."

"I, Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest, vote for keeping him." *See how
you like being denied what you want, Zeus. You should have given my
daughter back to me, not made me share.*

"I, Apollo, God of Sun, vote for keeping him." *This is gonna be so
awesome! The little dude is already stirring up trouble!*

"I, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, vote for stripping his godhood."

"I, Hephaistos, God of Smiths, vote for keeping him." *I know how
dear he is to you, `Dite. Plus, he'll keep Ares busy.*

"I, Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, vote for keeping him." *You're always
distracted when you have someone to play with Ares. This should keep
you out of my way for quite awhile.*

"I, Ares, God of War, vote for keeping him."

"I, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, vote for keeping him." `Dite threw a
wink at Joxer.

"I, Hermes, God of Messengers, vote for keeping him." *No way I'm
ever letting Auto live this one down! He won't ever be able to forget
either, if Joxer's a god!*

"I, Hestia, Goddess of the Hearth, vote for keeping him." *I sense he
will be needed in the world.*

Zeus stood still, stunned with rage.

*You will be gracious about this. Ares deserves some happiness. You
only imposed that order on him to spite me. Well, if you want to
battle, I believe your little Hercules still has some friends left
for me to visit.* Hera sent mentally to Zeus.

"So be it. The mortal formerly know as Joxer the Mighty is now to be
know as Joxer, protector of innocents, God of Vengeance."

Zeus flashed out in a furious burst of lightening.

Ares turned stunned eyes on Joxer.

Joxer looked around the hall, still filled with various gods, and
fainted.


Joxer snapped awake with a jerk. Looking around, he spotted Cupid,
Aphrodite, Strife, Hephaistos, and Ares.

"Ares, I don't know anything about being a god. And Vengeance? I
don't like hurting people!" Joxer was starting to hyperventilate.

Ares wrapped his arms around him, trying to calm him.

"Joxer, it'll be alright. We'll help you." Cupid tried to help.

"Joxer. Joxer!" Ares tried to get his attention.

Joxer's head snapped up and he took gulps of air, trying to calm
himself.

"Joxer, Zeus said it himself, you're the God of Vengeance, but you're
also the protector of innocents. Think. Who are the most innocent
mortals?"

Joxer thought for a moment.

"He means kids." Strife helped out.

"Exactly. You're the perfect person for this job. Think of all the
children who need you." Ares soothed.

Joxer looked thoughtful for quite awhile. "I could help them? Like I
needed help?"

"Yeah, Joxie, you can help them." `Dite smiled gently at him.

Joxer looked back at Ares hesitantly. "Ares? Could I go back to the
farm for a while? I think if I finish out the summer there, I'll feel
better. It's really helped me find myself, and I think it's what I
need to think my way through this whole god thing."

Ares nodded. "Yeah, Joxer, I think you staying on the farm for a
couple of months will be just the thing. We'll take turns dropping in
to help you learn your powers. Alright?"

Joxer sagged against Ares' chest in relief.


2 Months Later

"…so I grabbed one of the ropes from the rigging, and swung out on
it, grabbing the Hestian Virgin. The pirate captain waived his sword
at me yelling I had nowhere to run. We landed back on my boat just as
the fire weakened the hold of the ship. It gave way, taking the
pirates down to Poseidon's grasp." Autolycus finished with a flourish.

The barmaids shrieked for another story.

Auto paused for a moment. "Well, I suppose I could tell you of the
time I saved Hercules from the giant snake monster..." He murmured,
stroaking his mustache.

"Oh, Autolycus, you're so brave!" The dim, but well endowed, barmaid
cooed.

"Gee, Herc, that's not the way you told the story. I guess we better
stick around for Autolycus' version." Iolaus snickered.

Hercules groaned.

"Hercules! Iolaus! Sorry ladies, I need to catch up with friends, but
I will be around later…"

The women reluctantly dispersed after a few steamy looks at Auto.

Autolycus gestured to Hercules and Iolaus. "Come on, come on. Sit
down. I haven't seen you two in ages! So, have you guys seen Joxer,
lately?"

Hercules and Iolaus exchanged suspicious glances at Auto's behavior.

"Actually, Auto, we haven't seen him in quite awhile." Hercules
answered.

Autolycus slumped in his chair.

"Why are you looking for him?" Iolaus couldn't hold the question back.

