AresJoxerCupidStrife - Scribe

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Title: Unexpected, 1/1
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules, the Legendary Journeys
Pairing: Hercules/Iolaus
Summary: Prequel to Expecting
Archive: Mailing lists, mpreg, and WWOMB. Otherwise, ask.
Feedback: poet77665@catlover.com
MPreg Archive:
Rating: R
Parts: 1/?
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: I do not own the recognizable media characters presented in this story. I have no official agreement with the owners or creators of said characters. I make no profit from this work. It is strictly for entertainment purposes. The actions of the characters in this story are in no way meant to reflect on the personal lives of the actors who portrayed them.
Authors notes: In this universe, none of the gods were responsible for the tragedies in Hercules' life. Hera did not arrange the deaths of his family, Serena was not killed through divine treachery. In other words--shit just happened. Hercules feels a little resentful that there wasn't more divine intervention to prevent the sad events, but he doesn't really blame any of the Pantheon. No, I don't know how the deaths 'really' happened--that's a story I have no desire to write.
Series/Sequel: I THINK this is going to be part of a short series--eventually.
Warnings: Some mention of underage sex, but the time is kept vague, it isn't graphic, and it's non-exploitative, between peers.

Unexpected, 1/?
By Scribe

"Didn't some philosopher once say that climbing a hill was one of man's most pleasurable activities?"

Hercules and Iolaus were just reaching the crest of a steep hill, or as Iolaus had termed it when he first saw it, 'a damn miniature mountain'. "I can't say for sure, but it sounds like something a philosopher would say."

"Whoever said it is full of shit. Going for seconds or thirds at a banquet? That's pleasurable. Trying to decide between being given a back rub or a foot massage? That's not bad, either. Now, if we were to get into the subject of tavern maids..."

"I suppose if it was up to you we'd still be at that inn back in Komotini."

"Since when have I ever turned down the chance at a night spent in an actual bed instead of camping out on the cold, hard ground?"

"Iolaus--we were broke."

"Yeah, but Cassandra, the maid, was willing to let me share her room."

Hercules put his hands on his hips. "And I was supposed to do what? Sleep in the stable?"

Iolaus grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. "She had a big bed, and she was an adventurous sort of girl."

Hercules gave him a disbelieving look. "You can't seriously..." He saw his friend's grin, and sighed. "Why do you do that?"

"Because it makes you blush. I was joking--she didn't invite you to sleep with us." Hercules nodded, and started to turn away. "But the innkeeper's wife mentioned that he was going to be away for a few days, if you were lonely."

Hercules turned a little green. "She had to be at least sixty."

"She said you reminded her of her son."

"That's... disturbing."

"You're telling me? I saw her reading a scroll of Oedipus Rex. Maybe it IS a good thing that we left when we did. Why couldn't we have made camp at the foot of the hill instead of scaling it?"

"Because I didn't feel like trying to herd you up it first thing in the morning. You move about as quickly as one of Asgard's glaciers when you first get up. This way we have your bitching out of the way." Hercules glanced around, admiring the view. "Anyway, it's pretty here."

Iolaus nodded, spreading his arms to indicate the beautiful green scenery. "And it's ours!"

Hercules smiled at him. "I'm pretty sure the local ruler would take exception to that."

"I mean it belongs to Greece. However, past THAT mountain," Iolaus pointed to a nearby peak, "it belongs to Macedonia--I think."

"It might be better to be sure. The Macedonians are not notorious for their hospitality."

"I'm PRETTY sure. According to the folks in Komotini the border is four days walk from there. This is the third day, and the border is supposed to be just beyond a mountain, so I'd say it's a fair bet. May I just say again that I think trekking all the way out here is ridiculous? Why are we doing it?"

"That's a rhetorical question, right? We're doing it because Iphicles asked us to help in getting a more accurate idea of what the less traveled border areas are like, to help with future maps."

"I know that. Why couldn't he just ask the gods for a more accurate map? I mean, they look down on Greece, so they'd be the ones in a position to know."

"Are you kidding? You have to have some idea of the magnitude of what an Olympian would expect in return for a favor like that."

"Some of them would do it for free. I recall Strife once provided Xena with a map of an uncharted territory."

"Uh-huh. Think about it for a minute."

Iolaus recalled the incident in question. Xena had sworn that she was going to give Strife some unplanned body piercing if she got her hands on him. "Right. Say, did anyone ever figure out exactly what or where Disneyland is?"

Hercules shook his head. "I don't think Xena would have fallen for it if the map hadn't had that area labeled 'Space Mountain'. She thought it meant Mount Olympus."

"Okay, you made your point, but why are WE doing it? We're a lot of things, Herc, but we're NOT mapmakers. I find it hard to believe he'd have us traipsing up to the Northern-most tip of Greece when his kingdom had a whole lot of perfectly good cartographers available." Hercules started to say something. "And before you give me the excuse that all his royal mapmakers had already been sent to scout other obscure locations, I happen to know that he's rich enough to finance rent-a-mappers. Why us?" Hercules was silent, looking back toward the valley they'd just left. Iolaus' eyes narrowed. "You're not answering. Why aren't you answering, Herc? The only time you avoid responding is when you're hiding something."

"Don't be silly."

"You're BLUSHING! That tears it--there's something you're not telling me. Spill it. Spill it right not, or... or..." Iolaus' expression lit with holy glee as he came up with the perfect threat. "Or I'll sing Joxer's theme song till your ears bleed."

Hercules looked dismayed. "You WOULDN'T."

Iolaus started singing. "Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside. He never needs a place to hide..."

Hercules grabbed the back of Iolaus head, clapping his free hand over his friend's mouth. "Don't--do--that." Iolaus lifted his eyebrows. "If I let you go, do you promise not to sing that anymore?"

Iolaus rolled his eyes upward, as if considering, then nodded. Hercules lowered his hand. Iolaus drew a breath. "With Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her..."

*thwap* The hand was returned. The sound Iolaus made was muffled, but could easily be interpreted as 'ow'. "Iolaus, listen--you're my friend, and I don't want to hurt you. Do we understand each other?" *nod* "Good." He lowered his hand.

"Fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs..."

"You hate me this much?"

"Till your ears bleed, Herc. You might as well give up. You have too much of a conscience to cold-cock me."

"I could gag you."

"Same thing. I'd give you big, accusing eyes, and your guilt would make you almost as miserable as the song."

"The key word is 'almost'."

"Just give up. You know how persistent I can be."

Hercules sighed. "He sent us because..." his voice dropped to a mumble.

Iolaus wiggled a finger in his ear. "Excuse me?" Hercules mumbled a little louder. "You used more volume that time we were trying to hide from the Gorgon. Speak up, or I'll sing every verse, including the variation he uses when he visits bordellos."

"I said he sent us because I asked him to." Iolaus' mouth dropped open. Since no singing was coming out, Hercules dared to believe that this was a hopeful sign. "We were stagnating there at court--getting soft. We needed to get out on the road again."

Iolaus closed his mouth slowly. "Three free meals a day. A soft bed, either all to myself or filled from a delectable assortment of maidens, or courtiers. Hot baths. Yeah, I could see where that would grow stale real fast--NOT!" He turned his back, crossing his arms.

Hercules was silent for a moment, then said, "You're angry, aren't you?" The only response was a slight turn of Iolaus' head--NOT enough for him to look at Hercules. "Don't bother to try to deny it--I can tell."

"I'm not talking to you." There was a moment more of silence. Hercules was about to try to explain again when Iolaus said, "If I WAS talking to you, I'd ask whatever put such a harebrained idea into your head? Are you sure Strife didn't whisper in your ear? Getting soft... Ever heard of exercise, Herc? Ever heard of training? Ever heard that Iphicles has not only a palace guard but an entire ARMY that would have been available for any sparring or training you could dream up?" He turned back, eyes flashing. "Ever considered the fact that there's always the fucking royal garden if you HAVE to camp out?"

Hercules blinked. "I thought you weren't talking to me."

"I'm not. That's just what I'd say if I WAS talking to you." He turned away again.

Hercules sighed. He really couldn't blame Iolaus. Hercules knew how much his friend enjoyed the nicer things in life. He also knew that since Iolaus chose to follow Hercules he had scant opportunity to indulge in little comforts. Everything Iolaus had said was true. If Hercules was to admit it to himself, the danger of going soft had been minimal--and an excuse. The real reason he'd arranged for them to leave had been the second amenity Iolaus had mentioned--the plentiful supply of not just willing, but eager, bed warmers that swarmed through Iphicles' court.

Hercules and Iolaus had been best friends since childhood. Where Hercules had married and started a family, Iolaus had gleefully continued in what seemed to be a quest to get under every skirt and into every pair of breeches in Greece. It hadn't really bothered Hercules, though he felt obligated to admonish his friend occasionally about the joys of monogamy. Iolaus would just pat his shoulder, then take off after a tempting, twitching ass (male or female).

After his family died, it was Iolaus who had kept him sane, had made him want to go on living instead of following them to Hades' realm. They became even closer, and gradually Hercules had realized that the friendship had deepened into something that wasn't JUST friendship--at least on his side. It made him horribly confused. He loved Iolaus, but he didn't want to admit that he was IN love with him.

Like many Grecian men he'd had experiences with his own sex. It was more-or-less expected for youths to experiment before they settled down to being husbands and fathers. And most people thought nothing of an older man taking a youth under his guidance, providing support and advice as he entered manhood. A sexual exchange was seen as a normal part of such relationships. Of course anyone who touched a child was beyond the pale, and men of like age and social standing might occasionally sport together, but anything more than quick, simple relief was viewed with a bit of suspicion.

Hercules had followed the common sexual path in his life. He'd developed an interest in girls during his adolescence, but given Greek society, nice girls weren't readily available, and the loose women who might have been interested in 'initiating' a handsome boy frankly unnerved him.

Hercules might have been the most physically developed, but Iolaus had been the first of their class to experience the wonders of an erection, and he'd been so pleased and proud that he'd awakened Hercules to share the news. Hercules remembered it vividly. When Hercules had started to comment, Iolaus had held a finger to his lips and pointed. Dim moonlight slanted through the dorm window, illuminating their friends sleeping nearby. Hercules got the message--quiet, we don't want a crowd.

It wasn't the first erection Hercules had seen. After all, he was living in an all male environment, populated mostly by hormone laden teenagers. It was a rarity if a day went by when SOMEONE didn't sport a spontaneous boner in the bathing chamber. But he'd never seen one on anyone his own age, someone he knew as well as Iolaus. Of course he'd seen Iolaus naked before--same reason why he knew about erections--but there was something... different that time.

Iolaus expression had been proud and impish as he whispered, "Watch!" He pressed one finger to the stiff shaft, pressing down, then let go. It sprang back up, and both of the boys quickly slapped hands over their mouths to stifle laughter. There'd been a stir at the far end of the room, and they had quickly lain back down, flipping the covers up to their necks as they turned their backs to each other. Iolaus faked a soft snore, and the movement on the other side subsided.

Hercules had been about to drift off to sleep again when there'd been more movement--but this time right beside him. It was subtle, a slight, rhythmic shifting of Iolaus' arm and shoulder. Hercules stayed carefully still as his friend's breathing sped up, then he gasped. After a moment Iolaus whispered, "Herc?"

"What?"

"Something happened, but, uh, nothing happened. Shouldn't there have been something wet?"

"I think that happens later. The first few times are sort of practice runs."

"Well, that's good to know." He was quiet a moment. Just before Hercules was ready to drop off to sleep he heard his friend murmur, "Guess I'll just have to keep on practicing."

Hercules had always been conscientious about his physical training, but he became almost fanatic about it. One of his teachers remarked that it was as if he were trying to exhaust himself.

A few months later found a similar scene, but this time both boys were staring down into their own laps--Iolaus with glee, Hercules with awe. Iolaus had begun to stroke himself, whispering, "Well? You aren't going to let your first one go to waste, are you?" Hercules found out what Iolaus had meant about something happening, but not happening. There had been a burst of pleasure, but no emission--on his part. Iolaus, though, face pink with intense effort, produced a small squirt of milky fluid. It surprised both boys so much that one of them, they were never really sure which one, squawked. A sleepy voice from the dark called, "Zeus, you'd think you guys never had a wet dream! Shove someone over on the wet spot and let the rest of us get some sleep."

It had become a nightly habit after that--almost as regular as brushing their teeth before they went to bed. When Hercules had produced fluid, Iolaus had gone the next day and bought him the biggest custard tart he could find to celebrate. Hercules knew his friend was really happy for him when Iolaus ate less than half of the treat himself.

After that it had seemed perfectly natural when they'd experimented to find out if it felt as good if someone ELSE touched you as it did when you touched yourself. Both decided that it felt even better.

It had gone on for a year or so--then the Academy laundress had started bringing her daughter with her--a girl only a couple of years older than Hercules and Iolaus, and very buxom for her age. Hercules had known that things were going to change when Iolaus began to be very particular about how his clothes were kept. It wasn't long before Iolaus was creeping out the dorm window at night, and returning an hour or two later, disheveled, grinning, and smelling of soap.

Hercules didn't ask, and Iolaus didn't tell. When Hercules heard some of the other boys snickering about the young laundress he knocked a few heads together. That stopped that, but the girl quit her job in a huff, saying that she didn't NEED anyone to defend her honor. Hercules had hesitantly asked Iolaus if he was upset. He didn't specify about WHAT--the fact that the girl had left, or the fact that she'd obviously been free with her charms. Iolaus had shrugged. "It's not like we were betrothed. I liked her, Herc, but I didn't LOVE her. I knew she was with other guys." He wiggled his eyebrows significantly. "Who am I to point fingers? She isn't the only person I've ever been with, either."

Hercules had been quiet for longer than usual. Iolaus forgot his resolve and shot a quick glance back at his friend. He hesitated. *What put that look on his face? He looks like he's remembering something wonderful, but he's in pain at the same time.* He started to feel guilty. *I'm being too hard on the big doofus. He meant well. He ALWAYS means well--he just doesn't always stop to consider that what he thinks is good or right might not be exactly what someone else wants or needs.*

He turned around. "Okay, I'm talking to you again." The smile that broke over his friend's face gave him a twinge around his heart. He'd realized a long time ago that he had the power to hurt his friend, but sometimes he was careless, and sometimes, he had to admit, he was a little vindictive--but Herc always forgave him. It worried him, though. He was afraid that someday he might go to far, and lose his friend. He couldn't stand the thought of that, so he decided he'd better make an effort now. "Ya know, I'm GLAD you goaded my butt up here. Smooth ground, nice thick grass." He pointed toward a small, nearby grove. "Plenty of firewood."

Hercules nodded happily. "And I think that grove means that there's a pond or spring. I bet I can get us some fresh fish for supper. I know you're getting tired of the dried kind."

Iolaus wrinkled his nose. "Oh, they're all right--for avoiding starvation."

Hercules wiped his brow and examined his fingers, seeing a glisten of sweat. "I think I'll take a dip before I start fishing. I'm feeling a little ripe."

"Who wants something unripe?" said Iolaus cheerfully. "Even I won't eat green persimmons or bananas."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do, but you need to hold off on the swim."

"Why?" Hercules gestured at the blazing sun overhead. "It's perfect swimming weather."

Iolaus had picked up his pack and was rummaging in it. "That's as may be, but I want to study something first."

Hercules was already stripping off his shirt as he started for the grove. "You go ahead. You can join me when you're done."

Iolaus glanced up. Hercules was almost to the trees. "Remember why we're here!"
Hercules had paused on the fringe of the grove, and was unlacing his breeches. Iolaus felt his mouth dry slightly. The thought of Hercules swimming naked was very appealing, but there was something nagging at his memory. As Hercules began to step into the grove Iolaus' fingers closed around a map, and he called out, "Wait till I check the map, Herc. There's supposed to be an enchanted spring around here."



