Title: My Arm Doesn't Bend That Way
Author: Hergerbabe
Fandom: Xena
Pairing: J/A or C/S, C/S or J/A, I don't know you decide
Rating: NC-17
Category: First times with a twist
Archive: yes to list archives
Challenge: Christine's real life sex challenge, featuring bodily odours, pain, strange noises etc.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, no money, yadda yadda yadda!
Author's Notes: Um, not my usual style, hope it works for everyone, sillyness abounds!
To Christine for being inspirational, and a thoughtful beta!
My Arm Doesn't Bend That Way
"Ow!"
"Sorry." There's a struggle with fastenings.
"For fuck's sake, will you get it off."
"I'm trying. Oh, hello, is this for me." A sniggering fit abounds.
"Yeah, yeah. Shut up and touch me."
"Sorry. Never seen one that shape before." More sniggering.
A thin body is hauled up to lie against a muscular one.
"Ow!"
"What?"
"You're crushing my balls."
"Sorry." Bodies shift to get comfortable.
"Oh yeah, better." A sigh and lips meet at last.
"Oh man, you had to eat onions?"
"Oh, sorry. Didn't exactly plan on this you know."
"Just move. Oh yeah!" Bodies slide sinuously together.
"We need oil."
"Why can't you, oh!" Teeth latch on to an exposed neck.
"Woah!" The thin body slides off the muscular body.
"Too much oil. Stop laughing, it's not funny."
The laughing stops abruptly, when hard cock is gripped tightly.
"Oh!" The hand starts to move slowly. "Oh yeah."
The slim man crawls back on top of the large man, ignoring a pout as the erection is released.
"Want you on top."
"Okay, just a sec." More manoeuvring.
"Um, my arm doesn't bend that way."
"Sorry." Quiet curses are muttered until hard cocks are at last sliding together again.
"Oh yeah, that's good."
Small, breathy sighs issue from the smaller man.
*Thwarp*
All movement ceases.
"Did you just?" A snigger escapes.
"No, I did not!" More sniggering is followed by a sharp slap. The larger man stares in shock at his partner.
"Fucking move would you."
"Gods, you're demanding."
A smirk covers the slim face.
"Aren't I? So, are you going to fuck me, or what?"
A growl echoes through the room. "Turn over."
A muttered expletive causes the larger man to pause.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Why do I have to move again?"
"Would you quit whining. Okay, okay, we'll do it this way."
Legs are parted and pushed back and oiled fingers pressed into the exposed hole. A moan of pleasure is followed by a moan of disgust.
"Tell you what, you top."
Fingers are hastily cleaned and positions are reversed again.
"Ow, ow, hair!"
"Sorry." Sniggering starts again.
"Just fuck me."
"But…"
"But nothing. Fuck preparation, fuck lube, just do it."
"Okay! Pushy!"
A hard thrust is followed my a low moan of pain. Teeth are gritted.
"Maybe a bit more lube."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
There's a long pause.
"You can move now."
"Oh, right."
There are two moans, this time of pleasure. A strange schlurping noise is ignored in the heat of the moment; until it occurs again, and again.
"Will you stop making that noise."
"It's not me, it's you!"
"Whatever, just keep moving."
Breathing is harder now.
"Touch me."
"I have to do all the work."
There is a mock sigh.
"Just fucking touch me!"
"Okay, okay."
"Oh yeah."
The room is silent, except for the creaking bed, quiet moans and the odd schlurp. Then twin cries shatter the quiet, followed by a loud crash.
"Oh shit!"
The men stare at each other and start to laugh.
"I can't believe you broke the bed."
"Me? I'm not the one on top!"
More laughter follows, until eventually the two men curl up on the broken bed.
"I love you, you know."
"Yeah. Yeah, me too."
The End!!!!
Broken links or other errors can be sent to
Carrie. Suggestions are also welcome.