Hercules kicked him under the table.

"He's missing. I need to ask him a question, and he disappeared
several months ago. Xena's worried about him, too. Gabrielle yelled
some really hurtful things at him, and he's gone. I've tried
retracing his steps, but the trail was cold. Meg's was my last
resort, and she's been gone visiting family. The girls expect her
back any day."

"Well, Auto, I think you're in luck." Hercules smirked, eyeing the
woman standing in the doorway.

"Hello folks, Meggie's back." Meg drawled huskily from the doorway,
surveying the room.

"Meg!" Autolycus yelled, scrambling through people to greet her.
Finally reaching her, he grabbed her in a big hug.

"Well, Autie, I think ya missed me." She whispered, gripping his ass.

Auto squirmed back. "Uh, well, I kinda need a favor."

Meg's crossed her arms and starred at him.

"It's for a friend!" Auto stammered quickly. "See, I'm looking for
Joxer, and I thought you might know where to find him."

Meg's expression changed to sorrow. "Joxie bought a farm about two
days walk from here. He was real upset a while ago. Said he was gonna
do the farmer thing. I haven't seen him since."

Autolycus grabbed Meg in a bear hug. "Thanks, Meg!" He rushed out the
door.

"You know Herc, I think there's more to Auto finding Joxer than he
told us." Iolaus said with a troubled frown on his face.

"I think you're right, Iolaus. Let's go. I want to make sure Joxer's
alright, myself."

With that, both heroes followed after Autolycus.


2 Days Later

"You know, you two really don't have to come with me." Autolycus said
for the thousandth time.

"We just want to make sure Joxer's alright, Autolycus. Is there some
reason you don't want us going along?" Iolaus was exasperated with
that statement and decided to attack with one of his own.

"Uh, no, no, no reason." Auto stammered. "Look, that must be the
farmhouse."

Hercules and Iolaus exchanged another curious glance.

"Joxer! Joxer!" Autolycus yelled out, approaching the house.

A figure exited the barn, and watched them draw closer.

Joxer was stunned. Autolycus, Hercules, and Iolaus were here. What
could they possibly want?

"Hello." He quietly greeted the three.

"Hello, Joxer." Hercules and Iolaus chimed together.

Auto grabbed Joxer by the shoulders. "Joxer! You're alright!"

"Um, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you know, you went missing."

Joxer frowned briefly in confusion. *Somebody missed me?* "Why don't
we go inside, where it's cooler."

Everyone sat down at the kitchen table.

"I've got some wine, goat's milk, or ale, if you're thirsty." Joxer
offered.

"Thanks, Joxer." Iolaus said, accepting his ale.

"Joxer, Xena'd really like to see you. She didn't find out what
Gabrielle said to you until a little while ago." Auto said quietly.

"Why? She want to tell me the same thing? I know I'm not a warrior,
I've accepted that now."

"Joxer…" Hercules began, concerned.

"No, it's alright. I finally found something I'm good at." Joxer
replied. "Nobody will get hurt because of my ineptness."

"But, Joxer…" Iolaus began.

"At first, I thought I was a failure at farming, too. I was sitting
out on the porch, wondering what I was going to do next, when Cupid
showed up. He made me see that I wasn't a failure. I couldn't believe
it. I thought I was doomed to be a screw-up. It's amazing what a
little encouragement will do for a person."

Hercules and Iolaus exchanged surprised glances, tensing up. Past
experience had taught them that the gods rarely did anything without
reason.

"Cupid?" Hercules asked.

"Oh, yeah, he's a really nice god. I baby-sit Bliss for him."

The heroes relaxed at that bit of news.

"So, Joxer, this place must've cost a fortune." Autolycus blurted
out, unexpectedly.

"Not really, Auto. The area has had really bad droughts for several
years. The old owner practically gave it to me."

"Oh." Autolycus muttered.

Joxer threw Hercules and Iolaus a questioning glance.

They shrugged in response.

"Hey, Joxer, why don't you give us a tour?" Iolaus asked.

Joxer shrugged and showed them around the farm. By the time they made
it back to the house, it was bedtime.

"I've got some food in the cabinet. You guys can have the house
tonight; I need to sleep in the barn. There's a bed in the back room,
and another one by the fire."

"Joxer, we won't kick you out of your own house." Hercules protested.