Title: Unexpected, 2/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules, the Legendary Journeys
Pairing: Hercules/Iolaus
Summary: Why it isn't a good idea to go swimming in unfamiliar
places.
Archive: Mailing lists, Mpreg, WWOMB. Otherwise, ask.
Feedback: poet77665@catlover.com
MPreg Archive: http://www.blooddance.com/mpreg/
Rating: NC17
Parts: 2/?
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: I do not own the recognizable media characters presented
in this story. I have no official agreement with the owners or
creators of said characters. I make no profit from this work. It is
strictly for entertainment purposes. The actions of the characters
in this story are in no way meant to reflect on the personal lives of
the actors who portrayed them. Certain original characters (Impetua,
Accord, Whim) are original and copyrighted.
Authors notes: Yes, I've invented another god--Whim, God of Sudden
Impulses. :)
Series/Sequel: Prequel to Expecting
Warnings:

Unexpected, 2/?
By Scribe

Hercules had made his way through the trees and reached the center of
the grove. He pushed down his breeches, critically eyeing the body
of water before him. *Enchanted, hm? Maybe I ought to wait till
Iolaus checks that map.*

He completely ignored the boy who was sitting on a the big rock that
jutted out into the water. He looked to be about fourteen or fifteen-
-old enough for the voice to begin to drop, but not quite up to
shaving yet. He was very short and thin, but he still didn't appear
frail. Instead exuded an air of lean, nervous energy. In fact,
anyone seeing him would have been surprised at how still he was
sitting. He looked like he should be at least fidgeting, if not
bouncing off any available walls. He had gingery red hair that
almost seemed to explode off his head, like dandelion fluff. Mint-
green eyes were studying the newly arrived hero with acute
interest. "What're ya thinking about, mister?"

Hercules didn't even glance at him. Hercules' voice was
musing, "Enchanted spring, huh? Maybe I'd better wait till Iolaus
checks that map."

A grin spread over the youngster's features. "Don't look like a
spring to me."

"I don't even think that's a spring," Hercules muttered. "It looks
more like a pond. Still..." he trailed off.

"Even if it IS a spring, dont'cha think there's more than ONE in this
neck of the woods?"

"Besides, there must be LOTS of springs around here. What are the
odds that this is the one he's thinking about?"

"Yeah, and the old geezer who made up the map in the first place was
whacko, right?"

Hercules didn't speak this time--but he thought. As for the question
of the enchanted spring--he rather doubted it. Iphicles had informed
him that the map of the area they were to visit was particularly
unreliable. "The map is nearly thirty years out of date, and the man
who drew it up was... fanciful, to say the least," Iphicles had
admitted. "In fact, he spent the last few years of his life
cultivating seaweed."

Hercules had shrugged. "That's a little eccentric, sure, but not
necessarily crazy."

"He was doing it in his bathing tub. And about a hundred wash
basins. And an assortment of damp sponges. Even that wouldn't have
been so bad, but when he began to try to organize sea horse races in
the Royal Garden's bird bath, complete with a betting system..."

The boy seemed to have been following Hercules' train of
thought. "Right! And he would have used sea monkeys for jockeys.
LOOK at it!" Hercules studied the water again. It was tiny, but
pristine. The water was gently green, and looked incredibly cool and
inviting. "Ain't that the most inviting thing you've ever seen?
Wouldn't you rather dive into that than kiss a beautiful woman?"
There was an almost infinitesimal nod. "Almost gotcha!" The boy
tapped his chin. "What would be the clincher? Gimme an idea,
mister."

"I suppose I could live with my own smell for another couple of
days..."

The boy sat up straighter, eyes gleaming. "But what about ya friend--
whatsisname? Iolaus? He don't like BO, does he? Smell ya pits."

Hercules lifted his arm, leaning down for a sniff. A spasm of dismay
crossed his face. He headed right toward the rock where the boy was
seated. The boy had to leap out of the way to avoid being trampled
as Hercules dashed to the end of the rock and dived off. He wasn't a
trained diver, but he usually managed to cut the water pretty cleanly
when he tried. This time he did a belly flop.

The boy squealed, dancing back to avoid the fine spray that showered
out. He danced around in a circle, as if suddenly
energized. "Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha!" he crowed. "Oh, MAN, what a
buzz!" He giggled as he watched the man swimming. "Now, aint'cha
glad you gave in?"

Iolaus had reached the pond, map clutched in hand. He ignored the
boy, too. "Look, there's no mistaking it--this is the spring. The
mapmaker even indicated the grove, and..." He looked up. "You
didn't!"

Hercules stopped to tread water, and shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry,
Iolaus, but for some reason I just couldn't resist. Besides, nothing
is happening."

Disgusted, Iolaus threw the map down. "This is a Tartarus of a time
to lose your good judgment! You just don't mess around when it comes
to magic, Herk."

The boy, who had been eyeing Iolaus speculatively, paled suddenly.
He looked at the swimmer. "Herk?" He looked back at the irritated
blond man. "Iolaus? Iolaus--HERCULES? Oh, FUCK!"

Whim, God of Sudden Impulses, decided it was high time he started
searching for hiding places, and disappeared in a shower of orange
sparks.




Title: Unexpected, 3/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules, the Legendary Journeys
Pairing: Hercules/Iolaus
Summary: The deed is done.
Archive: Mailing lists, Mpreg, WWOMB. Otherwise, ask.
Feedback: poet77665@catlover.com
MPreg Archive:
Rating: NC17
Parts: 3/?
Status: WIP
Disclaimer: I do not own the recognizable media characters presented
in this story. I have no official agreement with the owners or
creators of said characters. I make no profit from this work. It is
strictly for entertainment purposes. The actions of the characters
in this story are in no way meant to reflect on the personal lives of
the actors who portrayed them. Certain original characters (Whim,
Impetua, Accord) are original and copyrighted.
Authors notes: About Whim--he is the son of Aether--Elemental God of
the Bright Upper Air, and Ate--female personification of error,
delusion, ruin, and blind folly. :) Aether's bright nature softened
Ate's negative influence, so that Whim doesn't ALWAYS cause disaster
and mischief. Let's face it--following your whims can sometimes be
very pleasant, and even positive. I don't know how it is in actual
mythology, how it is in Xena/Herk canon, and how it is in fanon, but
in THIS universe, I'm having a House of Earth and Sky. This will
include deities and entities pertaining to both, with Humanity being
included in the Earth part. Thus Hera and Zeus both belong to the
House of Earth and Sky because Zeus is the Sky God (duh, big cheese),
and Hera is Goddess of Marriage and Childbirth, mostly pertaining to
mortals. *whew* I'm going to have to make this chapter longer than
the last one, so the notes aren't longer than the fiction.
Series/Sequel: Prequel to Expecting
Warnings:

Unexpected, 3/?
By Scribe

*Okay, I've got to stay angry. Never mind the fact that what I
really want is for him to turn over and float on his back so I can
get a really good look. After all, this isn't the first time I've
seen Herk naked... and wet. But BOY, he looks good wet and naked.
Naked is fine, but wet just adds another dimension, what with the
glistening and... FOCUS, Iolaus, FOCUS.* "Herk, has it occurred to
you that maybe the spell opens up a passage in the bottom of the
spring that let's fish from another place swim in? Like maybe those
teeny ones with big teeth and bigger appetites that the Nubian
traveler told us about?"

Hercules paled, hands disappearing under the water. Iolaus knew
where they were going. A woman swimming in unfamiliar water might be
nervous about fish nibbling her toes--men instinctively protected
OTHER parts of their bodies. "Is... is the map marked like that?"

Iolaus relented. "No, it doesn't say what kind of spell, and I'm
pretty sure it isn't carnivorous fish. I think those have to have
water that's almost bath temperature to survive."

"Well, our baths..."

"...aren't very warm most of the time. You know what I mean."

"Come to think of it, I DID sort of feel a tingle when I hit the
water. I figured it was just my body adjusting to the sudden
coolness."

"No, that would be your nipples getting hard and your balls trying to
crawl up your butt. Tingling is not a good sign. I want you out of
there, right now." Hercules swam toward shore. Iolaus came farther
down the bank, as if to urge his friend on. "C'mon."

On Olympus, Whim had secreted himself in the closet of the tiny room
assigned to him in the Temple of War. He'd flashed in a small
scrying mirror, and was keeping an eye on the situation. When he saw
Iolaus approaching the water, he started to sweat lightly. He
noticed that the bank was a little slippery, and he started to
twitch. He muttered, "Nonononono. Ain't gonna do it. My ass is in
a deep enough crack as it is." He noticed that Hercules was having a
tiny bit of difficulty wading out, since the slope in the spring was
steep. Hercules staggered a bit, almost slipping, and Iolaus leaned
over a little, reaching out a helping hand.

True to his nature and his godhood, Whim couldn't pass up the
impulse. There was a brief flash of orange as he materialized behind
Iolaus. Still invisible, he cupped his hands around his mouth and
shouted to Hercules. "DUCK!"

Both of the men reacted, but in different manners. Hercules had
gripped Iolaus' hand, ready to use the hold to steady himself as he
climbed out of the water. Iolaus gave in to a sudden urge to duck,
squatting swiftly. Since that put him a little off balance, it made
Hercules' response even easier. He just jerked--hard. Iolaus found
himself pulled off his feet, and he landed on Hercules. Hercules
immediately released Iolaus' hand, grabbed a double handful of blond
hair--and ducked him. Whim, mission accomplished, flashed out again,
wondering if there was any way he could sneak into Asphodel, since
that was probably the last place anyone would look for him, and the
most likely place he'd end up when everyone figured out he was
responsible for this.

Iolaus came up spluttering. "I... wha... you... HERK!" He paused,
going very still. "You're right, there IS a distinct all over
tingle. That said, I'm getting the fuck out of here." They both
scrambled up onto dry land. As they stood there dripping, Iolaus
studied Hercules. "Would you mind telling me what the Tartarus has
gotten into you? It was irresponsible enough to go jumping in after
I warned you, but to drag ME in..."

"Okay, okay--I'm sorry about that. I don't know why I did it. It
just seemed like a good idea at the time. Can you explain why you
acted like there was someone behind you taking a swing at your head
with a mace?"

Iolaus opened his mouth to reply, then closed it. He
shrugged. "Same thing. It just seemed logical." He wrung water out
of his vest. "Well, nothing has happened. Maybe you're right--maybe
the map is wrong, and..."

Hercules suddenly drew in a great, whooping breath. The tingling was
suddenly back, but this time it was a lot stronger, a lot warmer, and
it was centered in his crotch. He could feel the heated blood
pumping through his veins, and it all seemed to be headed for his
cock.

"Herk?" Iolaus said, concerned. That gasp had sounded a little
worrying. He looked at Hercules, dreading what he might find. He
half expected Hercules to have sprouted fur, a tail, more legs, maybe
a second head--or breasts. No, he'd sprouted something, but it was
completely male, and entirely natural. Of course, Nature had been
quite generous with Hercules to start with, so the erection jutting
from his groin was pretty impressive. "Uh... Okay, maybe that's the
spell on the spring. A spell of horniness."

Hercules was staring at him. "Did you know that you have gold flecks
in your eyes?"

Iolaus blinked. "Possibly horniness and distraction."

"No, really." Hercules reached out, one finger settling lightly just
at the corner of Iolaus' eye. "Like little gilt flakes. Why haven't
I noticed that before?"

Iolaus shivered. The simple touch was sending a surge of warmth
through him. "I'd say we both needed a cold bath right now, but with
what the one we just had seems to be doing..."

"But the flecks are a darker gold than your hair." Now Hercules had
run his hand back into Iolaus' damp curls. "Your hair is more
sunshiny."

Iolaus blinked. "Herk? Take a minute here. You're not thinking
clearly. You just used the term 'sunshiny'."

"I never much thought about your nickname--the Golden Hunter--but
it's very appropriate. The eyes, the hair..." Hercules' hand slid
down Iolaus' throat, coming to rest flat on his chest. "The tan. I
can't remember--do you have a tan line?"

Hercules' hand slid a little father, grazing a nipple. It had been
beginning to firm already--now it stiffened into a pebbled
nub. "Hoo." Iolaus glanced down and saw that the front of his own
breeches was emphatically tented. He looked back up at his friend.
Sure, they'd had sex together before--just stroking each other to
completion, but that damn sure counted as sex. *But Herk has never
initiated it, and he's never indicated he wanted to go any farther
than that. I've been wanting to fuck him for years, but... I don't
know. Just about anyone else, I wouldn't be shy about asking, but
he's different. He's my friend, and I wouldn't want to suggest
anything that might put him off. No matter how much I desire him, I
don't want any more than what we have if it means he'll be
uncomfortable. Our friendship is too important to risk it for sex.
I mean, I know it would be more than sex for me, and I THINK it would
for him, but I don't think he really knows what he wants. I should
walk away, right now. We're both obviously under some sort of
influence, and if anything happens...* Hercules pinched gently.
*It'll be one of the best screws of my life.* Hercules' hand slid
lower, down Iolaus' belly, and dipped under his waistband. *And he
sure as fuck is ACTING like he knows what he wants.* Iolaus found
that his voice was a little choked. "What are you doing?"

"Checking for tan lines." Hercules tugged, and Iolaus breeches slid
lower on his hips. "Nothing so far."

"Herk, as much as I'm enjoying this, I think I ought to tell you that
I believe that the water has something to do with it."

"Then we'll have to make sure that the spring is well marked on the
map, so we can find our way back when we want to." Hercules tugged,
and Iolaus breeches dropped around his knees. "Huh, no tan line at
all! How have you managed that without my knowing?"

"Those naps I occasionally take on inn and stable roofs. I'm not
hiding just so no one will wake me up."

Hercules reached down and drew a fingertip up the underside of
Iolaus' straining erection. "Don't you have to worry about splinters
in your ass?"

Iolaus was feeling a bit surreal; having such a casual conversation
while his best friend was doing something so deliciously dirty to
him. "Maybe straw. Most of the roofs are thatched, so..."

"Do you suppose grass would tickle as much as straw?"

"Huh?"

Hercules grabbed Iolaus' shoulders and pushed, following him down,
and ended up lying on top of the smaller man. "Does it tickle?"

"I dunno. I'll have to move my ass before I can tell." Iolaus
humped upward.

Their erections slid together, and both hissed. Hercules, hands now
planted on either side of his shoulders, gazed down into his
eyes. "Well?"

"Yeah, it tickles some, but friction can be a GOOD thing, don'tcha
think?"

"Definitely."

They squirmed together, painting warm, slick trails on each others
thighs and bellies with pre-come. Iolaus was immensely enjoying the
feel of Hercules pressing him down into the grass with his solid
weight. While the Golden Hunter was usually the aggressor, he had
absolutely no trouble with bottoming. Since he figured Hercules
WOULD have a problem with catching rather than tossing, Iolaus was
more than willing to let his friend take the lead the first time they
went beyond a friendly handjob.

Then Hercules sat up, bracing his knees on either side of Iolaus'
hips, reaching between them to stroke Iolaus' cock. He gripped it
firmly, then rose a little higher on his knees, shifting forward.

Iolaus' eyes flew wide open. *He CAN'T be getting ready to do what I
think he is!* Hercules started to sink down. Iolaus' hands shot
out, gripping Hercules around the waist firmly. "Waitwaitwait!
Herk, you don't know what you're doing."

Hercules' expression was still glazed with lust, but it also had that
stubborn cast that Iolaus was very familiar with. "I may not have
ever done it, Iolaus, but I'm not ignorant. I know the different
things men can do together, and I want this."

"No, you don't." Hercules eyebrows lowered, and Iolaus felt him
begin to push down. "Waitwaitwait! Let me rephrase that--you don't
want to do it like THIS. Herk, under the best of circumstances
losing your anal cherry can be uncomfortable--but from above,
unprepared, with no lubrication? Can you say 'ow'?"

Hercules paused, looking a little doubtful. "Pretty bad?"

"Let me put it this way--you'd probably mince more than Jayce for a
LONG time."

Hercules was still stroking him. "But I WANT this."

