Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Title: Stranger Still, 1/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Xena
Pairing: Various, probably, through the story, but
none right now.
Rating: NC17
Summary: Apollo summons Scribe (and others) to meet
the fates. Something is afoot
Archive: Yes, if you like, but tell me where, so I can
visit it, or recommend it.
Feedback: poet77665@yahoo.com
Status: WIP
Sequel/Series: Sequel to Stranger in a Strange Land
Disclaimer: I did not create the media based
characters here, I don't own them. I derive no profit
from this effort. I mean nothing but respect for the
creators, owners, and the actors and actresses who
portray them. Only Scribe and a few minor characters
are completely mine.
Websites:
http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles and
http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver
Warnings: Probably graphic sex, of both the het and
slash varieties.
Notes: Stranger in a Strange Land began as nothing
more than a little personal fantasy. For some ungodly
reason I posted the first section to a few lists. The
response was so encouraging that it became a chapter
story, and I had so much fun with it, it should be
illegal. Then some durn fool had to go and suggest a
sequel...
More notes: **This was part of a forwarded humorous
list of what 'Ladies' do, as opposed to how 'Real
Women' respond to the same situation. ***I lifted
this joke from Will and Grace. Credit where credit is
due.
Formatting: //this is material written by Scribe//
Extra Warning: In this story you get large doses of
both Strifespeak and Jaycejargon. It nearly gave my
spellcheck a nervous breakdown. Deal with it.
Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos
Stranger Still
A Sequel to Stranger in a Strange Land
By Scribe
Part 1/?
//Heracles and Jamison, breathless and sweat slick,
parted. They lay beside each other, staring up at the
fast lightening sky, letting the dewy grass cool their
damp, heated skin. They were silent for a long
moment, then Heracles spoke, breaking the stillness.
"Was it good for you, too?"//
Strife, who was peering over my shoulder as I wrote,
made a face. "Not up ta yer usual level of sparklin
dialogue."
"Strife, look who's talking in this piece." He
thought a moment, then snickered. "Right.
Considering the character, I can't give him smooth
lines."
"Okay, I got tha Heracles bit. Who's Jamison? He IS
someone, right?"
"If by that you mean he's 'based' on an actual
person--I don't know how I should answer that,
considering the fact that I'm STILL not entirely sure
that my life here is 'real'. But you ought to know.
Remember that the Jamison character is captain of a
ship called the Barko, and he's just returned from the
Quest for the Silver Hide."
Strife blinked, then grinned. "Yer a bad, bad girl,
Scribe." I polished my nails on my tunic. He
laughed. "Damn, I like that in a woman."
I blew gently on the scroll, to help the ink dry.
"Strife, when are you going to get around to snagging
me a few ballpoint pens or markers from the Halls of
Time?" I examined my ink-smudged fingers. "This
sucks big time."
He plopped into a chair, casually slouching, with one
leg slung over an arm--a pose he'd no doubt learned
from Ares. "I been banned fah tha next coupla
decades. How tha Tartarus was I s'posed ta know tha
Muses would take that book on Feminism seriously?" He
slumped a little more. "An' how was I s'posed ta know
that Zeus would actually listen ta Apollo bitchin
about his regulah nookie source bein cut off? Just my
luck he'd been blown off by his latest sweetie an' was
feelin sympathetic."
I sighed. "I guess a laptop would be out of the
question, then. Oh, well... It isn't as if I'd have
anywhere to plug it in, anyway. It's just that
writing longhand is tiring enough, never mind having
to use a quill pen."
There was a discreet tap at the door of my study, and
I called, "C'mon in--we're all decent here."
Strife stuck out his tongue at me. "Speak fah
yaself."
The door opened, and a steady stream of cats began to
pour into the room. I instantly snatched up my most
recent scroll before it became paw-printed. As I held
it up, the flow of cats diminished, and Germanicus, my
chief priest slipped in. He bowed apologetically.
"I'm sorry, Lady Scribe, but..."
"It's cool, Germanicus." I examined the scroll, noted
that all the ink was dry, and rolled it up, then
stowed it in a cabinet. "I know cats. It isn't as if
having them sneak into a room surprises me. Wassup?"
"Lord Apollo craves an audience."
Strife gaped. "Scribe, you got Mistah Shiny ASKIN ta
come in?"
"He 'accidentally' popped in on me in the bathtub once
too often and I made him eat a handful of soap. He
blew bubbles for two days." I smiled. "Fond memories
of Lawrence Welk when I was a child. Since then he's
been observing the rules of a good visitor. Okay,
Germanicus--he can come in."
Germanicus bowed again, turned, and left. Strife was
giggling. I watched indulgently as the giggles
increased till he fell out of the chair and rolled on
the floor, holding his sides. Apollo entered, giving
me his usual cheesy grin. Strife had been winding
down, but when he saw Apollo he started howling again.
Apollo sighed, smile fading. "You told him about the
bubbles."
"I didn't mention about what the Muses told me
happened when you farted."
That set Strife off again. I had to dodge to avoid
being knocked over when he rolled around, but I had a
lot of experience, what with all the cats. When he
could speak again he said, "Whoo, tha girls are gonna
catch it from me fah not gettin that in a scryin
mirrah."
"Watch it, Fishbelly, or I'll PARK the chariot over
you. We'll see how Cupid likes his meat well done,"
snapped Apollo.
"Will you two boys stop pissing all over my room? Hi,
'pol. Business, or just visiting?"
He looked worried, which, in turn, worried me. Apollo
was one of the original good time guys. That cruddy
'oh-my-God-it's-stuck-in-my-mind-let-me-cut-my-throat'
song--Don't Worry, Be Happy--might have been written
for him. "Wish I could say it was just to bask in
your presence, or pick up a couple of juicy bits of
fiction, but it's business. Strife, it concerns you,
too." *pause* "I THINK. You'd better come along,
just in case."
Not good. Not good at all. "Come where?"
"The cave of the Fates."
I winced. "Double doo-hockey. I don't want to see
those wacked-out wenches. Can't you just tell me
what's up?"
He shook his head. "Afraid not. I'll drop you off
there, then I need to go pick up a couple of other
people. Come one."