"You're not, Hercules. Please, enjoy the beds. I know you don't get
to sleep on one all that often." With that, Joxer headed towards the
barn.

"Herc, something weird's going on here." Iolaus whispered
quietly. "Autolycus is acting anxious and rude. And, Joxer, he's
acting strange, too."

"I noticed, Iolaus. I don't know what's wrong with them."

***********
Autolycus pulled back the covers on the bed by the fire. Hidden there
was a large white feather. He pulled it out and examined it. *Huh,
it's too large to be one of Bliss'. It must be Cupid's. Could Joxer
have stolen Cupid away from his wife?*

***********

Joxer curled up in his bed. Suddenly, an arm wrapped itself around
his waist.

"I need to stay another day, Ares."

Ares growled. "Just tell them you're a god now, and be done with it."

"They're here for a reason, I'd like to find out what it is first."

"Alright." Ares reluctantly agreed.

**********
The Next Morning

"So, Joxer, you said you baby-sit Bliss?" Autolycus began.

"Yes."

"Does that mean that Cupid's here a lot?"

"Well, he usually drops Bliss off and picks him up." Joxer looked at
Autolycus curiously.

"Oh. So, how're he and the wife?"

Hercules and Iolaus starred at Autolycus, still unsure of his
intentions.

"They broke up."

"They did!?" Autolycus feigned astonishment, sure he figured out what
Joxer had stolen.

"Yeah, she left him for a Celtic Love God."

"Oh." *Back to square one!*

"Is Cupid alright?" Iolaus asked.

"Yeah, he's getting better."

Suddenly, a bright flash of light heralded the arrival of a god.

"Hey, Joxie, ready for your lessons?" Strife giggled.

"STRIFE!!" They chorused.

"Whoops." Strife muttered.

Autolycus stepped back to listen.

"How?" Hercules said quietly, moving towards Strife.

"You were dead!" Iolaus shouted.

"I got bettah." Strife smirked.

Hercules grabbed Strife by the collar. "Tell the truth!" He growled
lifting and shaking him.

"Put him down."

Everyone froze.

"Put him down." Joxer repeated.

Hercules turned and looked at Joxer. "What's going on here?"

"You're both guests in my home, and he hasn't done anything to you.
So, put him down."

Hercules slowly set Strife back on the floor, but didn't release his
collar.

"What did he mean by lessons, Joxer." Iolaus asked quietly.

"Release him, Hercules."

"Joxer, he can't be trusted!" Hercules shouted.

"He's part of my family, now. Let him go."

Hercules just stood there.

Joxer brought up his hand, forming a fireball. "For the last time,
let him go. He is not the god you think you know any longer. Brushes
with death can change even gods. And, even if he was the same god, he
hasn't done anything to you yet."

Hercules eyed the fireball in disbelief. Reluctantly, he let go of
Strife's collar, and stepped away from the god.

"You stole ambrosia?" Autolycus blurted out, eyeing the fireball.

Strife snorted. "He didn't steal it. Bliss gave it ta him. We've been
teachin' him how ta use his powers."

Autolycus banged his head back against the wall.

Joxer dissipated the fireball as Ares flashed into the room.

"Ares!" Hercules spat.

Ares sneered at him, before going over to Joxer's side.

"What are you the god of, Joxer?" Iolaus asked, cautiously moving
beside Hercules.

"He's the protector of innocents, God of Vengeance." Cupid replied
flashing into the room behind Strife.

"And my beloved." Ares said quietly.

Joxer jerked his head to the side, and starred at Ares.

"You need to relinquish some of your anger towards your family,
Hercules. You could have seriously hurt Strife. He's still weak from
his brush with death. He hadn't done anything to provoke you, and you
attacked him. Perhaps if you examine your actions a little more
closely, you'll find that in trying to avoid being like your family,
you're becoming more like them." Joxer told the stunned hero. "If you
had hurt Strife, I would have been more than justified in taking
Vengeance on you. Autolycus, the next time you see Xena, tell her if
she still wants to talk to me, she just has to call my name. Iolaus."
Joxer nodded goodbye.

With that Ares and Joxer flashed away to home.

"I'd take his advice if I were you, Jerkules. Joxie's been seein the
truth about people since he became a god. It's all part've his
Vengeance gig." Strife looked at Cupid. "Comin'?"

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a bit." Cupid kissed him goodbye, and
turned to Hercules.