Iolaus could feel his good intentions slipping farther away with each
glide. "And you think I DON'T? Look, I know more about this than
you do. I won't promise you that the first time will shake like
Atlas dropped the Earth, but if you trust me, I think I can at least
keep you from regretting it every time you sit down for the next
week."

"If you're going to say I should wait..."

"Can you wait long enough for me to get something out of my pocket?
Sit back." When Hercules didn't move, Iolaus put his hands flat on
his friend's chest and pushed. "As much as I hate to tell you to let
go of my dick, you have to let me sit up so I can reach." Hercules
rocked back on his heels, releasing his hold, and Iolaus sat up. He
scrabbled, and managed to reach his breeches, which were still
tangled around his knees. He dug in his pocket and triumphantly came
up with a small vial. "Eureka, and other exclamations of joy!" He
opened the vial and poured a little clear oil into his palm. Re-
corking the vial, he began to carefully coat his fingers.

Hercules watched, shifting almost anxiously. "You carry that all the
time?"


Iolaus nodded. "Hey, you have to work at spontaneity." He glanced
at Herk, who looked puzzled. "I've had to empty my pockets before.
You've seen this."

"I didn't realize you used it for... uh..."

"Sheesh, Herk, what did you think? I was carrying it in case I got a
sudden urge to bake bread? Scoot off. I'm not going to let you try
this position till you have a little experience under your belt..."
he chuckled, "or under THE belt, as the case may be."

"What should I do?"

"Given our height difference, and the fact that I REALLY don't think
I'm going to have the patience for a lot of careful adjustment, I'd
say lay on your belly for the first time."

"Okay." Hercules stretched out quickly. "What are you waiting for?"

"Damn, give me a second. I'm admiring the view."

"Well, hurry up, would you? There isn't a hole under me, but there
will be soon, and it's pretty damn uncomfortable."

"Herk, you are going to be what is called a bossy bottom, and I'm not
the least bit surprised. Have you ever had anything other than a
wild hair up your ass?"

"Uh... no."

"Brace yourself, then. I'm going to be careful, but it's probably
still going to seem a little rude at first, buddy."

Hercules gripped handfuls of grass as he felt Iolaus spread his
buttocks. He shuddered as oil was wiped down his crack, then
massaged around his anus. He could feel himself beginning to tense
up, then he heard Iolaus' soothing voice, "Don't tighten up, Herk.
Just try to relax. It's all right. Any time you need me to stop,
just tell me, and I will." And he meant it, too. *I might end up
with my bottled up sperm turning my balls as blue as the Aegean right
before it blows the top of my head off, but I'll stop.*

As Iolaus watched, he could see the muscles in Hercules' back and
shoulders slowly loosen as he relaxed, and he could feel the springy
circle of muscle he was rubbing softening, beginning to spread
slightly. He was suddenly struck by how much Hercules must trust him
to be able to make himself this vulnerable. A strong determination
to make sure Hercules didn't regret this rose up.

He gripped Hercules' shoulder with one hand. "Herk? Don't tense,
and take a deep breath, okay?"

"Okay."

In the midst of mind-melting lust, the smallness of his friend's
reply got through to Iolaus. He was gentle to the point of
tenderness as he slid the first finger into Hercules' back passage.
The intrusion was so careful that there was scarcely any discomfort,
and Hercules relaxed even further as Iolaus began to slide his finger
in and out.

Hercules closed his eyes, concentrating on the sensations. He was
wondering why he'd never tried something like this before. *Well,
maybe not WITH someone, but I could have reached and tried it
myself.* He groaned happily as a second finger pressed into him,
then slid deep. Iolaus grazed a certain spot deep inside. There was
a hot burst of pleasure, and Hercules jerked hard, eyes flying open.
He also thrust against the ground--probably not the best move. "OW!"

"I'm sorry!" Iolaus yelped, freezing. His first instinct was to jerk
free of Hercules' body, but he realized that might have hurt even
worse.

"It wasn't anything you did," Hercules assured him, voice
strained. "I just have to remember that trying to actually fuck
solid ground isn't a good idea. What WAS that?"

"That would be your prostate. I met this nutty philosopher once--
Freuditas I think his name was, and he had this theory that women
were envious of men's, um, equipment, but I think he meant dicks. As
fond as I am of mine, I don't see it, but I can see where the gals
got shortchanged in not being given a prostate."

"Iolaus? Could you shut up a minute and do that again?"

Iolaus found himself smiling. "Bossy as Tartarus." He probed
again. This time Hercules' reaction was less violent. It consisted
of a squirm, and a purr. Iolaus liked that sound so much that he
spent a good, long time massaging the spongy bump, feeling Hercules
relax and warm even more. Finally he said, "Herk, are you really
sure about this? To mangle the speeches of some priests, speak now,
or prepare to get a piece."

"I've always known you could talk the hind-leg off an oxen, but you
pick the damnedest times."

"I mean it, Herk. If you don't say something quick, you're going to
get fucked into next week."

Hercules twisted his head and looked back over his shoulder. His
pupils were dilated with desire, making his eyes look almost back,
and his voice was rough. "Promises, promises."

There was a challenge in that tone that spurred Iolaus into
action. "And I can keep them." He crawled over Hercules, spreading
himself atop his friend's larger body. One of Iolaus' hands spread
Hercules' buttocks, and the other wrapped around his own cock,
guiding it.

Hercules buried his face in the cool grass as he felt himself
breached. First there was a hot nudge at his slightly aching hole,
and then more stretching. He closed his eyes, biting down on his
bottom lip as he was filled. It hurt, but it felt good, too, and it
the pleasure was FAR outweighing the discomfort. Besides, this was
Iolaus. If ANYONE could make this act pleasurable, surely it would
be him.

Iolaus wanted to crow as he was engulfed by the tight heat of
Hercules' body, but for once in his life, he restrained himself.
This was special, Herk was special--not some tavern pick-up to show
off for. He just hoped that Herk was as excited as he was, because
he didn't think he was going to be able to last long, and he wanted
it to be good for Herk, too.

Normally he'd have tried to tease things out, keeping his lover on
the edge for as long as possible, but mindful of how close he was to
the edge, he acted accordingly. Iolaus reached under Hercules,
wrapped a hand around the demi-god's hard cock, and started to fist
him in time to his strokes.

The burning ache had lessened to not much more than a memory very
quickly. The electric bursts of sensation every time Iolaus' cock
scraped over his prostate pretty much made it fade into the
background. Now Hercules couldn't decide whether to push back and
drive Iolaus in even deeper, or thrust forward into the tight grip
stroking his cock. He quickly decided that he didn't WANT to decide--
and did both.

It didn't last long. Very soon Hercules was ripping up handfuls of
grass as he reached his climax, sprinkling the cool, tickling grass
beneath him with his seed. The hard, squeezing ripple of his lover's
back passage did the trick for Iolaus, and he came seconds after
Hercules. Herk jerked again at the novel, but very erotic, sensation-
-a hot, liquid gush in what felt like the very core of his being.

They lay still for a moment, layered together, still connected by
Iolaus' softening member. After a moment Iolaus pulled out, moving
very carefully. There was still a wincing grunt from Hercules. The
adrenaline, and other hormones, had begun to drop, and certain aches
and pains were beginning to announce themselves.

Iolaus sat back, staring at Hercules, who still lay sprawled on his
face. "Herk? Are you...?"

"I'm fine."

There was a brief silence. "I mean, if you need..."

"I said I'm fine, Iolaus. I just don't feel like talking right
now." The haze he'd been in since he'd dived into the spring had
faded away suddenly, almost at the second he'd climaxed. *What have
I DONE? Zeus, I practically raped Iolaus. He must think I'm either
crazy, or a slut.*

Iolaus was rubbing his face. *Oh, man. Post-coital awkwardness to
the max. I should have remembered how strained it can get when
friends become lovers. Yeah, we had sex before, but this took it to
a WHOLE 'nother level, and we both know it.*

Iolaus dug in his breeches pocket and came up with a cloth. He
nudged Hercules till his friend looked at him, then offered
it. "It's clean." Hercules raised an eyebrow
questioningly. "For... uh..." He made a swiping motion. "Usually
after... I'd usually suggest a bath, but considering the last time
we got wet..."

Hercules took the cloth. "Thanks." He got up, getting his pants
from where he'd dropped them earlier. "I'm just going to go over
into the trees and..."

"Yeah, right." Avoiding looking at Hercules now, not wanting his
friend to feel any more embarrassed, Iolaus began to dress,
too. "Maybe we can pass on the fresh fish tonight. Dried fish isn't
too bad. I can stand one more night. Or maybe I could snare a
couple of rabbits for later. Nice grove like this, there are bound
to be some rabbit trails." *I'm babbling. I'm usually pretty smooth
with my bed partners. What have I gotten myself into?*

"Sounds good. You do that, and I'll go set up camp." Hercules, now
decently clad, started through the woods.

As they separated, both had very similar thoughts.

*I wonder if we're ever going to be able to talk about this?*




Title: Unexpected, 4/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
Pairing: Cupid/Strife
Rating: Series--NC17
Summary: Some Olympians realize SOMETHING happened, but not what, and
the post-sex awkwardness isn't ABOUT to go away.
Archive: Mailing Lists, WWOMB, AJCS
Feedback: poet77665@catlover.com
Status: WIP
Sequel/Series: Side story to Love and Mischief Series
Disclaimer: I did not create the characters here, I don't own them.
I derive no profit from this effort. I mean nothing but respect for
the creators, owners, and the actors and actresses who portray them.
Websites: and

Warnings:
Notes: This takes place about a year after the end of What a
Difference a Deity Makes, thus ages are--Impetua, about two (YIKES!),
Accord about three, Bliss about seven.

Unexpected, 4/?
By Scribe

About the Time Hercules and Iolaus Are at the Spring

Cupid and Strife had managed a rare afternoon to themselves. Since
the Gods of War and Peace were busy, Imp and Bliss were currently
driving Ares' and Joxer's priests crazy. Strife had slipped Bliss a
roughly plank-sized slab of chocolate before sending them off (he was
looking forward to a lot of mischief energy when the sugar-rush set
in). Accord, being the God of Mediation, was doing his level best
to keep the peace between his hyperactive relations and his daddies'
mortals, but even a god can't achieve much when he's only three years
old, and suffering from chocolate induced hyperactivity himself.

Cupid and Strife had enjoyed some 'afternoon delight', and had then
indulged in a nap. Now they were just lying, tangled together,
lazily talking about nothing in particular.

There wasn't any warning. Suddenly Cupid felt Strife stiffen. He
looked up quickly to see his husband's eyes suddenly widen. He'd
seen this before, and, not desiring to lose any skin or feathers
unless he had to, disengaged quickly, almost falling off the bed in
his haste to release Strife from his embrace. He was just barely in
time. Strife jumped up so quickly that he almost seemed to
levitated, and he hit the ground... skipping. And cackling with
wild glee. Cupid sat up and enjoyed the sight. After all, Strife
was still naked.

Cupid knew that there was some Mischief with a capital M going on
somewhere. Every God got a constant trickle of energy from their
worshippers--the simple fact of the mortals' belief gave a low grade
charge. It was always there, and since it was constant, most gods
weren't really aware of it, unless something disrupted it. For
instance, there were always people in love and having sex, so
Aphrodite's 'batteries' never really went low. People were always
falling in love, or developing crushes or infatuations, so Cupid had
a generous supply of power. And Strife...

Considering the fact that most animals, all children, and a good
portion of adults were natural mischief makers, Cupid was surprised
that Strife wasn't one of the more powerful gods. He figured that a
lot of the energy that could go to Strife was instead shunted off to,
say, Ares and Discord, or even himself and 'Dite. But the divinities
also received bursts of energy when something significant associated
with their godhood occurred. Strife was getting a lot better at
handling these unexpected bursts of massive mischief energy--he
didn't literally bounce off the walls any more. Cupid raised his
voice, calling, "This looks like a good one, babe."

Strife managed to stand still for a second, shaking his hands hard,
since it was impossible for him to actually avoid movement when he
was in this state. "Hot DAMN, Cupe! Yow! It's like suddenly gettin
ta JUST tha right level of drunk, seein yer mortal enemy do somethin
that will make him go down in history as tha biggest jackass evah,
eatin chocolate, bein tickled, havin a mind-blowin orgasm, and findin
out that Gabrielle is gonna have laryngitis fah tha rest of her life--
all at tha same time."

Cupid blinked. "Wow. I wish I could get that, too." Cupid's eyes
suddenly went wide, and his wings shot out to full spread, giving a
big flap. "WOW! And I MEAN that!"

Strife bounced up onto the bed. "Oo, someone's gettin some pretty
spectacularly, huh?"

Cupid was beginning to flush. "We're talking Love AND Lust. I'd bet
you a cart of dinars that Mom is about to jump Heph."

"Cupe? We're gods--dinars mean nothin ta us."

"You know what I mean." Cupid grabbed Strife and slammed him down on
his back, climbing on top of him.

Strife cackled. "I love it when this happens. Someone else gets
nooky--I get nooky." They'd had a couple of hours to recuperate from
their last bout of love-making, but even if they hadn't, it wouldn't
have been a problem. The sort of energy they were getting was more
effective than Viagra with a Spanish Fly chaser.

A little later they were in pretty much the same position as they'd
started--tangled together, but this time they were sweat slick, and
moving past relaxed into pooped. Strife yawned hugely, and Cupid
said, "Cover your mouth when you do that."

Strife grinned at him lazily. "Nah. You do it." He yawned again.
Cupid covered his mouth--with his own. After a minute of tongue
wrestling they broke apart again, and Strife sighed, "Sometimes even
mannahs can be fun. Ya know, I hope I can find out what caused that
burst of energy. If someone in particular is responsible, I'd kinda
like ta thank 'em. Mebbe make sure they don't get caught in any
tavern brawls or riots fah tha next year."

"Me, too. If it turns out that this is just an infatuation, I'll ask
Mom to see what she can do about making it more permanent." He
thought, then rubbed his chin on Strife's shoulder, getting a half-
hearted murmur about whisker burn. "But you know what, Strife? That
didn't exactly feel like a 'lust at first sight'. Well, not JUST
that, anyway. It had some real oomph behind it."

"Yah? How so?"

"Well, you know there's different levels of this--from puppy love up
to soul mates."

Strife nodded. "Right. From Meg's 'hello, sailor'" he cuddled
against Cupid, "ta you 'n me, Ares an' Joxer, Romeo an' Juliet..."

"Who?"

"Ya don't gotta worry about them fah quite a while."

"I need to try to find out who this involved, because there's the
possibility that the ones involved might mistake this for a quick,
passionate fling."

"What's wrong with that?"

Cupid smiled at Strife indulgently. "There's nothing wrong with
quick, passionate flings. But this..." He tapped Strife's
nose. "This has the potential to be so much more--something deep and
lasting. Wouldn't you wish that for anyone?"

"Sure." Strife giggled. "Cept maybe certain people--like Gabby, or
Herc..."

"Strife..."

"I know, I know. I don't really mean it. Aftah all, we all know
that Zeen an' Gabby are tha proverbial soul mates, an' it don't seem
ta have mellowed either of 'em. But, maybe gettin somethin good in
Herc's life would make 'im easier ta live with. He wasn't such a
pain in tha but tha two times he was married." Strife sighed and
snuggled closer to Cupid. "But knowin tha person in question, it's
not like him findin anothah lastin relationship is somethin we need
ta worry about."

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

*Wouldn't you know it. The one time I could use a little time to
think, the damn rabbits practically come and jump in my lap.*

Iolaus was disengaging a very plump rabbit from a snare. He'd known
when he found this little trail that it should be a good place to set
traps, but this was almost ridiculous. Three times he'd barely moved
out of sight of a set snare before hearing the thrashing and high
pitched squealing that told him another unwary rabbit was headed for
the roasting spit. As much as he wanted a little more time to think,
he couldn't justify going for any more game. One apiece and a spare
was reasonable--even generous. Since they didn't have any means of
preservation, any more would be a waste.