Perhaps you're wondering why I didn't just zap myself
over to the cave? Remember my reactions to
transporting before I became a goddess? Well, they
hadn't changed much. About seven times out of ten I
ended up urping. Every now and then I got seriously
disoriented and had to sit down. I tried REAL hard
not to transport anywhere alone. Everyone told me I'd
get used to it eventually. Yeah, and that's what they
told me when I tried to cut salt out of my diet, too.
I never knew there were so many shameless liars.
I stepped up to Apollo, and he reached for me. "Be
very careful where those hands land, unless you want a
story circulating about you not being able to shift
beneath the sheets."
He looked hurt. "Scribe! Would I take advantage of
your problem to grope you?"
"In a New York minute."
"Huh?"
"Quicker than Hermes on a sugar rush."
He sighed. "You know me so well." His hands settled
decoriously at the small of my back. And made little
circles. Hey, I guess I can't ask the guy to
completely deny his nature. It would be like showing
Strife a mudpuddle and expecting him NOT to trip
Gabrielle into it. Besides, it felt pretty nice.
With his gig as head of the medical branch of the
Pantheon, he KNEW from massage. *cough* Or so the
Muses told me.
*FLASH*
No, Apollo did not lift his toga and give me a peek.
Not that he hadn't before. Not that I hadn't looked,
either. Hey, you live around a bunch of gods and
goddesses, you begin to learn to take unexpected
nudity in stride. And it makes for some nice scenery
occasionally.
Where was I? Oh, yeah--flash. That was us
transporting into the cave of the Fates.
The second we materialized in the low ceinlinged,
cramped cavern, Apollo materialized a chair and eased
me into it. "Do I need to get a basin?"
"What's my complexion look like? Any green?"
He studied me. "Nope. Nice, healthy pink and cream."
He pinched my cheek. "You're just so cute!"
I slapped his hand. "Stop that. The only people I've
ever allowed to do that were maiden aunts, and I
didn't have many of those--we're a prolific family.
What now?"
He looked around. "Strife!"
*FLASH*
I was going to have a headache by the time everyone
arrived. Cupid and Strife appeared together, and
Apollo frowned at them. "Only Strife was called."
Strife said, "If ya think I'm gonna deal with tha
Fates without backup, then all that sunshine has fried
yer brain."
Apollo shrugged. "Very well. I have the feeling that
we'll need all the help we can get on this one. I'll
be right back." He flashed out. I materialized a cut
lime and rubbed it on my forehead.** For some reason
I had a feeling that might help with the headache.
Utter rubbish, of course, but it made me smell nice,
and I was prepared if anyone showed up with a bottle
of tequila and some salt.
Cupid materialized a nice, plush love seat (scarlet,
natch), sat, and pulled Strife down on his lap,
beginning to nuzzle his neck. *sigh* I love those
guys--always good for a little tittilation. I glanced
around and said, "Okay, this is the cave of the Fates.
Where are they?"
"Actually," said Strife, "this is sorta an
ante-cavern. Ya know, where people comin ta consult
them cool their heels till tha Daffy Dames of Destiny
are ready for 'em."
"Terrific. I become a goddess, and I'm still stuck in
waiting rooms. And they don't even have the two year
old copies of People, Good Housekeeping, and
Professional Tennis to read."
Cupid looked at me. "Since when do you read tennis
magazines?"
"Since I realized that the men wear shorts all year
round."***
*FLASH*
"Honey, hyu just GOT to tell me how hyu do that! I
hwant those special effect een my show."
I blinked. "Jayce?"
The blonde Joxer clone whirled, then clapped his hands
and squealed. "Scribey!" He came over and gave me a
big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then he slapped me
playfully on the shoulder. "So, hwhen am hi going to
have good news about chu and a certain someone?" I
could feel myself starting to blush.
Apollo said, "Speaking of Jett..."
*FLASH*
"Oh, Tartarus. Jayce, we're not that involved. We're
just dating: a few picnics, a few festivals..." Jayce
winked at me. "Okay--an orgy or two--but it's nothing
SERIOUS."
He put a hand on his hip. "Chu tell heem that, chica.
Hey, he's my brother, but I hyam no fool. I'm not
going to tell the King of Assassins that hees chosen
paramour doesn't take him seriously. Now, then, how
about getting me a chair, and do hyou have any mineral
water to put that lime in?" He smoothed a hand down
his waist. "Hi have to hwatch my figure, or no one
else will."
*FLASH*
When the lights quit dancing before my eyes, Joxer and
Ares were standing in the middle of the room, close
together. They hadn't been married all that long, and
they were still in the 'I hate having you out of my
sight' stage. Jayce gave Joxer a... um... er...
Well, it was sort of a version of the 'slap your back,
grab your ass, damn, I haven't seen you in ages' bit.
With Jayce it looked more like Joxer was getting a
full body, upright massage. Ares gave him a
smoldering look, his mouth barely moving, soundless.
I've developed a teeny bit of a talent for lipreading,
and... What? No, I did NOT learn it simply to
eavesdrop! The very idea. Especially when I can use
hidden scrying mirrors for that. Anyway, Ares was
mouthing, "He's his brother. He's his brother. It
doesn't mean anything. No disemboweling--it would
upset Joxer." It was plain that Joxer was having a
mellowing effect on Ares.
I waved at them. "Heya, boys."
Joxer loped over and hugged me, then he shook his
finger at me. "I heard that you're writing scurrilous
stories about Hercules and Gabrielle."
"Good heavens, Joxer, not at the same TIME! My squick
factor may be high, but it DOES exist."
He materialized a chair and sat beside me. "Do you
have any idea what this is all about? Apollo just
flashed in, told us to hie it here, then flashed out.
That seems more in character with Hermes, and it has
Ares and I curious."
"Join the club."
*Flash*
Apollo stepped away from the mortal he'd been holding
on to--a pretty normal reaction, considering that said
mortal had an impressive body count, and had been
unofficially voted 'Person Most Likely To Be Able To
Get His Hands On Hind's Blood'. Jett casually brushed
down his leathers, spotted me, and gave a slow smile.
*tingletingle*
Okay, I'll admit it--he's sexy as hell. What can I
say? I think it's hardwired into most women to be
attracted to bad boys, and Jett is one of the baddest
ones around. However, he'd also shown me a
surprisingly sweet side. Of course, he sometimes made
me swear never to tell anyone about his more tender
moments. For instance, I am never to mention the
plush stuffed cat, with the rhinestone collar and...