"Joxer was right, you know. Strife has changed. He's realized that
even a god can't have enough time. You're, like, mortal, Hercules.
One day, you're gonna die, and join us on Olympus because you did
those twelve labors. Maybe it's time you stopped and lived your
mortal life, instead of roaming the countryside. Once you're a god,
everything different. Zeus's let you play at bein' one of us, but you
haven't been burdened with the responsibility, yet. You better enjoy
bein' mortal while you can."

Hercules looked at Cupid in disbelief. "Yeah right. Maybe I should
take another wife for Hera to fry, is that it? Let all the innocent
people I help suffer?"

Cupid rolled his eyes at Hercules. "You did hear what Joxer's the god
of, right? He protects the innocent. Hera can't touch your family or
friends without retribution from him, unless you provoke her. And,
there's like, no way, dad's gonna let anyone hurt Joxer. Joxie stole
his heart, man! So, get on with your life, and leave us alone. As for
the people you help, that's Joxer's job now, but you can still help
out like you did when you were married, if you want."

Autolycus let out a strangled scream and started kicking the
wall. "NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! How am I ever gonna top that!
I can't even steal it! Ahhhh!"

"Geez, Auto, chill. I didn't know you had the hots for dad." Cupid
laughed. *Hey, Hermes, Auto's freekin' out!*

Auto leaned back against the wall, and slid to the floor. "He took my
title." He whispered in shock.

Hercules and Iolaus exchanged concerned looks.

"That's it. I give up. I can't top stealing the God of War's heart.
Who knew he even had a heart. All those years of work, and war does
me in. He can be the King of Thieves. I'll settle for number two.
Yeah, that's it! I'll just call myself…ah…The Prince of Thieves.
Yeah, that has a nice ring to it." He muttered in shock.

Hermes flashed into the room. "So, son, I hear you swiped a magic
mirror, and lost your title?" He asked, squatting down beside Auto.

"Yeah. Should have just left the thing alone! Then I'd have never
know." Autolycus muttered darkly, snapping out of his shock.

Hermes smirked at his son. "You know you can't resist a challenge."

"Apollo told me *Joxer* was the King of Thieves! *Joxer!* Here I am
slaving away for years, building up my reputation, and he comes along
and steals it all! This isn't fair!" Autolycus ranted.

"So, that's what this has been about." Hercules muttered to Iolaus.

Cupid rolled his eyes and flashed out.

Hermes started shaking. Before long, he couldn't hold the laughter
inside and was rolling on the ground.

"This isn't funny!" Autolycus shouted.

Hermes finally stopped laughing. "Autolycus, how many times have I
told you to research an item, before you steal it?"

"I do!"

"Well, if you'd researched that mirror a little harder, you would
have found out it prophesies the future. That's why Apollo appeared.
He's got a couple of other mirrors out there that tell different
things. You should have stolen the one that tells the present, and
you'd have never know about Joxer being the King of Thieves." Hermes
started chuckling again.

"What?"

"Auto, until a few months ago, you were the King of Thieves. Now the
title has gone to Joxer. Admit it, there's nothing you can steal that
will top Ares' heart. You're just gonna have to settle for the second
best position. Think of it this way, The King of Thieves is a god.
You're just a demi-god. You're the best thief you can be. Besides,
someday there will be something that will win back your title. You
just have to wait."

Auto thought it over. "Yeah. Yeah! There's no shame in being second
best to a god. After all, they have the powers and stuff. That's it."
He snapped his fingers. Reaching up he stroked his mustache. "Oh,
watch out world. The Prince of Thieves is comin'!" He shouted,
thrusting his finger towards the sky.

Hermes lost it, and started rolling with laughter once more.

Hercules and Iolaus exchanged disgusted looks, and walked out the
door.

The End.

P.S. Auto's still waiting.

**Sorry, I couldn't resist the whole Prince of Thieves thing. I mean
really, Auto wears the green all the time, and he's pretty good with
his grapples and ropes. Plus, there's the whole stealing thing they
have in common. Yes, yes, I know Auto probably won't give to the
poor, but who says Robin Hood gave it all away? Now, being Auto is a
demi-god and master thief, you know he's got an apple or some
ambrosia squirreled away somewhere. So, it's not totally impossible.
He'll have all the time in the world to try and win his title back.

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