He snapped the rabbit's neck with a humane, quick twist,
saying, "Sorry, Fuzzy. Hey, if you can't look where you're going any
better than that, a fox or an owl would've gotten you soon, anyway.
I just wish I could promise you that we're going to appreciate you
more than we would. Herc really likes roasted rabbit. But I have a
feeling neither one of us is going to be much in the mood to relish
supper tonight. And I must be really bad off, because not only am I
talking to a rabbit--I'm talking to a DEAD rabbit."

He sighed, then decided he'd gain a little more time by dressing the
rabbits here instead of at camp. There was a convenient stump
nearby, so he took a seat, unsheathed his knife, and got to work.
Maybe by the time he finished Hercules would have gotten a little
more at ease with what had happened.

He snorted softly. *Yeah. And maybe his dad will win the Faithful
Husband of the Year Award.*

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Traveling light was a necessity on a trip like this, but for once
Hercules wished they were loaded down with equipment and supplies.
Then he could have occupied himself a bit longer in setting up camp.
It only took a couple of moments to dig a fire pit, and he couldn't
devote a lot of time to gathering fire wood, since there was a good
supply scattered around the chosen camp site.

He got ready to spread the bed rolls, then stopped, staring at the
two innocuous looking bundles of blankets. He realized that he and
Iolaus usually spread their bedding right next to each other, without
discussion. It had been like that for as long as he could remember,
and he'd never seen anything odd about it. Now...

*Do I put my bed next to his, or does he put his bed next to mine?
We must've done it a couple of thousand times, and for the life of
me, I can't remember now. We just always end up side-by-side, almost
touching most of the time.*

He closed his eyes in dismay. *Zeus, I hope I haven't been just
doing that, assuming it was all right, and he's just been too polite
to say anything. Maybe he's just been trying not to hurt my
feelings. Maybe he lays there all night thinking he feels like he's
going to be smothered by my closeness. Maybe I should stop thinking
about this before I give myself a complex.* He glanced down and
realized that he'd been wringing his hands. *Maybe it's too late for
that. Maybe I ought to go ahead and do something to distract myself.*

He carefully built a pile of fuel and started it going. He realized
that this activity was not going to work as a distraction, because he
found himself thinking about the way Iolaus' hair glinted in the fire
light, and the way his face would flush when he leaned in close to
warm himself.

*This is ridiculous. Okay--we had sex...* He was sitting beside the
fire, and now he shifted slightly, wincing when his ass ached. *Boy,
did we have sex. That spring was DAMN sure hexed somehow, because
I've never even considered doing anything like that before.*

Hercules poked at the fire with a stick, stubbornly trying to ignore
the little voice in the back of his mind that was whispering that
maybe he hadn't DONE something like that before, but he had damn sure
THOUGHT about it.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Hercules was eyeing the third rabbit. Iolaus said, "Go on, you have
it."

"Are you sure?" Hercules was already reaching for the spit.

"Yeah."

"Thanks. You haven't eaten much."

Iolaus knew his reputation for his appetite. Confrontations about
misappropriated food weren't rare. Iolaus didn't really STEAL, but
he was very good at rationalizing when his stomach was empty. He
shrugged. "I know. For some reason I'm just not that hungry."

"Really?" Hercules responded between tearing off mouthfuls of
succulent meat. "For some reason I'm starving."

"Exercise will do that to you." Hercules froze, and Iolaus suddenly
realized how that sounded. "All that walking we did today. Walk,
walk, walk--and up hill most of the way, too. Then there was the
swimming--that'll wear you out, and... uh..." He trailed off. "Boy,
that's a good sized pile of wood you gathered!"

"Yeah. You know, I don't guess I want the rest of this after all.
I'll just put it in the bag, and we can have it for breakfast."

"Good idea. I hope we come to another village soon. The last chunk
of bread is getting a little, er, obstinate."

Hercules, who had just put away the rabbit, reached down and tapped
his knuckle against the bread. There was a hollow rapping
sound. "Oh, I don't know... Boil it for a couple of hours, pound it
for awhile, get a good sharp axe to slice it..." He thumped it
again. "Or we could save it for the next time we need to crack
nuts."

Hercules closed the bag and picked up his bedroll, being careful to
keep his back to Iolaus so that his friend wouldn't see the
expression of conflicting emotions he knew he wouldn't be able to
suppress. "I think we... I'll just turn in now. We'll be able to
reach that next village on the map, if we start in good time and
don't dawdle."

"I do not dawdle," Iolaus protested as he watched Hercules spread his
blankets. "I stride, stroll, amble, and occasionally meander, but I
don't dawdle."

They'd been sitting on opposite sides of the fire, and Hercules was
spreading his roll right where he'd been sitting. Iolaus glanced at
his own bundle, which was sitting right beside him. He wanted to lie
beside Hercules, like usual. *Hell, I want to lay CLOSER than
usual. I want to crawl under that damn blanket with him. I want to
BE his blanket. But to lay next to him, like usual, I'll have to
pick up my roll and walk around the fire--make a deliberate move.
And if he's deliberately lying down over there--maybe he doesn't WANT
me to. Maybe he wants some space.*

Iolaus stifled a sigh. Some men never grasped the fact that you
couldn't force intimacy. Oh, you might be able to physically over
come someone's resistance, but that wasn't INTIMACY. People who had
that mindset were potential rapists, or at the very least exploiters,
as far as Iolaus was concerned--and he wasn't like that.

He knew that true closeness had to be mutual. He thought that he had
that with Hercules--after a fashion. But he thought that Hercules
either didn't realize it for what it was, or wasn't ready to admit it
to himself--or anyone else. So, for the time being, he decided that
it would be better not to push things. He spread his blankets on his
own side of the fire and settled down. "Good night, Herc."

"Good night."

Silence descended, broken only by the snap of the fire, and the
occasional stealthy sound of some night animal going about its
business. Hercules lay on his back, staring up at the sky. He tried
to trace the pictures in the stars, picking out the constellations
that represented the different gods and goddesses. He didn't expect
to go to sleep, but he did--eventually.

Right before he dropped off he thought, rather wistfully, "I guess he
didn't feel like walking the few extra steps over here."




Title: Unexpected, 5/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
Pairing: OMC/OFC
Summary: Iolaus and Hercules discover an unexpected village--and hear something
unexpected.
Archive: Mailing lists, WWOMB, AJCS Archive, Mpreg Archive, others ask.
Rating: Series, NC17, this section R
Parts: 5/?
Status: WIP
Series/Sequel: Par of the Love and Mischief Series
Website: http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles
Disclaimer: I do not own the recognizable media characters presented in this
story. I have no official agreement with the owners or creators of said
characters. I make no profit from this work. It is strictly for entertainment
purposes. The actions of the characters in this story are in no way meant to
reflect on the personal lives of the actors who portrayed them. Some characters
(such as Impetua and Accord) are original and copyrighted.
Authors notes: Efforos--fertile
Warnings:

Unexpected, 5/?
By Scribe

Chapter Five

They had the left over rabbit for breakfast, and Iolaus had located a patch of
wild strawberries. They discussed the idiocy of some self-proclaimed gourmets
who would leave game to ripen 'till most self-respecting dogs would go ahead and
bury it instead of eating it. They discussed the difference between the small,
sharply flavored berries and the plump, perfect, milder flavored ones produced
by the royal gardens. They did NOT discuss what happened the day before.

They gathered up their things. As Hercules finished tying up his bedroll he
said, "Look, if you want to, we can go on and head back. There's nothing more
between here and Macedonia but that mountain, after all."

Iolaus' first instinct was to eagerly agree. After all, he'd been bitching most
of the trip, missing the comforts of court. But he had a feeling that if they
stepped back into the bustle of court life it would be just too easy for both of
them to avoid talking about, or even thinking about the new level they had
reached. And though Iolaus would never be interested in a reluctant partner, he
didn't want to slip back to where they had been. "I dunno, Herc. I know a
single mountain isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but on the mortal
level, it's pretty damn big." They'd been camped just below the crest of the
hill, and as he spoke he was walking the rest of the way up. He reached the
crown, then blinked, and pointed. "In fact, I'm pretty sure they would agree
with me."

"They?" Hercules came up beside him and looked in the direction he indicated.
There was a shallow valley before them. It was a beautiful little place, lush
with greenery. Nestled in the center was a small village. They exchanged
looks, then Hercules reached for the map. They bent over it together. After a
moment Hercules said, "It isn't there."

"I beg to differ. I can smell the smoke."

"I mean on the..." Iolaus lifted an eyebrow. "Right." He stared back down at
the village. "So that's sort of our outpost on the Macedonian border."

"Good thing we're at peace with Macedonia. You don't suppose that they're
actually Macedonians who have sneaked over and established a foothold?"

"I don't think that even qualifies as a toehold."

"I think it still has a tavern, and I could really, really do with something
brewed--and I don't mean Chin tea. And I wouldn't mind a real bed, either. How
about you?" He glanced over at Hercules, and saw that he was blushing a dull
red. *Tartarus, am I going to put my foot in it every time I take a step?*
"Maybe it's just me, but this area seems to be particularly rocky. I think I
have pebble marks on my back."

"We'd better check it. It won't hurt to spend a couple of days scouting things
out. As far as they are from everything, they're probably starved for news."

They started down the slope to the village.

They received a few curious looks as they made their way into the village, but
not as much as they might have expected in a place this isolated. They paused
on the street, gazing around. Hercules said doubtfully, "We had a good view,
but I don't recall seeing anything resembling a market place."

A man pulling a handcart full of clay jars toward the outskirts of town paused.
"That's because we don't need one. Everyone knows what everyone else has to
barter or sell, and we just go to them as we need. It saves the trouble and
upkeep of a market."

"What about your visitors?"

The man shrugged. "We get merchants and travelers passing from Macedonia to
Greece, and vise-versa. No one ever stays long enough to need to buy produce.
They get what they want at the tavern."

"Where would that be?" asked Iolaus.

The man pointed. "Third building on the right. It's called the Amazon's
Lament. If the wench in charge gives you a hard time, just tell her that
Timous sent you." He started away.

They started toward the tavern, but Iolaus slapped Hercules on the shoulder.
"Duh! We forgot to ask him something even more important!" He called after the
man. "Hey!"

Timous stopped and turned, giving them a mildly annoyed look, "What? I have to
get this done quickly."

"I just wanted to know what you call this place."

"Home."

"Um, right. I meant the name of the village. It DOES have a name?"

"Of course it does. What sort of hole-in-the-wall place do you think we are?
Don't answer that. This..." he swept his arm, "is Efforos." He started off
again.

Hercules and Iolaus moved on. Iolaus said, "Fertile. This place must be
dedicated to Demeter."

"It fits, I guess," said Hercules. "Those vineyards we passed had grapes almost
as big as my thumb."

"I know. I noticed when you slapped my hand as I was reaching for some."

"I'm sure we can get some at the tavern. Remember what happened that time that
the royal cook caught you raiding the imperial melon patch." Iolaus rubbed his
head ruefully. "I've never seen such aim with a sling-shot. Luckily he was
loaded with pebbles and not stones, or you'd have been bugging Hades for another
few weeks."

Outside the tavern, they paused and peered up at the tavern's sign. Iolaus
squinted. "That is the first fat Amazon I've ever seen."

"The drawing is a little crude," said Hercules. "The artist probably had
problems with proportions. I hope he did it from imagination, because if he had
a model, she might well have gone after him for adding pounds."

They went inside. It was a pleasant enough place--nothing fancy. There was a
good bit of business for that time of the morning. It looked as if there might
be a merchant caravan getting ready to move out. They were being tended to by
three women, two still in their teens, and one older. Judging from the family
resemblance, they were mother and daughters. The elder, carrying a tray of
empty dishes, paused and frowned at them in a less-than-welcoming manner.
"You're too late for breakfast. I suppose I can give you bread and cheese, but
I'm not going near that fire again till supper time."

"We've had breakfast," said Hercules. "We just rooms." Iolaus sighed mentally
at the plural. Oh, they often had separate rooms, but that was usually because
one of them (usually Iolaus) had arranged some one-night companionship.

"In the middle of the day? What are you--vampires?"

Iolaus and Hercules exchanged looks, both thinking that business must be pretty
good if the woman thought she could afford to be so rude. "We don't want to
sleep right now. I just thought that we'd get rooms now, to be sure that they
aren't all taken."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Now, excuse me--I have demanding men to take care
of." She shoved past them.

"For some reason I get a sort of Amazon impression from her," said Hercules.

"I'll grant you a tiny bit of Amazonian attitude," said Iolaus, "but there must
be a spell on her, or something, if she's willing to wait on men without a knife
at her throat. Maybe she has an Amazon ancestor a couple of generations back.
That might explain the tavern's name."

One of the girls waiting table, a freckle-faced, cheerful girl, was glad to set
their packs back in the kitchen, where they'd be out of the way and unlikely to
be plundered by the other guests. Then Hercules and Iolaus set out to explore
the village and surrounding area.

The saw Timous coming back. He looked very tired, and there were streaks of
moisture on the sides of the jars in his cart. They watched him pass,
exchanging nods, and Iolaus said, "I wonder why he didn't draw water from that
last well we passed? He doesn't strike me as the kind who would put himself
through extra effort."

They spent the morning exploring. The town wasn't dedicated to Demeter, as they
had guessed. Athena was the patron goddess. Her temple was small and quiet,
but well kept. The village was small, but had everything it needed--blacksmith,
brewer, cooper, baker, apothecary, butcher, tailor...

A group of children ran past them, and Iolaus said, "Is it just me, or does this
place seem to have a fairly high proportion of children?"

"I think you're right," Hercules agreed. "Not a, say, freakish number, but more
than I would expect."

"They don't stay." The looked around to find a woman watching them from a
doorway, a plump toddler riding her hip. When she saw them watching her, she
shrugged. "When they get older, they run away with one of the caravans that
passes through. Can't say I blame 'em. There isn't much to hold 'em around
here."

"It seems like a very nice place," Hercules protested.

The woman seemed a little surprised. She looked up and down the street, then
around the immediate area. "Yeah, it's nice enough, I guess. Just not very
exciting." She snorted. "Not unless something happens, and that hasn't
happened for years now. Most men have better sense. Welcome to Efforos." She
went inside, shutting the door.

"The last time I heard anything that cryptic," said Iolaus, "it was from the
Fates. Could she have been any more vague? What did she mean by 'something'?"

"Who knows? In a place this quiet, I don't think it would take much to cause a
stir in the neighborhood. Maybe it's someone being caught cheating at dice in
the tavern, or someone slipping around on their spouse."

"This is a small town, Herc. Adultery would be noticed and commented on, but it
would hardly be considered 'something'."

They took notes as they wandered around. They hadn't drawn detailed maps of the
towns they'd been through, but given the possible strategic importance, they
decided that it might be wise. They were careful not to attract too much
attention while doing it, though. Being considered a spy was a good way to get
yourself killed.

They had further evidence that afternoon of the traffic that passed through
Efforos. Another group of merchants arrived, coming from the direction of
Macedonia. Hercules and Iolaus watched them in the tavern that night. They
were made just as welcome as the two heroes had been--they weren't fawned over,
but they received competent service from the bustling landlady and her
daughters.

Timous was there, off and on, but he never seemed to accomplish much. After
supper they heard his wife (who they had learned was named Sherrue--and don't
think Iolaus didn't remark on the name's closeness to 'shrew') roundly berating
the man. His reply was contrite. He apologized for leaving her to deal with
the business, but he declared, "You know we were getting low on water, m'love,
and I wanted you to have plenty for your bath tonight."

That seemed to surprise her. "You hauled enough water for me to have--a bath?"

"A full one, my sweet. I've set up the tub in the washroom, and the water is
heating even now."

The woman's eyes almost glazed over. "A HOT bath?" Then her eyes narrowed.
"What have you done?"