Oops. Hopefully he'll be in a good mood when he
eventually reads this.
He flowed over to me and dropped smoothly to his
knees, then bowed and touched his head to my own
knees. "Oh, Goddess Scribe, I worship at your feet."
"My feet aren't where you are heading." I pushed him
back before he could start rooting in my lap.
He just grinned. "Feisty as ever." He turned his
attention to Joxer. "Bro!" He jumped up, put Joxer
in a headlock, and proceeded to give him noogies. I
was a little worried that Ares might tear him limb
from limb, but he just watch. I think he realized it
was a family thing. Heck, he probably did the same
thing to Apollo.
Jett greeted Jayce next. "Hi, kiddo, how's your love
life?"
Jayce arched an eyebrow. "Hand hwhy would it be
hanytheeng less than sparkling?"
He pinched Jayce's cheek (I snickered seeing him on
the receiving end). "Just kidding, Twinkles. I'm
curious as to why the Solar Chariot Roller hauled me
up here." He cast me a smirk. "Not that I'm not
happy to see my main squeeze."
I rolled my eyes. "The tube of toothpaste has a
question. Is this all of us, and if it is, WHY THE
TARTARUS ARE WE HERE?! And when did it start to feel
natural for me to say Tartarus instead of hell?"
"Almost, but our last involved can get here under
their own power."
*PINKFLASH* *REDFLASH*
"Hi, sweeties!"
"What the fuck is so important?"
"Hi, Aphrodite. Hi, Eris," I said. "Is this it,
'pol? Can we talk to the Tilted Trio and get this
over with?"
Apollo counted heads. "Um, well, we ARE missing a
couple, but I sent Hermes for them, and they should be
here shortly. Let's go on in and get this party
started. They'll be here soon, and we can get them up
to speed later."
I should have been suspicious. I SHOULD have. I'd
had enough examples of Olympian dodging by then.
We all got up and started to shuffle back toward the
hole that lead deeper into whatever part of the earth
we were currently under. "Thank goodness were getting
out of here. It was starting to get awful stuffy, and
I'll appreciate some more..." We entered the 'main
room', which was about half the size of the
'antechamber'. "Crap. I can go for cozy, but
this..."
Strife looped an arm around my shoulders, pulling a
face of false commiseration. "Claustrophobia?" he
said hopefully.
I slapped his chest, making various shiny ornaments
jingle. "Not really. I lived in a forty-foot travel
trailer for four years. It's just that this is
UNDERGROUND. I may be immortal now, but this is just
too damn close to being buried for comfort." He
snickered, and I found myself wrapped in a white sheet
and holding a lily. I used it to bonk him over the
head.
Jett looped an arm around me from the other side.
"Want me to kill him, sweetie?"
"He's immortal and a god--you can't kill him?"
"Wanna bet?" He got stares. "Just kidding--can't
kill him. Want me to try real hard?"
I looked at Joxer. "You know, I never used to hang
around with psychopaths till I came here. Lunatics,
yes--psychopaths, no."
*ahem* *ahem* *ahem*
The Fates had stopped working on the Tapestry of Life
(and don't get me started on how something so huge
could fit into that cramped room--I've learned that
time and space can do some pretty odd things). They
were all watching us with expressions that worried me.
Last time I'd seen them was at my ascention into
minor godhood, and they'd all been smug and gleeful.
They looked solemn and worried. Not a good sign.
Apollo approached them. "Greetings, ladies. I have
summoned all that you spoke of. Please speak to them
the prophecy." The three women exchanged glances,
then began to speak.
"Though brave souls fight and sacrifice,
Evil never truly dies.
It may abate, it may retreat,
It may transmogrify.
Though its plans
Were once denied,
It has just flown,
It hasn't died.
Nine must journey to a place
Far away in time and space."
Atropos grimaced. "Actually, the number is eleven,
but that didn't scan right, so you'll just have to
remember the right number."
I snorted. "Suddenly they're concerned about metre.
Well," I said brightly. "That was vague, even for you
gals."
Clotho said, "That's not all of it."
I sighed. "Of course it isn't. Say on."
"Blood of three passed through the years
lives again in other three.
Charmed they are, but still one dies,
Victim of the Evil freed.
One then joins
But can't replace.
If unchanged,
A chilling waste.
Darkness will be fought by four,
Or Evil will reign evermore."
They fell silent, looking at us expectantly. I
sighed. "Okay, one more time--why can't these
predictions be stated in simple, easy to understand
terms."
Strife grinned. "Because that would make life too
simple."
"I knew there was a good reason." I looked around at
the gathered group, counting heads. "Me, the
triplets, Ares, Dite, Eris, Cupid, Strife, and Apollo.
I thought they said nine." I slapped my forehead.
"Wait--didn't scan--eleven. But with you, 'pol, that
leaves us with ten--still the wrong number."
He cleared his throat. "I'm not going."
"The hell you say! You drag me into... Wait a
minute--I used 'hell'." *thoughtful pause* "I'm too
agitated to think about that right now. Look, I can
go for nine. Nine should be able to handle everything
but a full scale army, and with Ares, Strife, Eris,
and Jett, even that might be possible. After all, I
think the Fellowship of the Ring had nine to start
out, and..." I trailed off. "Oo, bad analogy. At
least one of 'em bites it, and I'm sure that thing
Gandalf went through was pretty painful, and..."
Strife slapped me on the back of the head. Jett
started to reach for him, but I grabbed his arm. "No,
it's okay. I've asked him to snap me out of it when I
start babbling. Thanks, Strife. Anyway, I guess this
could be a pretty efficient band for just about
anything." I shook a finger at Jett. "And we ought
to get along pretty well, so..."
*FLASH*
Three people appeared. Hermes was rubbing a lump on
his head, and said, "You owe me BIG TIME, Apollo!"
*FLASH*
"This is an outrage! We were peacefully minding our
own business, bothering no one, and then we're just
SNATCHED! I'll have you know that I was right in the
middle of preparing for a poetry competition, and if I
don't get back RIGHT NOW I'm going to lose my train of
thought, and..." Gabrielle's voice combined the finer
qualities of harpy squawks and
fingernails-on-a-chalkboard.
Everyone in the cave was either wincing or scowling.
Xena was doing both. I materialized a large glass and
started chugging the pinkish contents. Ares said, "If
that's ambrosia laced, I could use some of it. I'm
going to need strength to resist strangling her in the
next thirty seconds."
I materialized drinks for everyone except Gabby, and
said, "Not exactly ambrosia, but I have occasionally
found it close. It's a Mai Tai, triple strength.
Drink up, folks. I have a feeling that alcohol will
be a necessity to retain sanity in the next couple of
hours.
Title: Stranger Still, 2/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Xena/Charmed Mary Sue
Pairing: Not presently
Rating: R for language and innuendo
Summary: The Fellowship of the Greeks starts out.
Archive: Yes
Feedback: poet77665@catlover.com
Status: WIP
Sequel/Series: Sequel to Stranger In a Strange Land (can be found at
http://www.AresJoxerCupidStrife.com)
Disclaimer: I did not create the recognizable media characters here, I don't own
them. I derive no profit from this effort. I mean nothing but respect for the
creators, owners, and the actors and actresses who portray them. But Scribe is
mine. :)
Websites: http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles and
http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver
Warnings:
Notes: My thanks to Amarin Rose for The Fellowship of the Greeks idea.
Stranger Still, 2/?
By Scribe
Well, Gabby was still going by the time everyone had finished their first drink.
Of course we all drank them so quickly that several people got brain freeze.
Ares pissed and in pain is SCARY. I'm glad Joxer was there. He sat on Ares'
lap to keep him from dismembering Gabby. Normally such a trifling obstacle
wouldn't have had much of an effect, but this was Ares' husband, so he wasn't
just going to chuck him across the room.
I differentiated the second round. Jayce and Aphrodite got Pink Squirrels, with
triple cherries. Xena and Jett opted for ale, so I gave 'em some Guinness.
I've heard that if you drink enough of that stuff, you can get your daily
requirement of vitamins and minerals. Eris asked for something that would kick
her ass, so I gave her some Purple Jesus Punch (only about half-frat strength,
though. We didn't really need Chaos drunk). Cupid took red wine, and Strife
asked for an Alaskan Polar Bear Heater. He recited the recipe for me. I wonder
how many times he's seen The Nutty Professor? Joxer stuck with Mai Tai (I think
mainly for the paper umbrella, but I caught him nibbling coconut out of the
shell, too). Ares had straight bourbon. Shock, shock.
I finally got enough. I materialized a tall, frosty glass of thick brown liquid
and walked up to her. The ranting continued. I think she'd reached the
tangential stage, because she had segued from her own 'kidnapping' to the Sabin
Women, which was ridiculous. I mean, there were no males present with the LEAST
inclination to molest her. I held up the glass in front of her face. She
paused, staring at it suspiciously. "Is that drugged?"
"Don't tempt me. I could very easily have slipped the Olympian version of
Qualudes into it, but instead I used a natural euphoric. It's a Mudslide, made
with Godiva liquer." She stared at me. "Chocolate." She snatched and started
slurping.
*Yelp!*
Brain freeze. Heh heh heh. *snort* Yes, I'm evil.
It shut her up, though. We picked Strife up off the floor from his giggle fit.
I said, "Okay, now that the obligatory hissy fit is out of the way..." I looked
at the Fates. "You're serious, right? I mean, this isn't one of the 'we're
bored, let's jerk everyone's chain over something that's really trivial'
prophecies, right?"
The looked indignant. Clotho said, "All prophecies are important."
"M-hm. Like the one you gave me about the 'coming of many troubles' that meant
that my favorite Siamese was going to have a litter of ten, all of them
particularly rambunctious boogers?"
They fidgeted. "Okay," said Lachesis, "So things had been a little dead that
week. This one is for real, people. If we do nothing, OUR lives won't be
affected, but our descendants in the distant future will be in dire peril."
Xena looked up alertly.
"Well, you've got the attention of the single actual hero here. Okay, what the
heck. It isn't as if I don't have a lot of uneventful years to make up for."
"How long is this going to take?" asked Ares. "It isn't that I don't want to
help, but if I'm going to be gone for any length of time, I'll have to do
something about delegating my duties till I get back." The other gods and
goddesses were nodding.
Atropos said, "That won't be a problem. You will go through a portal in the
Halls of Time, and Hecate has arranged a temporal spell that will condense the
time that you're gone. On this side you will only be gone a few minutes, unless
you're gone, oh, YEARS."
"You're sure?"
"Possibly hours." Ares stared at her. She stared back. She blinked first.
"Okay, maybe days--but that should be the extent of it. Magic is more of an art
than a science."
Clotho said, "There is no time to delay. The sooner this is resolved, the
better."
Jett said, "Hold on--how about a little more information? I mean, just dropping
us off in a strange century with nothing more than that mumbo jumbo you gave us
isn't going to do much good. I'm not about to go on a job unless I have
details, and I think we should treat this the same."
Gabrielle snarled, "You're going to listen to an assassin?"
"Gabby," I said, "do you know what his success rate is?" She opened her mouth
to reply, then shut it. "Exactly. It never hurts to listen to someone who's
tops in their field."
The Fates shrugged in unison. "There isn't much more information available,"
said Lachesis. "We only know that you will be traveling at least two score
centuries..."
"Woof! Hey, that'll take us back up around my home time! I wonder if they got
the last of the Lord of the Rings movie out?"
She ignored me. Eh, people do that at their own peril. I hadn't written a
Fates fic yet, but there's always a first time. "And it won't be in Greece. It
will be in a land not yet discovered--a land of the free, and a home of the
brave."
Strife looked at me curiously. "Why did you just stand up, and why are you
hummin?"
"It's an American thing--you wouldn't understand. Y'all don't HAVE a Greek
national anthem yet."
"So ya know where we're goin?"
"I wouldn't go that far. I know the basic land mass, but the U S of A is a BIG
ol' place. When it comes to land mass, Greece has, and I looked this up
once..."
"Hwy would chu do that?" asked Jayce.
Strife poked him. "It's not safe ta ask her things like that, unless ya ENJOY
bein very, very confused."
"If I can continue, Greece has a land area of roughly 51,000 square miles.
Well, my country is made up of fifty states. I come from Texas, which is the
SECOND largest state--don't EVEN get me started about Alaska--and it has right
around 260,600 square miles." Joxer started counting on his fingers. "That's
about five times the size of Greece, hon, just for my home state."