"Nothing!" His tone was one of hurt innocence.

She grunted. "Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything."

"Why don't you just go and settle the last guests, and I'll fill your tub?
Everyone will be to bed soon, and you can enjoy a nice, long soak." He went
back toward the kitchen, and Sherrue came over to the table shared by Hercules
and Iolaus. "Time to retire. I have something to do, and I won't have my girls
staying up alone with strange men."

"That's fine," said Hercules. "Just direct us to our rooms."

"Follow me." She led them through a door into a short hall. "I was going to
put you upstairs, but my eldest girl gave out all the rooms up there to that new
lot. Elladil has been using the old maid's room lately, but she can bunk in
with her sister for a night without a problem." She pushed open a door,
revealing a small room, most of which was taken up by a bed.

Iolaus saw Hercules stiffen, and knew what was coming. "Rooms," Hercules said.
"We wanted TWO rooms."

The woman frowned. "I thought you were traveling together."

"We are, but we want two rooms."

*Speak for yourself,* Iolaus thought.

"Well, this is all there is," she said bluntly. "So it's this, or nothing. I
swear, I never heard of two men being so picky. It's a good, clean bed--big
enough for two. If one of you kicks, then the other can stretch out on the
floor--if he can find enough room. Besides that, it's cheaper for two people in
one room than it is for two people in two rooms. Now, I'm too tired to argue
with you. Take it or leave it."

Hercules looked helplessly at Iolaus. Iolaus just crossed his arms and said
nothing. He wasn't going to wheedle. Hercules could always decide to go
looking for a stable to sleep in, if sharing a bed with Iolaus had become so
onerous. "No, this will do, thanks."

The woman snorted. "I should think so."

The next-door down opened, and Timous peeked out. "Sherrue, my dear--your bath
is ready. Hurry, before the water loses its heat."

She nodded at Hercules and Iolaus. "Excuse me. I don't know what's gotten into
him to actually be thoughtful, but I'd better enjoy it while I can." She went
next door.

Timous gave them what seemed almost to be a conspiratorial smile. "Don't be
hanging about in the hallway gentlemen. Sleep well."

They went into the room, shutting the door. It was crowded--constantly bumping
into each other crowded. It isn't easy to avoid looking someone in the face in
a setting like that, but Hercules was managing it. After a moment Iolaus said,
"Look, Herc, if you're really this uncomfortable with me, I can find somewhere
else to sleep." Hercules didn't reply, and Iolaus said, a little more
forcefully, "Look, I know that things can't be exactly the same as they were,
but is there any reason for them to be this awkward? We're both the same people
we were yesterday."

"Things have changed," Hercules said heavily.

"Yes," Iolaus agreed. "But it isn't necessarily a change for the worse. Herc,
ALL relationships--friendship, hate, or love--change over time. Maybe it was
just time for ours to change. There's no reason to... to spaz out." Hercules
gave him an indignant look. "Emotionally spaz out?" Iolaus laid a gentle hand
on Hercules' arm, and was glad when his friend didn't stiffen. "C'mon, admit
it--ignoring what happened isn't exactly mature. We're going to have to talk
about things, if we want to stay friends."

"Do you want to stay friends?" There was wistful pain in Hercules' voice, and a
vulnerability that Iolaus had seen only once or twice.

"Don't question that. Don't EVER question that I care for you, Herc," Iolaus
said, quietly and firmly. "Look, we don't have to talk this out right now.
We're both tired, and we've been through a lot. Let's sleep on it, all right?"
Before Hercules could say anything, Iolaus quickly said, "JUST sleep."

"Sounds good." Hercules started to take off his vest. "I didn't sleep well
last night." He was quiet for a moment as Iolaus began to take off his shirt,
too, then he said softly, "I think it might have been because you were sleeping
way over on the other side of the fire. I couldn't hear you breathing. I'm
used to listening to you breathe when I can't sleep."

Touched, Iolaus was about to reply, when they heard a female voice next door
call out, "Timous? Timous--come here." There was a giggle. "I neeeeed you."

The tone had been flirtatious, and the two men exchanged looks. The last
adjective they would have applied to their landlady was flirtatious. They heard
the door open, and the landlord's voice said, "Yes, dear? What do you--?"
There was a loud splash. "Sher! You're getting my clothes all wet!"

"Then take them off."

There was a great deal more sloshing and splashing, and not a few moans and
yelps. By now both of the travelers were blushing. Iolaus whispered, "Don't
worry--that's the laundry room, so it won't be going on all night. They'll want
to retire to their room pretty soon. I know from experience that doing it in a
bathtub can be fun, but it cramps the muscles pretty damn fast, if it isn't one
of those ritzy bathing pools."

The noises quickly reached a crescendo, then died away to contented murmurs.
Hercules and Iolaus were sure that the episode would be over soon, when Sherrue
said breathlessly. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I just HAD
to have a man." She giggled. "It's a good thing you came running, Timous.
There are two fine studs just next door, and I was close to knocking on their
door."

"Oh, no!" Timous sounded smug. "I wasn't about to let that happen. I wasn't
about to take the chance that the baby would be..."

"What baby?"

"Um..."

There was a sudden ominous edge to Sherrue's voice. "You know very well I'm
taking that potion, as regular as the sun rises and sets." Her voice rose a
little. "Wait a minute... You volunteered to get water, even before we needed
it. You did it without bitching. You took a long time doing it." Her voice
continued to rise, and they could hear her husband making weak, protesting
noises. "You almost insisted I take a bath, and you filled the tub yourself.
Timous--WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

"Now, dear..."

"YOU WENT TO THE FUCKING SPRING, DIDN'T YOU?"

There was a loud clang, and a pained yell, and Iolaus winced in sympathy, though
he was trying not to laugh. "Oo. He should have just bought her a present
instead."

There were crashes, curses, and babbling from next door. "Sherrue, darling, let
me..." *thump* "Ouch! Please, if you'll just let me explain..." *bam*
"PLEASE, honey! I know that once you calm down you'll be happy, and..."
*smash* "NOT THE BROKEN CROCKERY! WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO YOU TO NEUTER ME
-NOW-?"

"Crap. We'd better do something," sighed Hercules.

They stepped out into the hall just as the laundry room door opened and Timous
flew out, followed closely by a thrown stool. "Sherrue, stop that!" he panted
as he hid behind Hercules. "A woman in your condition, exerting herself like
that!"

"WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?" Hercules was grateful that Sherrue had put on a loose
robe--it was always a little disconcerting to confront an angry, naked woman.
He'd seen Xena fight naked once (long story), and the memory never failed to
make him feel slightly stunned. While Sherrue wasn't as physically impressive
as the Warrior Princess, her attitude at the moment wasn't that far from Xena's
battle attitude. She was hefting a jug in her hand. "Mister, you want to get
from between me and that low down, toad licking, snake kissing, mother loving,
dirty, rotten, lazy, sneaky, deceiving, no-account piece of scum sucking SHIT!"

"That's no way to talk to the father of your baby," Timous quavered.

"I'M GOING TO PRAY TO EVERY GODDESS THAT I CAN THINK OF THAT YOUR NUTS SHRIVEL
UP AND FALL OFF!" She looked at Iolaus, pointing angrily at Timous. "I married
him. I gave him four healthy children--beautiful little girls. He claims that
he loves them beyond reason. But is he satisfied? No! He wants a son."

"But sweetheart," whined Timous, "with the eldest two moved away, we need more
help with the business..."

"AND YOU THINK THAT SADDLING ME WITH ANOTHER BABY WILL MAKE THINGS EASIER?! You
only did this because you want a boy."

"A man wants someone to... to teach man things. To take fishing. To teach how
to fix things."

"YOU COULD TAKE MELAMIN FISHING, AND SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO FIX
ANYTHING AROUND HERE?"

"Lady," said Iolaus, "calm down. There's probably nothing to worry about. I
mean after all, you say you've been taking a conception preventative regularly,
and those things usually have to be stopped for awhile for fertility to return.
And besides, it was just one time..."

"You don't understand." Now her anger melted into weary resignation. "He got
the bath water from that damn spring."

Hercules said, "It was a little sneaky, yes, but you shouldn't be too hard on
him. All he wanted was, uh, a little fun."

"A little fun? Did you hear me right? I said he got the water from the spring.
Do you know what that spring does?"

Hercules was blushing again. "Yes."

Sherrue folded her arms. "What does it do?"

"Well, it, uh... it makes the bather... amorous."

"That's an understatement. But you forgot the second part of the curse."

"Second part?"

"Yes--the instant fertility part. Anyone who bathes in that water is struck
with an uncontrollable urge to mate, and everyone who can get pregnant--does."
*thud* *blinkblink* She gazed down at a now unconscious Hercules. "I've never
seen anyone his size faint before."




Title: Unexpected, 6/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
Pairing: None this section--but CLOSE. :)
Summary: Iolaus has ethics (no matter how uncomfortable it is), and Cupid and Strife discuss

possibilities.
Archive: Mailing lists, WWOMB, AJCS Archive, Mpreg Archive, others ask.
Rating: Series, FRAO, this section FRM
Parts: 6/?
Status: WIP
Series/Sequel: Part of the Love and Mischief Series
Website: http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles
Disclaimer: I do not own the recognizable media characters presented in this story. I have

no official agreement with the owners or creators of said characters. I make no profit from

this work. It is strictly for entertainment purposes. The actions of the characters in this

story are in no way meant to reflect on the personal lives of the actors who portrayed them.

Some characters (such as Impetua and Accord) are original and copyrighted.
Authors notes:
Warnings:

Unexpected, 6/?
By Scribe

Part Six

Timous, Iolaus, and Sherrue all stood, looking down at the recumbent Hercules. Timous said,

"I'm not trying to move him."

"I don't think that will be necessary. Ma'am, could you get me some water?" asked Iolaus.

"Sure. I think there's still an intact jug in there." She went back into the laundry room

and returned in a moment with a small jug of water. Iolaus reached for it, but instead of

handing it over, she upended it, pouring the contents right in Hercules' face. The hero

jerked, spluttering as he opened his eyes, and Iolaus gave her an accusatory look. "What?

You were going to do something different with it?"

Iolaus sighed. "I suppose not. Herc, are you all right?"

Hercules sat up. "I'm confused. I thought we'd rented a room for the night."

"We did."

"Then why am I wet if we didn't sleep outside in the rain?"

"Well, you passed out, and we had to wake you up somehow."

"What do you mean I passed out? I never just pass out. Someone hit me, right?"

"Uh, no."

"I remember hearing things crashing. SomeTHING hit me?"

"No, nothing physical."

"Then I was drugged."

"Don't think so. We both ate and drank the same things." He hesitated, then said slowly, "I

think that you just heard something that took you by surprise."

"Don't be ridiculous. You know the sort of news I've received before--war, death, mayhem,

tragedy, impending disaster--and I've NEVER fainted. I can't think of anything that would

have that effect on me." He looked at Timous. "What were we discussing before I...

before?"

"I hardly thing that's..." began Iolaus.

Timous, though not the most intelligent man on earth, knew enough to avoid this conversation.

His wife, though, was in no mood to be careful of other people's sensibilities. "I was in

the process of ripping him apart for fixing me a bath with water from the fertility spring.

Now I'm going to have another baby," she ran her hands sadly over her hips. "Just when I

managed to lose some of the weight. Oh, well. There's no reason now why I shouldn't go eat

the last of the honey puffs." She glared at her husband. "You know where you're sleeping

tonight?"

"Not exactly, dear," he said meekly. "I'll have to see which stall is free." She nodded,

and stalked off down the hall. Timous smiled at the two men, then whispered, "Actually, I

like it when she's a little heavier. Sooo nice to cuddle. Well, excuse me, but I've got to

go evict a few chickens if I want to get any rest." He left.

Iolaus stepped into the laundry room and came out with a towel, handing it to Hercules.

"We'd better get into our room. This hall is drafty." He stepped back into their room.

When Hercules didn't immediately follow, he leaned back out the door. "Well?" Hercules said

nothing, simply looking back at him as he dried his hair and face. "Look, it's either in

here, or you share a pile of straw with our host." Still no response. "Herc, you should

know by now that I'm not going to push anything on you if you're not interested, so stop

acting like..." *oof!*

He didn't quite lose his breath when Hercules shoved him back into the room, and he stumbled

and fell flat on the bed. He DID lose his breath when Hercules landed on top of him, though.

And when he gasped, he got a mouthful of tongue, so that sort of distracted him.

By the time his mind started to work in a straight line again, most of their clothes were

decorating the floor. Hercules pulled back and began working on the lacings of Iolaus'

breeches. Iolaus was about to tell him the trick of pulling on one thong for easy access,

then he suddenly realized what was happening. "Herc, wait!" Hercules had figured out the

trick. Iolaus felt cool air on his decidedly interested private parts, but it was followed

quickly by the warmth of a large, firm hand. "Oh, DAMN, that feels good!" he gasped.

"It's going to feel even better." Hercules was unlacing his own breeches now.

Iolaus made what for him was a great sacrifice, and fought off the urge to just lie back and

enjoy being molested. "Listen to me..."

"Happy to--I love your voice. But talk dirty, huh?"

"Oh, Zeus, why can't you be like this without being doused by hexed water? She splashed you

with water from the spring. I guess that the reaction was delayed because it wasn't a full

immersion, or you might have jumped Timous in the hall."

Hercules made a face. "Please! Now, I might have jumped YOU in the hall, if we didn't have

this bed available, but we DO. I say we give it a work out. I'm interested to see what it's

like in a bed."

"Not all that different from being with a girl in a bed. Herc, get a grip... *moan* No, not

like that."

"Why not? You seem to like it." *squeeze*

"Son of a-- LISTEN! This is the curse, Herc. You got hit by water from the spring."

Hercules, who was kneeling astraddle Iolaus' thighs, paused in caressing his friend. Iolaus

nobly resisted the desire to beg him to continue. Hercules stared down at Iolaus with heat

in his eyes, then said, "It doesn't feel like a curse to me."

"Last time we didn't know what was happening--this time we do. You can fight it, Herc."

Hercules' hands fell away from Iolaus' body... Then returned. "It must have been enchanted

by a God. Who am I do fight divine will?"

That galvanized Iolaus. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" He squirmed violently. It took Hercules by

surprise, and Iolaus managed to get out from under him. He tumbled to the floor in the

process, but he got away.

"Iolaus, you're going to hurt yourself." Hercules reached down toward him, but Iolaus

scooted away. He couldn't go far in the tiny room--his back quickly came up against the

wall--but he was just out of Hercules' reach.

"Herc, will you LISTEN to yourself for a minute? 'Who am I to fight divine will?' You're

the original buck the system guy. You're the major stone-in-the-sandal for half the gods and

goddesses on Olympus. With Ares alone you've generated enough frustration to keep Strife on

a rush for a century. You--bending to the will of a divinity? It's not NATURAL. THINK!"

Hercules sat back on his heels, looking irritated and perplexed. Then his eyebrows suddenly

shot up. "I said WHAT?"

"Exactly."

Hercules moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and rubbed his face. "Hold on. There was a

fight next door. We went out into the hall. The landlady was beating up her husband. I

passed out. I woke up wet..." He gave Iolaus a horrified look. "And I attacked you."

"Attacked might not be exactly the right word, but you sure were enthusiastic. Are you over

it now? I'd like to get up off the floor--it's cold."

Hercules looked down at his lap. He blushed, and quickly started to tighten the laces on his

breeches. "I'm not PHYSICALLY over it, but you don't have to worry about me grabbing you

again."

Iolaus pulled his knees up, and sat forward, hugging his legs and resting his chin on his

knees. "You think that worries me? You had your hand in my pants, Herc--did it seem that I

wasn't enjoying it?"

"Then why did you--? Iolaus, I haven't known you to willingly stop sex unless an enraged man

was coming through the door. I mean, if it's an enraged WOMAN, you try to talk her into

joining in."

"Why did I stop it? Look, I'll admit to occasionally using wine or ale as a mood enhancer,

but if the other party gets to the 'don't know what the Tartarus is going on' state--I stop.

Also I've never used an aphrodisiac, and I've never used one of Dite's potions. The fact of

the matter is that I'm not interested in taking advantage of any situation that isn't brought

about by my own natural charm. Before, I thought it was just us getting caught up in the

moment, but this time I knew you were under the influence, my friend."

"So you didn't want to take advantage of me?" Iolaus nodded. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but

I think YOU were the one flat on his back."

"Look, it's late, we're both tired, and this debate can wait. You think I could get back on

the bed?"

Hercules flushed, but this time it was with irritation. "I said I wasn't going to attack

you."

"That's not what's worrying me. I just want to be sure that it isn't going to make you too

uncomfortable. I could go sleep in the front room--it's a lot better than what we've had to

make do with before."

"Yeah. The, uh, situation has, uh, abated."

"Good." Iolaus got up. "But I think it might be a good idea for both of us to keep the

pants on tonight. You go ahead and get in bed, and I'll put out the lamp."

Hercules slipped between the sheets. Iolaus licked his fingertips, then used them to quickly

pinch out the wick in the lamp. The room went pitch dark. Hercules tried not to tense up as

he felt Iolaus climb onto the bed, but the sheet slid across his bare torso, scraping over

his still hard nipples. He quickly turned on his side, away from his friend. He started

contemplating Pythagorus' new mathematic theory in an effort to distract himself from the

slight warmth and heaviness in his groin.

Eventually, Hercules fell asleep. He didn't know that Iolaus lay awake for a long time after

he'd dropped off, staring at the ceiling, wondering if he'd just made the noblest sacrifice

of his life--or the stupidest.

~*~

The next morning, things were very quiet at the tavern. It wasn't difficult to sense

Sherrue's bad mood--Iolaus had seen thunderstorms present less obvious signals. The

customers were undemanding and profusely grateful for her every action. Her family was

solicitous and sympathetic. Well, the daughters were--Timous wisely found things to do

elsewhere. As she was serving breakfast, one of the daughters confided that if he was wise,

he'd find reasons to stay away from home most of the time for the next couple of months.

Both of the men had regained their appetites, and put a serious dent in the tavern's food

supplies. But they had the money to pay for it, and Sherrue muttered that perhaps it was a

good thing, since they'd soon have another mouth to feed. Despite her irritated stance,

though, Iolaus once or twice saw her passing a hand over her belly, a thoughtful look on her

face.

After they'd finished eating, they discussed whether they should stay a while longer, or

continue their journey. "We've almost finished checking the area," said Hercules. "We might

as well go ahead and get the last of it done."

"Since there's so little left to do, there's no reason why we can't take a couple of days to

rest," argued Iolaus. "Sure, trekking around is our chosen way of life, but that doesn't

mean I don't appreciate a short holiday now and then. And it's not like we'll be wasting

time. So far we've only got the differences we've found listed on a scroll. You know it

would be much more efficient if we took the time to annotate the actual map."

Hercules nodded. "That spring needs to be marked in red--and if we can find a way to make it

GLOW, I think it would be appropriate." Elladil, the eldest daughter, was passing, and he

flagged her down. "Miss, we've decided to stay over for at least another couple of days."

Sherrue was nearby, and her eyes narrowed. "We'll pay in advance, of course," he said

hastily.

The girl glanced at her mother, who nodded. "That will be fine. And we'll be able to give

you a nicer room at the same price, since some of the guests have moved on."

Hercules had pulled his money pouch off his belt. "How much for two rooms?"

The girl looked puzzled. "But we have one with a good, big bed--and two rooms will be more

expensive."

"I know, and I don't mind."

Melamin, the younger daughter, had been listening, then said curiously, "Did you and your

friend have a quarrel?"

"Melamin, that cow is going to bellow herself into a fit if you don't go milk her now," said

her mother. The girl left. Sherrue eyed the two men with something akin to sympathy, then

said, "I know what it's like to want a little space sometimes. You'll have your two rooms,

and at a fair price. Pay for just one day in advance." She turned away. "You might make

up."

On Olympus

"Okay," said Strife, "I gotta clue as ta what that energy burst mighta come from."

Cupid was nibbling his neck, and paused to ask, "Do tell?"

"Yah. At about tha same time I went hyper, Hestia got a burst, too."

Cupid was trying to decide the next part of Strife's anatomy he was going to nip. "Someone

screw up a house warming? That doesn't sound too bad."

Strife pushed him away. "Stop that for a second. I want ya ta concentrate. What's Hestia

in charge of, besides households?"

"The hearth, fire, childbirth..." he started to slow down, "newborns..."

"Fertility, an' conception. I always thought that was big time ironic, considerin that she's

a virgin, an' all. So I made a trip ta tha Cave of The Fates, an' guess what I found out?"

Cupid finally sat back a little, his interest sufficiently piqued. "Clotho has spun a

significant new thread?"

"Got it in one! I knew ya was a clever boy. They wouldn't let me take a close look at tha

tapestry, an' of course they wouldn't say anythin 'bout who tha mama an' daddy are." He

snickered. "I don't believe they're sure themselves. Ya know how confused they were when

Joxer got knocked up. If it's too off tha wall, they kinda discount it till it's so obvious

they can't ignore it. But from what I gleaned, tha kid-ta-be is definitely gonna have at

least one divine ancestor. We're gonna get anothah semi or demigod."

Cupid sighed. "More relatives. Joy!"

"I do believe I detect a hint of sarcasm, there. Yer comin along nicely. Aw, c'mon, Cupe."

"You're just happy because children are in your domain."

"That's part of it, but it'll be good fah Imp, Bliss, an' Accord ta have anothah kid ta play

with. Ya know how goo-goo Bliss is ovah Accord."

"I hope it's a little girl. Maybe she'll be a feminizing influence on Impetua." Strife made

a face. "You'd rather she learned to be a girl from Mom? How girlie would she be then?"

"Ya right. I can't count on my influence alone ta be enough ta keep her safe from

pink-addiction."

"So, who do you think is the most likely candidate?"

Strife thought. "If it was Dite we'da heard 'bout it by now. If it was Joxer, he'da popped

Ares one for gettin him preggers so soon aftah Accord. If it was Ares..." he snickered, "I

don't guess tha world would come ta an end, but we'd damn sure hear about it. Um... I know

Hades an' Persephone are tryin. It'd be kinda nice if it was them..." Cupid groaned.

"What?"

"I'm just hoping that Zeus hasn't knocked up another mortal. I don't want to have to tip-toe

around Hera for the next few decades." He looked at Strife sharply. "You're not...?"

"Bite yer tongue. On second thought, let me." He kissed Cupid deeply, nipping his tongue.

"Nah. I'm still on that concoction I got from Hecate, an' I know it ain't you, cause what we

were doin right before I got tha burst wouldn't make a baby. There's a lotta possibilities

up here. Apollo knocks one out with wunna tha Muses occasionally. Artemis an' Hestia are

both out fah tha same reasons. Lessee... Hermes has been sowin his wild oats pretty freely.

I s'pose Demeter MIGHT have found someone ta procreate with, but as involved as she is with

Persephone, I dunno if she'd be willin ta divide her obsession."

Cupid cocked his head. "I just thought of something. Maybe we're limiting our speculation.

If, like you said, the thread shows an indication of divinity, it doesn't have to mean a

full, or even a half of Olympian blood. It could mean that a demigod is expecting."

"Yah," Strife agreed. "Zeus knows there's plenty of 'em out there. But ta cause tha

intensity of what I felt, it'd hafta be a pretty significant demigod." He cackled. "Oo, I

just thoughta somethin. S'pose Xena's pregnant again?"

"Oo, Ares' daughter... That'd do it, all right. She's the most important demigod on earth

right now."

"Yah." Strife paused. "Well, all except one." Cupid looked at him questioningly. "You

know." Strife crossed his arms, puffed out his chest, scowled, and boomed, "Not this time,

Ares!"

Cupid laughed. "You're right--Hercules DOES sort of outrank Xena, at least on an unofficial

scale. Do you suppose he could have gotten someone pregnant?"

"He ain't married right now. I s'pose it's POSSIBLE, but he's tha original boy scout." He

was silent, then said, "There IS one more possibility, ya know." He stood up and did his

'Hercules pose' again, then used his hands to describe a big curve over his belly, and

assumed the sway-backed stance that he'd used through the last stages of his pregnancy with

Impetua.

Cupid blinked. "You're kidding."

"Am I?"

"He's a guy, Strife."

"Uh... duh? An' then there's Joxah."

"But you're both gods."

"He wasn't originally. An' Hercules ain't fully mortal."

"It's never happened before."

"Don't mean it COULDN'T."

"Okay, I'll give you that it isn't impossible, but it's highly unlikely."

Strife flopped back down on the couch they'd been sharing and embraced his husband, giving

him a smacking kiss. "Feathahs, when are ya gonna just accept tha fact that our entire

existence is highly unlikely?" He giggled. "That's what makes it so much fun."




Title: Unexpected, 7/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules, the Legendery Journies/Xena: Warrior Princess
Pairing: None this section
Status: WIP
Series/Sequel: Set in the Love and Mischief Universe
Summary: Strife want's his suspicions either confirmed, or disproved.
Archive: Yes
Feedback: Yes. On list, or to poet77665@catlover.com
Disclaimer: I did not create and do not own any readily recognizable
media characters. I have no agreement, legal or otherwise, with the
creators or owners. This is purely for entertainment--I have not
made, do not seek, and will not accept any profit for it. This story
is in no way meant to reflect on the lives or life styles of the
actors/actresses who originally portrayed the characters. I have
nothing but fond affection and respect for them, for giving me so
much entertainment, and no disrespect is meant by anything herein.
Rating: Teen
Warnings:
Notes: Previous sections can be found at adultfanfiction.net
Personal Websites: http://www.scribescribbles.com and
http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver (which can be reached through
the previous site).

Unexpected, 7/?
by Scribe

Part Seven

They spent the first part of the morning looking around the village.
Only the first part--there wasn't enough village for it to take very
long. They were a little surprised at the lack of obvious
businesses, till they saw a woman enter one building carrying a
basket of eggs, and almost immediately emerge carrying a bolt of
cloth. The townspeople did business, but it was mostly with each
other, and it was mostly in the form of barter.

They were also surprised to find not one, but TWO temples. Usually
only the larger cities had that luxury--the smaller ones usually
chose, or were cosen by, one divinity, and maintained some type of
place of worship for them. Hercules said, "Well, neither one is much
bigger than the public room at the inn, but they're definitely
temples. Why did they decided to have temples to Hestia AND Demeter?"

"Herc, Hestia is the Goddess of birth and newborns," said
Iolaus, "and Demeter is the Goddess of Fertility."

A horde of children ran past, shrieking gleefully. "When you put it
that way, it makes sense. Let's go back to the inn and see if we can
get an early lunch."

They started back toward the inn, and Iolaus said, "This is a new one-
-you wanting to eat before I do."

Hercules shrugged. "I can wait."

"I didn't say I wanted to wait--I just said it was unusual. I mean,
we ate at the same time last night, and we haven't been doing
anything that would make you get hungry, so I would've figured you'd
be good for another couple of hours."

"I'm just hungry. Don't you ever just get hungry?"

Iolaus shrugged. "All the time."

~*~

Cupid watched Strife as he paced restlessly. Finally he said, "Hon,
have you got ants under your leather?"

"Nah," said Strife, distractedly. "Good bit, though. Give a nice
little mischief charge when I can arrange if fah someone."

"Then will you please come over here and light? Watching you is
making me tired." Strife dropped down to sit beside his husband, and
his feet immediately started jittering. "Strife, for the love of
Olympus..."

"Well, I'm sorry, but ya knew I was hyper when ya married me."

"But you're REALLY bad today. I haven't seen you this jumpy since
you came back from..." Cupid's voice trailed off. He didn't like to
think about Strife's enforced stay in Asphodel. "What is it that's
got you so amped up?"

Strife jumped up and began bouncing on his heels. "I gotta find out
who it was who got knocked up, or I'm gonna go crazier than I already
am."

Cupid gave him a wry look. "You mean you have to confirm or disprove
your theory that it might be Hercules."

"Well, yah." Strife giggled. "Wouldn't that be a hoot? But if it
happened, it only happened tha othah day, an' if I hafta wait around
fah 'im ta start ta show, I'm gonna be nothin but leatha an nerves."

"I second the nerves thing. There's only one thing to do, then."
Cupid stood up.

"Askin him won't work, Cupe. You know Jerkulese--tha possibility
ain't gonna occur ta him. He'll be diaperin tha kid before he'll
admit that he's pregnant."

"So we're not going to ask HIM--we're going to ask ACE." Strife
leaped at Cupid, wrapping arms and legs around him. Cupid found
himself wearing his husband. "Oof. And maybe we'll ask him about
why I have a bad back while we're there."

~*~

"You want me to scan WHO for pregnancy?" said Ace.

"Ya heard me tha first time, Ace," said Strife.

"Yes, I heard you. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the fact
that you'd even consider it."

"Well, it's POSSIBLE, ain't it?" said Cupid.

"W-e-l-l..." Ace dragged the word out. "Since he's a demi-god, I
suppose so--IF he had sex in a manner that would make it possible."
He paused for a moment. "How do I put this?"

"Ya don't think he'd bottom," said Strife bluntly. "I'm here ta tell
ya that love will make ya do things ya didn't think ya would.
Anyways, since he IS a demi-god, an' not a FULL god, if he IS
preggers, tha sooner we know, tha bettah, eh?"

Ace lost the slightly glazed look he'd been sporting since Strife had
broached the theory of a pregnant Hercules. His godhood dictated
seeing that everyone under his charge, and that most particularly
included one of Zeus' offspring--no matter how diluted the
bloodline. "Do you know where he is? I'd like to scan him
immediately, and if he is, set up a regime to make sure that he and
the baby stay healthy."

"Ya gonna include emotional an' mental therapy, Ace? I know Herc
loves kids, an' probably hoped ta have more somewhere down tha line,
but I'd lay money he nevah considered carryin one himself."

"Let me go gather a few things, just in case. Ace started out of the
room, calling back, "Do you know where he is?"

"Nah, but he won't be hard ta find. His power trace may be a lot
fainter than a god's, but it's got a quality all its own."

"What would that be?" asked Cupid curiously.

"Well, they got this thing in tha future called 'tin foil'. It's
kinda like bitin on a piece of that..."

~*~

Iolaus was watching as Hercules finished drinking his second mug of
milk. The remains of a large meal lay on the table between them, and
for once there were more empty dishes in front of Hercules than
Iolaus. When Hercules lowered the empty mug, he noticed Iolaus
staring at him. "What?" he asked defensively. "You've seen me drink
milk before."

"Only at breakfast. You usually have wine or ale with lunch, or
water if we're low on funds."

"I wanted milk this time. I don't think that's unusual enough for
you to stare at me like..."

"You have a mustache." *And I want to lick it off.*

"Oh. Uh, thanks." Hercules pulled out a bandana and wiped his mouth
as Sherrue came up to the table.

The landlady surveyed the table, and said, "I'm glad I don't do all
you can eat for one price, or you two would bankrupt me."

"The food was wonderful," said Hercules. "Could I have another cup
of milk? I don't mind paying for it."

"Oh, I won't charge you for that." Sherrue took the empty mug. As
she turned away, she said, "I'm going to be drinking it by the bucket
myself pretty soon. I always crave it when I'm pregnant."