Dite was frowning. "How ever does your pantheon keep up with things?"
"We don't have the time to discuss this. Not to mention the fact that I try to
ignore the idea that I'm a Christian, and a Greek god at the same time. It
makes my head hurt. Anyway, there could be a big difference if we ended up on
the east coast or the west coast, up around Canada, or down around Brownsville.
I hope that we end up in the last place. Personal prejudices. I never thought
I'd say this, but I think I miss football. It always gave me something to bitch
about. How about it, ladies?"
They put their heads together and whispered. Finally Clotho said, "The best we
can figure out is West coast."
"Ah, well that cuts it down. It's about nine hundred miles from top to bottom."
I perked up. "Maybe we'll end up in Cascade, and I can look up Jim and Blair."
Jett scowled, cracking his knuckles. "You know, if I was the least bit
bloodthirsty, I'd PAY to see you go up against Jim Ellison. Cool it--I was just
daydreaming. We'll be set down close to our destination, won't we?"
Xena shrugged. "It's not like we aren't used to traveling."
"It's not like I've developed a sudden fondness for long walks. Look,
transportation in the 21st century is different. Walking around in some areas
can attract attention, by either the bad elements, or the law elements, and we
won't need to deal with either of those if we can help it. Horses aren't
readily available, and I can promise you that riding one of those down Rodeo
Drive would raise a hullabaloo, never mind the street name. And the thought of
what a cop would do to us if the horse unloaded a road apple and we didn't clean
it up..." Strife smacked me on the back of the head. "Thank you. If we have
to do any sort of traveling at all it will have to be by car, which means I will
have to do the driving, since none of you lot are even marginally qualified.
Plus the fact that the very idea of Strife behind a wheel or on public
transportation makes me shiver. I won't have a car over there, and Hertz is
notoriously bad at renting to people who have no funds or identification."
Ares said, "That won't be a problem. Just show me some good examples, and I can
glamour up something that will pass inspection."
"That'll work for the ID, I guess, but I'm very squirmy about the money bit.
They've gotten very sophisticated at detecting counterfeits. I think we'll just
bring along some gold and silver, and sell it off. We won't get what it's
worth, of course, but we shouldn't have any trouble getting enough to keep us
going."
"That's the physical aspects," said Ares, "but precisely what the hell are we
supposed to be accomplishing?"
"It sounds like some form of saving the world," said Joxer. Everyone looked at
him. "What?"
"Nothing," I said. "I think you're right. Heck, what else would we be doing?
So, we're a motley band assembled to go fight Evil and save the world. All we
need is a guy with a long beard and some short cuties, and we can call ourselves
the Fellowship of the Greeks." They stared. "No, I'm not explaining that. And
it's also pretty obvious that it has something to do with you and your brothers.
I can only think of one other notorious 'three'," I glanced at the Fates, "and
since they're not packing bags, it isn't them." I materialized a third Mai Tai.
Gabby frowned at me. "Should you be drinking that while we're trying to figure
out what's going on?"
"Sure. I plot better when I'm a little buzzed. The more looped I get, the
wilder the plots, and as crazy as things usually are around here, my mind needs
to wander in wild paths." I took a sip. "Now, the bit about the blood of three
living again in another three sounds pretty simple." I flicked a finger at the
triplets. "You fellas' bloodlines are going to last all the way to my time,
with at least three closely related descendents involved in this prophecy.
Okay, 'one dies, victim of the Evil freed'." I shook my head. "The clearly
mentioned death. They didn't waffle around with 'passes', or 'fades'--they flat
out said dies. Serious stuff, people."
"Damn straight," growled Jett. "No one kills my relatives, no matter how
distant."
Joxer started, "What about Uncle...?"
"That was different. I did it."
"You did?" Jett nodded. "Wow. I'll have to remember to tell Aunt Pernicia.
She said she wanted to bake cookies for whoever did it."
"Remind me to write a family history for you guys some day. It'll be a best
seller," I said. "I think y'all will also have one more descendant, since the
prophecy says 'one then joins', and 'darkness will be fought by four, or Evil
will reign evermore.'" I looked around. "Well, c'mon, people. I can't be the
only person here who had to interpret obscure poetry for a lit theme paper...
Wait--I can."
Everyone was a little shocked when Eris said, "If one dies and is replaced, they
have three, but they need four to work effectively. So we're gonna have to
either stop the death and still bring in the fourth, or wait for the fourth to
join, then resurrect the third. Do you have any more of that purple stuff?
It's a little weak, but not bad." I zapped her up another cup, half-again as
strong.
"Resurrect?" said Gabrielle snidely.
"I know YOU didn't just say that so sarcastically," I snapped. "And even if you
don't go by your own example, heck--just look at Iolaus. How many times has he
been to Hades and back? So bringing back from the dead is a bitch, but in some
cases, not impossible. There we have our mission. Rah, rah. I think I want to
cut my throat."
"Why are you griping so much, hon?" asked Dite. "I thought you'd be happy for a
chance to go home for a little while, and you've never dodged your
responsibilities."
"A, I'm not going home--I'm going to the West coast. It may be nice, but it
ain't Texas. And heck, I don't remind the responsibility. It's the fucking
VAGUENESS that puts my panties in a bunch."
Jett cocked his head. "Panties?"
"I explained them to you, remember?"
He grinned. "Oh, yeah--goodie wrappers."
I ignored the innuendo. If we were going to be questing together, I'd get
plenty of it in the future. "I just wish we were clearer on what's going to
happen. I HATE suspense. Why are you laughing, Strife?"
"I've read yer writin, Toots. Does tha word 'cliffhanger' mean anythin to ya?"
"Be good, and maybe I'll introduce you to aerosol spray paint in the future."
Strife grinned. "I dunno what it is, but I like tha sound of it."
Ares shuddered. "Why does that scare me?"
-----
There wasn't much to discuss after that. Well, there WAS, but there wasn't much
point in it. We were going, and the quicker gone, the quicker done and back.
That's the theory, anyway.
Babysitters were arranged. Notes for stuff that absolutely, positively HAD to
be taken care of within the next few days were written, delegating
responsibilities. Nasty things were said about Zeus and his decision to be too
busy to see us off. Right--like the old goat couldn't free up a few minutes
between being pompous and being horny. Huh? No, I'm not worried about
thunderbolts. I supply his porn, er--erotica.