Asclepius, Cupid, and Strife appeared in the inn's main room--Cupid
standing behind Iolaus, and Strife and Ace behind Hercules. There
were no showy sparks--the gods had decided to arrive invisible, and
not draw any attention to themselves, at least at first. Strife had
been all for doing a pyrotechnics show, complete with the, "Bwha ha
ha! Greetings, puny mortals! Bow down and worship!" He always got
a kick out of that when he did it in a public place because there was
usually at least one mortal who gave themself a bloody nose or knot
on the forehead from prostrating themselves too fast. Cupid had
talked him out of it. He thought that Hercules and Iolaus might want
to stay where they were for awhile, and having the populace know that
he had intimate dealings with gods (particularly Strife) might make
things difficult for him. Ace was a little surprised that Strife
agreed so readily, till he realized that Cupid had included an offer
of a particularly mind-boggling sexual act if Strife 'behaved
himself'.

Strife was bouncing again. "Well? Well? Well? Well?"

"Zeus, Strife, give me a minute," said Ace. "I haven't even started
to scan him. Cupid, what are you grinning about?"

Cupid was eyeing Iolaus with approval. "What do you think?"

Strife giggled. "They'll make a cute couple."

"I'm kind of hoping I leave here without having to talk to him," said
Ace dryly. "Since he IS part mortal, a heart attack isn't out of the
question. Now, you two shut up. I need to concentrate. If there IS
a pregnancy, it's going to be so new that I'm going to have to really
look for it."

Ace cupped his hands just over Hercules' head, closed his eyes, and
concentrated. Unseen to Hercules or Iolaus, a golden glow built up
under Ace's hands, then slowly flowed down, creeping gradually, till
it enveloped Hercules' body. After a moment, Ace's eyes flew
open. "Well, fuck me."

"No thanks, I'm married," said Strife. Then he collapsed with
laughter.

Cupid watched his husband rolling on the floor, then looked over at
Ace. "Just for the sake of formality, he IS pregnant, right?"

"Oh, he's pregnant, all right. The life force is barely a spark, but
it's a BRIGHT spark. There's no doubt about it." Ace looked around
at the other tables full of diners. "I need to talk to him, but this
isn't the sort of news he needs to get in a room full of people."

"They have a room upstairs," said Cupid. Cupid did a very quick
probe of Iolaus mind, only taking the information he needed, since it
would have been rude to just rummage around. "The landlady gave them
the second one to the right of the stairs."

"I'll go wait up there. You two get him up there."

"Iolaus, too?"

Ace shrugged. "He's apparently the father--he should know." He
disappeared.

Cupid studied the two heros again. "Call me vain, but I have the
feeling that if I appeared, I might attract a lot of attention."

"I'll do it," said Strife.

"Strife..."

"I'll be discreet." Cupid stared at him. "I can SO do discreet. I
wouldn't be able ta set up some of my more elaborate gigs if I
couldn't. Watch." Strife snapped his fingers, and he was dressed in
normal clothes--simple boots, pants, and tunic of homespun material.
He'd even tamed his hair so that it wasn't as wild and spiky as
usual. "Whatcha think?"

Cupid gave him a raking look. "I say you remember that outfit for
later use, and we'll play 'Love God and supplicating mortal'."

"Deal. I guess I bettah come in tha mortal way. Be right back." He
walked out the front door, then walked back in. This time, though,
Strife was visible to mortal eyes. He walked toward the table where
Hercules and Iolaus were sitting. Hercules had his back to the door,
so he didn't see the newcomer approaching. Iolaus glancing over
Hercules' shoulder, saw him, noted absently that he wouldn't mind
knocking boots with that, and looked back at Hercules--then did a
double take. His eyes went wide, and Strife put a finger to his lips
to keep him from blurting anything out. He cleared his throat and
said, "Excuse me, but is that third seat taken?"

When Iolaus didn't answer, Hercules said courteously, "Certainly.
Have a seat, and we'll be through in just a minute."

Strife dropped into the empty chair. "Don't hurry on my account,
sport." Hercules blinked at him, and realization flashed in his
expression. Before the demi-god could move, though, Strife's hand
shot out, clamping down on his wrist. Strife said quickly, "Hold up,
I'm not here ta cause any shit." He giggled. "Watch it, maybe, but
not cause it."

Sherrue bustled over and set a mug of milk before Hercules. "There
you go." She looked at Strife. "Lunch is over, but I suppose I
could get you some bread and cheese."

"Thanks, but I'm good." Strife could feel how tense Hercules was,
and as Sherrue walked away, he whispered, "Don't pitch any hissies.
She seems like a nice enough lady--ya don't wanna go bustin up her
furniture just 'cause ya don't like me."

Hercules gritted his teeth. "What do you want?"

"Me? Nothin in particulah, but Ace wants ta see ya up in yer room."

Hercules' expression relaxed slightly. Ace was one of the few gods
he believed actually benefitted mankind. "Why?"

"Don't ask me. I don't meddle in othah people's business." He put a
hand behind his ear, as if listening for something. "Tha universe
may now have a hearty laugh."

Hercules stood up. "If you don't have any further business here, you
ought to go. You're a trouble magnet, even when you don't
deliberately TRY to be." He headed for the stairs.

Iolaus glanced at Iolaus. "You, too, Blondie. Go up ta tha bedroom
with Herc." He winked.

His voice low, Iolaus said, "What's the point? He'll tell me
anything interesting, and other than that, there won't be anything
fun happening up there."

Strife propped his chin in his hands. "Ya two have a fight?"

"That's what the landlady asked. We're not..." He crooked his
fingers in phantom quotation marks, "'together'."

"Ya aren't? Then g'wan up--ya shouldn't hear anythin that'll
discombobulate ya much."

"You love being mysterious, don't you?"

"Almost as much as I love bein blatant. G'wan, Goldie. He might
need ya."

"Need--? Is anyone else besides Ace going to be up there?" He
didn't wait for an answer, but jumped up and hurried toward the
stairs.

Strife ticked off on his fingers. "Oh, just Ace, Cupie, an'..." he
giggled, "someone ta be determined at a latah date--say in about nine
months."




Title: Unexpected, 8/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules, the Legendery Journies/Xena: Warrior Princess
Pairing: None this section
Status: WIP
Series/Sequel: Set in the Love and Mischief Universe
Summary: The news is broken, but not everyone is ready to accept it. Guess who?
Archive: Yes
Feedback: Yes. On list, or to poet77665@catlover.com
Disclaimer: I did not create and do not own any readily recognizable media characters. I have no

agreement, legal or otherwise, with the creators or owners. This is purely for entertainment--I have

not made, do not seek, and will not accept any profit for it. This story is in no way meant to reflect on

the lives or life styles of the actors/actresses who originally portrayed the characters. I have nothing

but fond affection and respect for them, for giving me so much entertainment, and no disrespect is

meant by anything herein.
Rating: Teen
Warnings:
Notes: Previous sections can be found at adultfanfiction.net
Personal Websites: http://www.scribescribbles.com and http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver (which

can be reached through the previous site).

Unexpected, 8/?
by Scribe

Chapter Eight

It wasn't easy for Cupid to pace in the small room. He was a big man, and his wings took up even more

space. He managed, though. Asclepius was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him pass back and

forth. "Why so antsy?"

"Strife's downstairs with Hercules, and he has information that could quite possibly cause Hercules to

choke."

"That's a good enough reason, I guess."

The door opened and Hercules hesitated in the doorway, taking in the scene before him. Cupid said,

"Come on in and shut the door. This isn't the sort of business we want to do in public."

Hercules came in, shutting the door after himself. Hercules wasn't really fond of any of the Olympians,

but he had less against these two Gods than most of them. "Ace, Strife said you wanted to talk to me.

What's wrong?"

"Probably nothing. I just wanted to check something."

Iolaus came in right behind him. His eyes bounced between the two gods, and his mind kicked into over

drive, trying to figure out what could possibly require the attendance of these two. Cupid smiled,

waving at him. "Hey, Iolaus." Both he and Aphrodite had a soft spot for the blond hunter. Even if he

wasn't aware of it, he'd worked with them both extensively.

"Hi, Cupe," Iolause greeted him. "What's going on?"

"It's better if we don't say right now," said Cupid. "It may be nothing or it may be... something."

Hercules frowned. "But I feel fine. I don't feel ill at all."

"Even if what I suspect is true is true--you wouldn't." Asclepius stood up, flexing his fingers. "This

should only take a moment. Just hold still."

Hercules wasn't sure that he liked the idea of a divinity poking and prodding at him, even if it was done

without actual physical contact. But if the God of Healing thought you needed an examination, it

wouldn't be wise to turn him down. He stood still while Ace extended his hands, fingers spreading and

kneading gently at thin air.

Ace held his hands level with Hercules' face, then slowly lowered them. He paused level with Herc's

waist, but continued down till he was even with his shins. Then he stood up, rubbing his chin

thoughtfully. Iolaus watched the proceedure closely. When Ace stood back up he said impatiently,

"Well?"

When the healing god didn't immediately reply, Cupid said, "C'mon, Ace. Don't keep us in suspence."

"Aside from the fact that I'm your uncle, Cupid," said Hercules, "why are you concerned?"

"Because if what we suspect is true, my husband is going to get such a rush of energy that I'm

probably going to have to tie him down for the better part of a year," said the love god. "Well, Ace?"

"I need to check a little more closely," said Ace. "This isn't something I want to be mistaken about." He

held out his hands again, just about level with Herc's bellybutton. Ace concentrated, and a gold glow

appeared over his hands, drifting out toward Herc's belly.

"You're starting to worry me," said Hercules.

Cupid patted his shoulder. "Don't. Even if it's true, it isn't anything to be upset about. Well, -I- don't

think so."

Ace dropped his hands and took a step backward abruptly, looking startled. "Oh, dear."

"What?!" said Iolaus, starting to feel alarmed.

"I was half expecting it, but it's still quite a surprise."

Iolaus stepped up to him, took a twist of toga around his fist, and said, "TELL ME!"

Ace looked around Iolaus at Hercules. "Herc, I want you to sit down for a minute."

Now Hercules was feeling even more worried. "Why?"

"Because there's a chance you might faint, and you're too big for us to be hauling around."

Hercules flushed. "Did someone tell you about the fainting--I mean being knocked unconscious last

night?"

"You've fainted?"

"Um..."

"Tell him!" said Iolaus. "If it has to do with your health, you can't afford to bullshit."

"Yes, I fainted last night."

"Well, that isn't entirely unexpected in this situation..."

Iolaus and Hercules chorused. "WHAT SITUATION?"

"Hercules," said Ace in a hard, no-nonsense voice. "Sit---down." Hercules sat. Ace looked at Iolaus. "I

think you'd better let go of me and join him. I believe this involves you as well."

Iolaus released him and sat beside Hercules. Hercules said anxiously, "It isn't contagious, is it?"

Cupid gave a surprised snort of laughter, and said, "I'm not a doctor, and I can say with finality that it

isn't catching."

"I don't know any way of saying this except to just say it..." said Ace.

"But you haven't!" growled Iolaus.

"Hercules," said Asclepius, "you're pregnant."

There was dead silence in the room. A sound drifted up from downstairs--Strife cackling. "That," said

Hercules, "is a very, very sick joke."

Ace's expression hardened. "I don't joke about things like that, and you know it."

Iolaus was blinking rapidly. "Shit. Herc, that's true. Ace takes his position seriously. Neither he, nor

Apollo joke around about the physical state of their patients."

"But that's impossible!" Hercules blurted.

Strife flashed into the room. He was once again dressed in his leathers, and he was holding up one

gloved hand as if making a point. "Wrongo, Muscles! Gods can get preggers," he spread a hand on his

chest, "Bearing witness here. Gotta green-eyed cutie all my own ta prove it."

"But I'm NOT a god," Hercules insisted.

Cupid slung an arm around Strife's neck. "But you ARE a demi-god, Herc. You've got the strength, the

resistance to illness, the long life, the fast healing. What makes you think you escaped the ability to

gestate?"

"Oo, I love tha way ya said that." Strife kissed Cupid on the cheek. "I knew it. Lemme guess--ya had a

particularly intense encounter 'bout two days ago, right?" Hercules flushed, fists clenching, and Iolaus

looked at the floor. "Don't go gettin wound up," said Strife. "I wasn't peekin. C'mon, Mischief here. If

somethin like that happened, do ya imagine fah a moment that I wouldn't get a major buzz offa it?

So..." he dropped down to sit on Hercules' other side. "Whatcha want--boy, or girl? I've dealt with

both, an they're both nice. Course I think it's prob'ly easier tah chambah pot train a girlie. Little boys,

ya gotta teach 'em ta aim, and some men nevah..."

Hercules put his head in his hands. "I don't believe this."

"You'd better," said Ace firmly. "I've dealt with two male pregnancies so far, and they aren't necessarily

dangerous, but they're not picnics either. The earlier in your pregnancy you take on full divinity, the

better." He held out his hands and materialized a bowl of ambrosia. Extending it toward Hercules he

said, "Eat this now. When we get you to Olympus we'll start you on a diet that will include regular

doses. It'll be more than what most of us eat, but you'll need all..."

Hercules' face had darkened. "What are you talking about?"

There was quiet again for a moment. Everyone was very aware of Hercules' antagonistic relationship

with the Pantheon. Then Ace said simply, "We're talking about the health and safety of you and,

perhaps more importantly, your child."

Hercules hesitated for a second, but then the stubborn expression appeared again, and he folded his

arms and said in a chilly voice, "Ace, is there any chance that you might be mistaken?" Everyone in the

room looked at him. Questioning a diagnosis by the God of Healing was along the lines of thinking that

Ares couldn't find his way to a battlefield, or that Aphrodite would run screaming in modesty from an

orgy. He knew this, but repeated himself. "Is it possible?"

"Almost anything is possible," said Ace evenly, refusing to be insulted at having the ability that was a

fundamental part of his nature questioned. "And this pregnancy..."

"If it is a pregnancy."

Ace closed his eyes briefly. "If it is a pregnancy is still very new, so I COULD, by some unearthly

mischance, be wrong."

"There."

"It is, however, highly unlikely, and it's always better to be safe than sorry." Ace held out the ambrosia

again. "Start on this."

"Get that stuff away from me," growled Hercules. "I wouldn't eat it if I was starving to death and it was

the only food source left in the world."

Strife said, "I've felt like that sometimes. It tastes like crap, Herc, but ya get pretty used to

it--eventually."

"For the last time, I'm not..."

"Chill, big guy." Strife looked at Cupid and Ace. "We oughta leave him alone, guys."

"But if he's pregnant..." Ace began.

"Look, Ace, didya sense anythin off?"

"Well, no. He's in his usual almost scary good health."

"Then there ain't any reason ta worry about things right now."

"But if..."

Strife looked at Iolaus. "Blondie, d'ya think ya could keep," he jerked a thumb at Hercules, "yer

snoogie..."

"Hey!" said Hercules.

Strife looked innocent. "Don't like tha nick-name? Whataya prefer? I just wouldn't feel right referin ta

ya as any of tha food choices, like cupcake, cookie, or honey. Cupe an' I are kinda fond of 'Boo'. If ya

wanna get all politically correct we could call ya tha 'significant othah'. Or we could just go tha simple

route an' say lover." Hercules had been turning steadily redder, and Iolaus, for all his usual

unflappability, wasn't far behind. Satisfied that he'd reduced Hercules to speechlessness for the

moment, Strife continued, "Like I was sayin, Iolaus. D'ya think ya can keep ol' Herc from doin anythin

too strenuous fah tha next week or so? Keep 'im from challengin warlords, ridin hydras, or pluckin harpy

tail feathas?"

"This is a quiet neighborhood," said Iolaus, "And we can easily stay here for another week."

"So howsabout you two twiddle yer thumbs," he giggled, "or whatevah othah part of yer bodies strikes

yer fancy, fah anotha week? Then Ace can come back an' give ya a final diagnosis." He looked at Ace.

"By then a pregnancy would be far enough along so there'd be no doubt, huh?"

"I might be mistaken with mortals," said Ace a little stiffly, "but not with anyone having divine blood.

The power signature starts to develop early. If you're determined to go this route, I can't very well do

anything about it, but I'm stating clearly that I think it's a mistake." He made the ambrosia disappear.

"If you won't eat the ambrosia, promis me that you're going to start eating more green vegetables and

drinking more milk. A piece of liver now and then wouldn't hurt, either."

"Gaggity-gaggity-gaggity..."

"Shut up, Strife," said Ace calmly. "You might not have liked it, but take a look at Impetua and tell me

it wasn't worth it."

"Got me there, champ. That lil green-eyed booger is worth every gummy, gray chunk I evah choked

down." Hercules was looking a little green. "Tha onions helped some," said Strife helpfully. "An' as long

as yer careful ta remove all that gristle..." Hand over mouth, Hercules looked around frantically. Strife

materialized a chamber pot and offered it to him. He snatched it and bent over it just in time. *urk*

Strife wrinkled his nose. "Nausea. Herc, you sure you wanna go through tha whole denial bit?"

"Lunch didn't sit well with me," said Hercules stubbornly.

"Dare you to say that to Sherru," said Iolaus almost tiredly. "You guys can stop worrying. I'll stick with

him and make sure he doesn't strain himself." He glared at Hercules. "Though you might want to get me

a set of Hephastean steel chains, just in case he gets even more bull-headed."

"Cupe an' me can let ya borrow our anniversary set, if ya want." Strife giggled. "They'll fasten in aaaall

kindsa interestin positions."

"I don't know about you guys," said Ace, "but I don't have all day to hang around an inn, shooting the

breeze. It's about time for most of the Muses to take another contraceptive potion, and the

preparations of the ingredients is a real pain in the butt. Do you have any idea how man butterflies you

have to capture to get an ounce of their eyelashes?" He disappeared.

Cupid said, "I've got business, too." He took Strife's arm. "C'mon, Hot Stuff." He smirked at Iolaus.

"Strife is scheduled to slip a powerful aphrodisiac into the mead at a particularly dicey negotiation

session between two warlords who've been in a pissing contest lately. I have to be there to make sure

that the, um, urges turn in the proper direction." They disappeared in a mingling of pink and blue

sparks.

Hercules was holding the almost full (he'd had a big meal) chamber pot, eyeing the odiferous contents,

aghast. "I can't just leave this sitting around--not with the hot weather lately. I ought to take it out

to the shed in back and dump it." He suddenly covered his mouth again. "But the thought of walking

into that smell..."

"Do NOT think about it," Iolaus ordered, taking the pot. "The last thing we need is for you to hurl again.

You can't possibly have anything left in your stomach, and that whole 'I need to throw up but there's

nothing left, I guess I'll have to use my intestines' thing is painful, and damn uncomfortable to watch."

He set the pot aside, saying, "Lay down." Hercules stared at him. Iolaus frowned. "Herc, get on the

bed." Hercules jaw tightened. Iolaus blinked as the Clue Fairy popped him on the back of the head. "Oh,

I don't BELIEVE it! Do you honestly think I'd try to get some off you when you were feeling ill? If you

won't admit I have consideration then at least credit me with a little discrimination. Do you think I'd

want to have sex with you after that," he pointed to the pot, "and before you brushed your teeth?

You've had an emotional shock. Lay down and I'll get you a damp cloth for your forehead."

"Oh." Feeling a little ashamed, Hercules laid down on the bed while Iolaus poured some water from the

room's ewer into a wash basin, wet the provided cloth, wrung it out, and folded it. He went over to the

bed, and Hercules started to reach for the cloth. "Put your hands down, idiot." Hercules obeyed. "Close

your eyes." He did. Hercules felt the cool, damp cloth settle on his forehead, covering him from hairline

to the bridge of his nose. "Now lay there, and try to relax. Don't take that off. If you're really still you

might get lucky and fall asleep."

"Are you kidding me? After THAT?"

"If you ARE pregnant, your body is going to start craving more rest. Just do it. A nap can't hurt, and it

isn't as if we have anywhere to be, or anything important to do right now."

Hercules heard Iolaus start for the door. "Iolaus? Would you mind staying downstairs for a while after

you finish?"

There was a moment of silence. The Iolaus, voice hard, said, "What makes you think that you're the

only one who wants a little time alone to think things through, Herc?"

Hercules, a little stunned, was trying to formulate a reply when he heard the door shut, and the

opportunity was lost.



Title: Unexpected, 9/?
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Hercules, the Legendery Journies/Xena: Warrior Princess
Pairing: None this section
Status: WIP
Series/Sequel: Set in the Love and Mischief Universe
Summary: Who needs who?
Archive: Yes
Feedback: Yes. On list, or to poet77665@catlover.com
Disclaimer: I did not create and do not own any readily recognizable media characters. I have no

agreement, legal or otherwise, with the creators or owners. This is purely for entertainment--I have

not made, do not seek, and will not accept any profit for it. This story is in no way meant to reflect on

the lives or life styles of the actors/actresses who originally portrayed the characters. I have nothing

but fond affection and respect for them, for giving me so much entertainment, and no disrespect is

meant by anything herein.
Rating: Teen
Warnings:
Notes: Previous sections can be found at adultfanfiction.net If Deianeira isn't the name of Hercules'

first wife, blame Wikipedia. That's where I got it. I haven't seen much of the series, so I don't know if

Iphecles and Hercules mother would really have the attitudes I gave them, but that's how it is in this

series.
Personal Websites: http://www.scribescribbles.com and http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver (which

can be reached through the previous site).

Unexpected, 9/?
by Scribe

Chapter Nine

Sherrue reflected that it was a damn good thing that her Elladil and Melamin had gotten mature enough

to help out around the inn. She was going to need them as her newest pregnancy progressed. She was

by no means an old woman, but neither was she as young as she used to be, and bearing and raising a

child had never been a walk in Elysia. Now that the girls were helping out she could take a few minutes

to sit down--and work on the sewing.

She hadn't thrown away the last set of baby clothes, figuring that doing that would GUARANTY she

would get pregnant. She had gotten the little bundle out of the linen storage and was sorting through

it, checking to see if there was any repair work that was needed. She was also making a mental list of

anything she might need. *Maybe I'll give away those little blue gowns. The way things go, if I have

nothing but pink, I'll probably have a boy.*

The good looking blond man was coming down the stairs, carrying a chamber pot. That was nice

manners--very few guests ever thought to empty their own. She called, "Elladil, come help this

gentleman."

Her eldest girl bustled in, took one look, and held out her hands toward Iolaus. "I'll take care of that."

"Oh, really, you don't have to," Iolaus protested. "You give good service here, but there's no reason for

you to have to put up with this."

She'd bent over and examined the contents of the pot, and now she wrinkled her nose. "It's all right.

I'm hoping to be a healer, and this will be good training."

He handed the pot over to her, and Sherrue called, "Come have a seat. I've got a little ginger wine if

you need something to settle your stomach."

"Thanks. I'll join you, but I'm not the one who needs it." He went and took the chair beside her.

"Then it's your friend? Huh. He's the last person I'd expect to have a weak stomach." She gave him a

suspicious look. "You both ate from the same pot, so..."

"Oh, it was nothing we got here," he assured her. "The food is wonderful, by the way. It's awful nice to

eat something I didn't catch, gut, skin, and cook myself." He peered at the bundle she was working on.

"Baby clothes?"

She nodded. "I might as well get them ready now. I'm going to need them, and if this pregnancy is

anything like my others, I'm not going to have much energy or ambition in a few months. Say, do you

think your friend will need a healer? Since we don't have a temple for Apollo or Asclepius, we only have

an old woman who's good with herbs, but we can send to another village if you need someone with

more training."

"You're very thoughtful, but I think he'll be all right. It's just that he's been having an emotional time

lately."

She grunted. "I can understand that. If I didn't have an iron constitution I'd be having a nervous

collapse right now." Sherrue sighed. "It isn't that I don't want another baby. I just didn't want one

NOW."

"But you can't possibly be sure--not yet. Don't women have to wait and see if their next monthly flow

is late?"

"I any other place on Earth, yes. But here? Not if you've been in contact with water from that spring."

"But there has to be some chance..."

"No. This has been going on for at least..." she squinted upward thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know, but

Zeus was probably in diapers. And through all that time no woman who's ever bathed in that spring has

escaped without adding another member to their family. And any man who bathes in it is fantastically

fertile for a certain period after he uses it." She smiled. "That can cause a lot of trouble. My grandma

used to tell me about the time that a certain ladies' man got knocked into it. A year later there were a

half dozen babies in town who looked as alike as Deimos and Phobos. You know, I think that this little

town has been responsible for increasing the population of many parts of Greece and Macedonia, given

the number of caravan riders who have probably thought that spring looked refreshing."

"There ought to be warning signs."

"Sure, sure." She was threading a needled. "But who'd believe them?" She started to tighten the seam

in a tiny shirt. "I should have told you last night, but if you and your friend don't want to be daddies,

I'd advice you to avoid female companionship for the next week at least." She slid him a sly look. "Or to

at least avoid the type of activity that can cause babies." Her tone said 'and maybe that won't be

such a hardship for you two', but there was no condemnation.

"Sherrue, my friend and I will need to stay with you for at least another week--maybe longer."

"That's fine. It'll be kind of nice to have regular customers."

"But we're going to need two rooms."

She paused, looking at him. "Are you sure? It's a good bit more expensive, and with a new one on the

way I'm afraid I can't afford to give you a discount."

"I understand."

She took another couple of stitches, then said quietly, "I could tell him that we don't have the spare

room, if you want."

Iolaus sighed. "Thank you. I know you mean well, but in our situation deception of any kind would only

make things worse."

"There was a time I might have disputed you on that point," said Sherrue, "But after last night I won't.

If Timous had just kept on wheedling and coaxing I expect I'd have eventually given in." She smiled

faintly. "As much work as they are, babies are worth the trouble, and if I'm going to be honest, I'd like

a little boy also." The smiled turned into a look of irritation. "If only to raise one man so that he has

some idea of how to deal with women. I'll make sure that I have two rooms for you on the second

floor. That one you had last night is scarcely big enough for one, let alone two, and one of them as big

as your friend." She laid aside her work and stood up. "I'll go tell the girls, so that they don't put

someone else in those rooms." She left the room.

Iolaus sat for a while longer, thinking. When it came right down to it, he wasn't sure if he was being

honest with Hercules or not. He knew that he loved his friend more than he'd ever loved anyone--male

or female--but he didn't know for certain if it was romantic love, or the sort of soul deep friendship

that was even rarer than that. He thought--he HOPED--he could be contented with either, but it had

to be one or the other. Now this came along to complicate things. *This can be either the greatest

thing that ever happened to both of us, or it could tear us apart. However we end up, one thing's for

certain. We're going to have to talk--REALLY talk. This isn't something that's just going to go away,

and...* He sat up abruptly as a terrible realization swept over him. *It COULD go away. Women lose

babies all the time. They lose babies, and they die. What if...?* He shook his head in denial. *No. Herc

has his own semi-divine nature to protect him. How many times have I seen him recover from a wound

that would have sent an ordinary mortal to Hades? And Ace and Apollo are right on the job. The gods

won't let anything happen to him or the baby.* He closed his eyes, fighting back a groan. *And the

gods can't control everything. Even Strife died, and stayed dead for months. If they couldn't protect

one of their own, they might not be able to protect him. Oh, damn.*

He stood up and made for the stairs.

~*~

When Iolaus left the room, Hercules pulled the damp cloth off his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

"Way to go, Hercules," he muttered. *You just hurt one of the few people on Earth who genuinely

cares about you for yourself, and not what you can do for him.*

He stared at the ceiling for another few moments, then realized that he had his hands pressed to his

belly. *What am I doing? Even if I AM, there won't be a bulge yet--not for six or seven months.* He

sighed. *Why kid myself? Not for four or five months. I remember how it was with Deianeira. Bless her

heart--she was showing before we even knew for sure. We thought she was so irritable just becuase

she was gaining weight no matter how she tried to diet. Now that Strife went through having Impetua,

I have to wonder if that wasn't at least partially because of the hormones.* He sat up suddenly,

blinking. *Is that how I'm going to get? No! Even if I was--and I'm NOT--I'd be...* "I'd be calm, and

sensible, and even tempered. I mean after all, it's a temporary thing, and whatever changes there are

in a person, they change back once the baby comes."

*FLASH*

Strife was lying beside him, hands crossed comfortably behind his head. "Ya just keep tellin yerself

that, Herc." He chuckled. "I can still hear myself tellin Joxer that I was gonna..." He crooked his fingers

in the air, "TAKE CONTROL of my pregnancy. I hear anyone say somethin like that now, I laugh my ass

off."

"What are you doing here?"

Strife glanced down at his feet. "Well, I ain't gettin dog shit on tha sheets, like you. Ya didn't think ta

take off yer sandals?" Hercules looked down quickly, and Strife cackled. "Made ya look!"

"How can someone several centuries old be so juvenile?"

"I work at it, but I'm bein mature now. I'm here ta urge ya ta reconsidah. If ANYONE is pregnant they

oughta be with their family, an' a guy bein pregnant sorta goes BEYOND stress, so it's even more

important for you."

Hercules snorted. "Like you really care about my well being."

"Okay, I'll admit that it isn't wunna my priorities. But that baby in yer belly is anotha matter entirely.

We ain't got that many kids with divine ancestry around, an' Impetua could really use a playmate about

her own age." He sat up and gave Hercules a cold look. "So, ya gonna say ya wouldn't let any kid of

yours play with any kid of mine?"

"No," said Hercules quietly. "I've met Impetua. She's a handful, but she's a sweet little girl."

Strife relaxed a little. "Ya just went a long way toward de-antagonizin me." Strife looked around.

"Where's Blondie? Somehow I don't think he'd be naturally inclined ta go off an leave ya alone fah long."

"I asked him to stay downstairs for a little while."

"You what?"

Strife's voice was flat, and Hercules found that he felt like defending himself. "I wanted some time to

think."

"Aftah all yer years of flyin off tha handle and jumpin ta conclusions yer gonna start thinkin NOW? Oh,

REAL smart. Yer already at daggers point with mosta Olympus, every bandit an' mosta tha warlords

would cheerfully wear yer guts, and mosta tha regular folks an' royalty are just lookin fah what ya can

do fer them. All that, an' ya go an' push away tha one person on earth who really gives a crap about

ya? Smooth."

"YOU'RE giving ME social advice?"

"Somebody should. I gotta tell ya this, Herc--if ya don't have some people ta help look after ya, Zeus

isn't gonna wanna risk yer grandkid by leavin ya down here ta go through it alone. He's liable ta just

haul yer ass up to Olympus."

"I wouldn't go. STOP CACKLING!"

Strife sniffed. "Oh, please. Look, I ain't gonna argue with yah about it. If ya don't have Iolaus ta look

after ya, who else could ya go to down here?"

Hercules thought. Iphicles? Alceme? He seriously doubted that Iphecles would want to deal with the

political ramifications of a pregnant brother, and his mother... Well, he loved her, but she hadn't done

anything practical for a long, long time. Then there was Xena. Hercules would trust Xena to watch his

back any time, anywhere, but she wasn't exactly big on nurturning. Gabrielle? Gabrielle wouldn't

separate from Xena for any appreciable time. *And I'd probably have to listen to her poetry every day.

She'd want to write sonnets to motherhood. Or fatherhood. Or whatever the Tartarus this will be.*

"Whatcha got that look on yer face for?"

"I just realized that I've accepted the fact that I'm pregnant. In the back of my mind I sort of knew I

would, but I didn't expect it to come that quickly."

"Yah? Me, either. I thought ya'd probably deny it at least till ya felt tha little booger squirmin around,

maybe till they laid it on yer belly. So, ya gonna make up with yer sweetie, or are ya gonna make me

go recruit a kidnap party? I'm pretty sure I won't hafta do a whole lotta persuadin."

The door opened and Iolaus came in, hearing the last part of the statement. "That's not going to be

necessary." He gave Hercules a stern look. "I don't want to be rude, but could you get lost? I need to

have a talk with the man who's going to be my kid's other father."



tbc

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