We all flashed into the Halls of Time. It consisted of what looks like an
endless long room, lined on both sides with edge-to-edge full length mirrors.
Except when you look into these you don't see your own reflection--you see
another place and time. Each one is different, and if you concentrate hard
enough, you can change what you see in a particular mirror. Sounds better than
a multiplex, doesn't it?
Don't you believe it. Movies and history books are nothing but highlights.
Watching history spin out in real life time can be fucking boring. I once
watched Albert Einstein come up with the theory of relativity and didn't realize
it till a day later. I thought he was just a shabby dude doodling on a chalk
board.
The Fates led our little party down the hall and stopped in front of one mirror,
gesturing to it. I took a step forward, since I was the one most likely to know
what the hell we were looking at. "Oh, great--aerial view. This sucker has
less detail than some weather maps I've seen. Can't y'all move the focus in
closer?"
"Concentrate."
"Peachy." I stared at the mirror intently. It actually worked. The view
pulled in closer.
Joxer peered over my shoulder, then pointed. "What's that long orange thingy?
The one with all the lights over it. How did they get all the candles to stay
on the ropes, and not flicker?"
I squinted. "Well, I know where we're going now. That, Joxer, is the Golden
Gate Bridge."
Cupid looked closer. "I hate to say this, but it doesn't look golden to me, and
I see no sign of a gate."
"Yeah, well, you don't find a bowl of Satsumas at the Orange Bowl, either. Get
us closer. I damn sure don't want to emerge at this height. I may be a goddess
now, but falling several thousand, or even hundred feet smarts like the
dickens."
What? No, I'm not going to tell you how I know that. I don't have time right
now. Suffer. I concentrated again. Soon we were looking at a ground level
view. We must've zoomed right past the bridge, because from what I could see it
looked like a pretty regular suburban neighborhood. Okay, a little upscale.
Damn, those were some big ol' gingerbread houses. Hansel and Gretel should run
from that neighborhood like mad whelps.
"Friends," I said, "we're going to San Francisco, that city by the sea, the
place where Mel Torme left his heart. They can't burn it, and they can't shake
it down."
Gabrielle examined the cityscape. "It sounds... interesting."
"You have no idea. To quote a favorite comedian, San Francisco reminds me of a
bowl of granola--what ain't fruits and nuts is flakes. Oh, well. No point in
delaying things. I COULD sing plain old San Francisco, but that would be a
cliche, so..." I started singing at the top of my lungs--sometimes I do that
when I know I'm about to do something no sane person would consider. "All the
goooold... in Cal-i-forn-ya... is in a bank in the middle of Bev-erly Hills, in
some-body else's name..."
What can I say? I've always loved the Gatlin Brothers.
Title: Stranger Still, 3/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Xena
Pairing: Various, probably, through the story, but none right now.
Rating: NC17
Summary: The party suits up before leaving on the mission.
Archive: Yes, if you like, but tell me where, so I can visit it, or recommend it.
Feedback: poet77665@yahoo.com
Status: WIP
Sequel/Series: Sequel to Stranger in a Strange Land
Disclaimer: I did not create the media based characters here, I don't own them. I derive no profit from this effort. I mean nothing but respect for the
creators, owners, and the actors and actresses who portray them. Only Scribe and a few minor characters are completely mine.
Websites: http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles and http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver
Warnings: Probably graphic sex, of both the het and slash varieties.
Notes: Stranger in a Strange Land began as nothing more than a little personal fantasy. For some ungodly reason I posted the first section to a few
lists. The response was so encouraging that it became a chapter story, and I had so much fun with it, it should be illegal. Then some durn fool had
to go and suggest a sequel...
Warning: In this story you get large doses of both Strifespeak and Jaycejargon. It nearly gave my spellcheck a nervous breakdown. Deal with it.
The traveling group: Scribe, Jett, Jayce, Joxer, Ares, Strife, Cupid, Eris, Aprhodite, Xena, Gabrielle
Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos
Stranger Still, 3/?
A Sequel to Stranger In a Strange Land
By Scribe
Part Three
"San Francisco, open your Golden Gate!"
"Scribe..." said Cupid.
"I left my heeeart in San Francisco..."
"Babe..." said Jett.
"Welcome to the Hotel California..."
Ares was too irritated to go for subtle. "SCRIBE!"
That tone of voice would have made the most rabid karaoke-er drop her mike. "Yes?"
"You've been singing a medley about that place for five minutes. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Singing?" The sound of teeth gritting. "Stalling. Sorry. Look, for all the Dorothy and the ruby slippers I wanna go home I did when I first came here,
I'm not all that anxious to step through there. California isn't home in a BIG way. I mean, it can be weird even by my standards, and remember that
I've gotten to think of this place as more or less normal."
"There's no use trying to put this off," said Eris gruffly. "Get the strap between your teeth, bite down, and lead us into whatever the Tartarus this
is."
"Ah, the nervous leading the clueless," I said. "What a trek this will be. All right. Before we go, we'd better have a change of outfit. While there are
indeed areas in San Francisco and Los Angeles where we'd more or less blend in..." I eyed Ares, Eris, Jett, Xena, and Strife's leathers, "that
neighborhood we were shown doesn't look like one of them. We're more likely to have the Neighborhood Watch tooting whistles and calling cops. Will
you people trust me to dress you? I'll try to come up with something that won't look too out of place, but won't make you feel like total dorks."
"You keep talking about dorks," said Joxer. "What, exactly, is a dork?"
I looked at him. He blinked at me. Strife giggled. I pointed at him. "Say something and I'll put starch in your underwear."
He stuck his tongue out at me. "What undahwear?"
"First things first. Cupid, can you do something about the wings?"
"Um," he said, "Well, I can do a glamour on them. They'll still be there--people just won't be able to see them. Trouble is that when I do that I lose
my sense of distance about them, and I tend to end up knocking them into things."
"We should be able to cover that."
"Maybe, but it HURTS. Still, I see your point." He concentrated, and his wings shimmered, then faded from view. "Did I manage it?"
"Almost." I plucked the single feather that was hovering around his shoulder.
"OW! Hey!"
"Oops. Sorry. I thought that was a loose one. Okay. The trick will be to get you into a shirt that will still allow your wings space."
"Do we hafta?" said Strife. "Tha view is so nice."
"We do," I retorted. "There are places that won't let him in if he's bare-chested." I looked at Dite, who'd started to speak. "You, too, so don't even
ask."
"Poo."
"Dite, where we're going they lock people up who run around in public naked or semi-naked. Well, unless they're at a booby bar, but that isn't on our
itenerary."
"It is if you don't let me get some pretty soon," said Jett.
I swatted him, and hardly missed a beat speaking. "The locking up might be in a jail, or it might be in the local psych ward, but we don't have time to
deal with either of them. So," I shook a finger at her, "No pom-poms on parade. Back to Cupid. Mmm. Well, as much as I'd like to see him in a nice
suit, I guess we go for the headbanger look." I pointed at him. He was suddenly dressed in (from the ground up) cross-trainers, tight jeans that were
ripped at the knees, and a loose, raggedy T-shirt that had the arms ripped off to the point where half the sides had gone, too.
Cupid grimaced, then wiggled. There was a rustling sound, and his expression relaxed. "Yeah, this'll work. It'll pinch a little if I have to fly, though."
"We're going to try to avoid that. People have gotten very paranoid about unidentified flying objects. Okay, Strife. Actually, we can probably get
away with just modifying your outfit, as long as you're going to be hanging with Cupid most of the time." I pointed. *zap* (I love my green and silver
sparklies) "You're a Goth, and I didn't even have to give you the white make-up."
He'd materialized a mirror and was examining himself. "Oo. Why din't I evah think of eyeliner, kohl, an' maroon lipstick?"
"Dite--Rodeo Drive time." *zap* She looked down and squealed happily. "You're welcome." May fashion forgive me for inflicting pink Capri style jeans
on the world. Along with the transparent blouse over a Madonna style black bustier, though, I figured it wouldn't raise too many eyebrows (blood
pressure and temperatures in the male of the species, maybe). "And speaking of colorful..." I flicked a finger at Jayce. He was suddenly dressed in a
Sonny Crockett-Miami Vice style linen suit, with a butter yellow shirt under it--and shades.
Jayce squealed, too. "Scribe, hon, I had no hidea the people in chur time had such style!"
"You're running about twenty years behind the time, but that looks good on you, and it's probably still in style some places in California. The other
brothers..." I looked between Joxer and Jett. "Well, YOU'RE easy, Bad Boy." I zapped Jayce into biker duds: black T-shirt, denim vest (jacket with
the sleeves ripped off), tight jeans, and heavy engineer boots (with chains). I looked at him for a second as he admired the gear, then made his
T-shirt disappear. He grinned at me, wiggling his eyebrows. Hey, he said the scenery is mine--I like to look at it. "Joxer..." I thought. "Um. Well. I
guess JC Penney regular guy time." I zapped and he was in simple shirt and trousers. "Oh, hell. I have to do SOMETHING quirky for you." I pointed at
him again. "Let there be Izod!" *zap*
Joxer looked down at his chest, where the sparks had hit him. "Hey, an emblem! Do your people worship lizards?"
"Seemed like some of them did in the seventies and eighties. Eris..." I looked at her. "You know, I'm not sure. There are a lot of places you'd fit into
society. If we were going to Los Angeles, I'd just make you a Dominatrix."
"I like the sound of that," she said, nodding.
"But we don't want to attract TOO much attention. I'm tempted to dress you white trash--Daisy dukes and a tube top--but we won't have the time
to cover up for the lechers you'll kill when they try to get fresh. You know what? I think I'd better put you in with the same theme I've thought up
for Ares and Xena. Corporate violence is not only accepted, but approved, so..." *zap* They were all dressed in variations of sharp, expensive
'power' business suits.
Ares smoothed down his cuffs. "For some reason I feel like I could pillage in this."
"You have no idea." I rubbed my hands together. "That's it. Let's..."
"Hey," said Gabrielle. "What about me?"
"Oh, dear. Now how did I manage to forget YOU?"
"Could it possibly be because we all try to wipe her from our minds in order to avoid trauma?" drawled Ares.
"Actually, Blondie," I said, "if you were a little older I could just leave you as you are, and we could claim that you were a left over hippie. I guess I'd
better update you a little." *zap* She was dressed in a 1980s polyester pants suit, a K Mart special. Okay, it was mean, but I don't really like the
girl. At least I gave her tennis shoes, and didn't force her to wear high heels.
She looked down at herself, ignoring the stares the others were giving her. "I like it."
"You would."
"How about you, babe?" asked Jett.
"I don't need to change. The loose trousers and tunic will pass just about anywhere. They'll just think that either I have no fashion sense, or I'm so
cutting edge that I'm ahead of the curve. However, I'm NOT wearing sandals. I've gotten used to Olympus--no broken glass, thistles, or sharp
stones, and Greagus craps out of the way, unless Strife inspires him."
Strife giggled. "What about yer cats?"
"They only crap in specific places, and since I have better sense than to go walking in flower beds, I'm safe. Okay, we have no idea how long this is
going to take us, so we'd better bring some funds."
"I can just spark us up a few dinars when we need 'em," said Strife.
"Sweetie, they DO have financial institutions that will change currency, but if you showed up with some of OUR dinars they'd hall you in for either
counterfeiting or suspicion of theft of antiquities."
"I can cast a glamour," said Ares.
"If I thought we were going to be dealing with nothing but crooks and assholes I'd say have at it," I said. "But we're most likely going to be
purchasing goods and services from ordinary, decent folks, and I'd rather not have them later on discover themselves with a cash drawer full of
pebbles or leaves."
"I usually prefer tiny cow patties," said Ares.
"Yeah, but they deal in coins and bills, and you have to have something of roughly the right size and composition. Since it was hard to find anyone
willing to take a check without two forms of identification, which none of us have, it's going to have to be this." I whipped something out of a
pocket.
Everyone stared at it. Finally Jett said, "I'll ask. How is that shiny little card going to help us?"
"This, my dear, is a Mastercard, Platinum edition. Cash card. I can get anything, probably up to a car. I took this out last time I visited home. I have
an excellent credit rating." I smiled. "I consider that my most impressive divine feat. Boy, did I have to do some fancy hexing to wipe out my previous
history. Anyway, I've been sending dinars back to my Mom on a steady basis so she could build up my account, and pay the monthly fees. I also had
her and my brother buy a few items here and there, so that they wouldn't ring alarms if it suddenly got active. As long as we have that, and this..."
I held up another card.
Jett peered at it. "Cool. When didya have the miniature portrait painted? I want one for my money pouch."
I made a kiss at him. "We'll hit one of those four-for-a-dollar booths when we get there. I always wanted to do silly, smoochie, and possibly
semi-raunchy pictures in one of those, but I never had a guy friend to do it with." He grinned. "Down, boy. If we do what you have in mind we'll be
arrested for public indecency. Anyway, it's not a portrait--it's a driver's license. I considered just getting a state ID card, but then I thought I might
need to drive some time in the future. Hey, I must be precognizant. Maybe the Fates want to make it a quartet."
All three of the women went, "Ummmm..."
"Psyche. Let's see--costuming taken care of, finances taken care of, I'd try to give y'all a crash course on social customs, but we don't have three
or four decades. Just remember..." I started ticking off on my fingers. "No public nudity or sex." There was a chorus of 'pooh, darn, and crap', from
Aphrodite, Cupid, and Strife. "Suffer. No violence except in self-defense or the defense of others." Ares, Eris, and Jett grumbled. "I'm serious. They
arrest people for that. Or shoot them. Sometimes both. Girls, if a man offends you, you may not kill or maim him." Xena and Eris scowled. Aphrodite
shrugged. It was pretty hard to offend her.
Xena said, "Come on."
"Oh, all right. Punching and knees to the crotch are allowed. No emasculating or ripping out of eyes or tongues."
"But how are they going to learn?" complained Eris.
"Sweetie, if their mama didn't learn 'em and they're stupid enough to try anything with you or Xena, they aren't GOING to learn. They'll be asking
Satan where the bitches are while they fan flames off their butts. Jayce?"
"Hyes?"
"Jayce, hon--San Francisco is pretty liberal, but if anyone tries to get too friendly too fast, be cautious. It could be either someone looking to bash
someone, or an undercover trolling for public acts of indecency."
"Thees isn't going to be eeny fun at all."
"It can't be helped. Tell ya what--if we don't have to trot back here right away we'll take a night out at one of the drag bars on a karaoke night.
Everyone can go in their regular clothes and we'll be the most popular people there." I looked at the Fates. "How close can you get us to our final
destination?"
"Oh, close, close," said Clothos.
"How close?"
"Very close?" said Atropos.
"How close?"
"Practically on top of it," said Lachese.
I looked at Joxer. "Generalities. Fear them." I looked at the woman. "I want feet and inches."
"Um... That would be hard to do," said Clothos. "We don't measure distances like you do."
"Maybe I can convert for you. Give me a rough idea."
"I understand you have this unit of length called a 'mile'. If you remember the number of feet... Why are you sitting down?"
"How many miles?"
"Just one... More or less."
"I think I hate you women. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO -WALK-, DAMMIT! Don't your realize that one of the chief selling points of being a goddess has
been being able to poof here and there? Hey!" I brightened. "When we get there we can poof over."
"Uh..." said Lachese, "No. Can't."
"Oh, yeah. We'd have to know where we were going."
"That's not it. In order to avoid creating anomalies and paradoxes, you're all going to have to limit the use of your powers to nothing but the most
dire necessity."
I stared at them. "And you don't think my having to walk over a mile is a dire emergency? Okay, okay. But I warn you, if we run into gang members I
may very well be lofting them over cars. That'll attract less official attention than it would if I let Ares, Eris, Xena, and Strife deal with them THEIR
way. You DO have some way for us to actually find these people, don't you?"
"I can help on that." Apollo handed me a round, smooth crystal that was about the size of a ping-pong ball. It was clear, but shot through with lines
of various colors.
I examined it. "That'd look lovely in a fish tank. What do I do with it, besides use it as a worry rock?"
"Just hold it and concentrate on your goal. The colored lines will coalesce..."
"I love it when you use big words."
"Really? Note to self: invent the thesaurus."
Joxer piped up. "But Scribe said all the sauruses were extinct."
Jett cracked his knuckles, glaring at Apollo. "I can think of something else that could be extinct, if he isn't careful."
"The lines will come together and point you in the direction you need to go," said Apollo hastily. "They'll glow green when you're heading in the right
direction, and red when you step off your path."
"Good gravy, I had no idea that teh 'green means go, red means stop, CUT THE GREEN WIRE!' thing started way back here."
"You make absolutely no sense."
"Don't blame me because you don't get the joke."
Ares put a heavy hand on my shoulder. "Scribe..."
"Right. Stalling over with now. It's time to get this party started. Who goes first?" They all looked at me. "No way. I once had to lead going through
a Halloween haunted house, and I backed into Frankenstein."
Gabby straightened her shoulders. (Lordy, I'd given her shoulder pads to rival an NFL quarterback--or Joan Collins in her Dynasty days). "I'll go!" She
started for the mirror.
"Oh, HELL no!" I grabbed her, dragging her back. "You think I want future San Francisco's first look at us to be you? If I was just more sure of where
we would land, and the time of day. If I drop some of you into a scary urban situation we'll be giving Joe Friday the facts, and if I drop others in I'll
be trying to explain to the ER staff why I don't have a medical history. I ought to go first, but even if I AM a divinity now, there are certain
situations I don't want to walk into alone." *yip!*
The yip was from a pinch on my butt. I turned to swatt Jett, then paused. He smiled at me. "On the other hand, appearing with a big, scary,
PROTECTIVE boyfriend might be just the ticket. Make like a prom date, Jett." He knew what I meant (and that's enough to give anyone pause). He
stepped up beside me, crooking his elbow, and offered me his arm. I slipped my hand into the crook as neatly as any debutant getting ready to be
officially launched. Oh, gag. The very thought...
Anyway, I glanced back at the Fates and said, "If I don't arrive with my feet firmly on solid ground, and if that ground does not lack a white stripe
down the middle, I will return and do many painful and/or irritating things to you. And I won't be alone." I pointed at Strife. He waved. They turned
pale. "Just so we understand each other."
Jett and I walked through the mirror.
tbc