Welcome to AresJoxerCupidStrife

Christine, Christine, Christine. Really, dear, you
should have known better. *giggle*

Okay, for those of you who aren't familiar: I've done
a series featuring my MarySue character (named
surprisingly enough Scribe) sucked into her own
MarySue universe and pursued by all the characters we
know and love. The first one involves her frantic
scramble to protect her virginity. In the second
one--she loses. I've started a third.

Reading the previous works will make this funnier, but
it isn't necessary. It can stand alone. If you're
interested, go to http://www.fanfiction.net, do an
author search for Scribe, then read ...what you wish
for..., then ...you just might get it. Then, if you
are still sane, you might want to read Be Careful.
That ends the first cycle in the Proverb Series. I've
started another cycle with Believe Half of What You
See (dealing with actors in multiple roles) and this
was more than you wanted to know, wasn't it? Tough.

Anyway, here's my answer to Christine's BadFic
Challenge. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Title: A Visit to Scribe
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess
Pairing: Cupid/Xander, Strife/Scribe
Sequal/Series:
Status: Finished
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, and if you suspect I've
made any profit, I'll show you my bank statements.
Notes: An answer to Chistine's Badfic Challenge
Rating: R

"Strife?"

"Hmph."

"Str-i-i-f-ie..."

"Quitit. I'm not in tha mood."

Cupid sat up abruptly, astonishment flitting over his
divinely (literally) handsome face. "Shit! Don't
tell me it's the end of the world ALREADY?! Why
didn't you TELL me? We could have ripped off another
piece."

"Smart ass."

"I don't know about that, but it HAS been called
talented. What's got you in such a mood?"

"I am contemplatin tha injustices of tha universe.
Our creatah has been unfair."

"So talk to Zeus."

"Not that old goat. I'm talkin about about THE
creatah."

Cupid's eyes, as golden as a krugeraad, widened.
"You... you mean... HER?"

"Yah, who else. Scribe."

"But we LOVE Scribe."

"Sure we do. She created this version of us, this is
her MarySue universe, of course we love her. But I'm
still pissed at her. I should spank her ass."

Cupid licked his lips. "I don't know why you want to
punish her, but I think the spanking is a fine idea.
I volunteer to hold her."

"I'll tell ya why I'm pissed at her. Not enough sex."

"EXCUSE ME? What am I--chopped liver?"

"Not with you, sweety. I got no complaints in that
department. But ya remember when she came ovah here,
huh?"

"You bet. I spent HOURS glued to that scrying pool.
You know, I know how taken you are with her..."

"Yah, I got a severe case of horniness with her name
on it."

"I kept expecting to see you pop up and jump her bones
at any moment. Why didn't you?"

Strife scowled. "'Cause Uncle Ares had my ass CHAINED
in his dungeon tha entire time. He was punishin me
for convincin his followers that he wanted them ta
wear those chartreuse shin-guards! But tha point is,
she's in charge of what happens around here. SHE
COULDA BUSTED ME LOOSE! Or at least visited me for a
quick handjob. Hell, I was right there in tha
temple." He stood up so he could stamp his feet.
"Uncle Ares had her. Even Joxer had her..."

*blink* "When did..."

"When Unc was takin a nap. I ain't surprised ya
missed it. It didn't last long. Anyway, I WANT EQUAL
TIME."

"But my Little Leather Love Doll, she has flown back
to her own dull little world." Cupid looked out at
the readers. "This is pre-Believe Half of What You
See." He looked back at Strife. "She's gotten very
wary. It would be difficult to snatch her back."

"Who said anythin about bringin her here? I'd just
hafta hide her from Unc, tha greedy ol' booty hog.
Nope, I'm gonna go get her!"

Cupid waved his wings in distress. "But that's
against the rules!" Strife smirked. "It would mean
misusing your divine powers!" Strife blew on his
nails and polished them on his leather. "It would
be... RUDE."

"Hell-o? Mishief Incarnate here."

"You could get in SO much trouble."

"I could also get ta fuck her inta tha next time
zone."

"Can I come?"

Strife grinned. "Well, if ya do, I expect ya will."

Cupid squealed happily and threw his arms around
Strife, giving him a sloppy kiss. "I'll bring the
arrows!"

*****

"Son of a BITCH, Xander! I CAN'T TYPE WITH YOU ON MY
LAP!"

*pout* "You aren't even TRYING."

"Not after you put the keyboard in your lap I'm not.
If you want me to grope you, just say so."

"I want you to grope me."

"Oh, like THAT'S a surprise. OFF!"

"No." *snuggle*
"Mmph. Look, I'm serious. I just started that sequal
to Cupid's Little Helper, and I need to work on his
food cravings. Did they have anything resembling
carbonated drinks in ancient Greece?"

"Who cares? It's your universe. You can give them a
Yoohoo spring if you want to."

(FLASH!)

"SHIT! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT THE SURGE
PROTECTOR!"

Xander was lifted off Scribe's lap by the nape of his
neck. He found himself dangling from the grip of a
very pale man who looked way too slender to be able to
lift him. He dangled, looking into the pale blue
eyes, then looked at Scribe. "He's wearing leather.
I sense potential."

Scribe blinked up at Strife. "I should have known."
Her eyes narrowed. "I owe you big time for that last
computer crash."

"That one wasn't mine. Quit downloadin shit without
scannin it." He nodded at Cupe. "Let her have it."

"Don't want it, thank you very much," Scribe said.
Cupid fitted a small gold arrow into his bow and shot
her. She squawked. "Hey! That is fucking UNCALLED
FOR!" She plucked it out. "And it's ineffective,
too. After that last bout of being chased by
rampantly lustful characters, I wrote a clause into my
universe that magic objects brought over into my 'real
life' would not work. I wasn't about to risk Ethan
Rain or Angelus cooking up a passion potion."

Strife scowled. "You're a devious wench!" He
grinned. "That is s-o-o sexy! You an me have
business."

"Will you turn my lap-studpuppy loose? It makes me
nervous to watch people dangling above the floor."

Strife got a very thoughtful look on his face, then
offered Xander to Cupid. "Here ya go, love-muffin.
Entertain yaself while I talk ta tha sexy cyber prose
slinger."

Xander eyed Cupid's wings. "C-o-o-l. Wanna make
out?"

Cupid took Xander. "You're almost as big a slut as
Scott Evil."

"Thank you. I have my ambitions." They fell on the
bed.

"Let us now pick bones," said Strife. "Why didn'tya
give me a chance ta boink ya tha last two times ya
were ovah on my turf?"

"Oh, for heaven's... I couldn't get to EVERYONE."

"Ya did Joxer an' Ares. Herc, Iolaus, Gabby, an' Xena
at least got within grabbin distance. I didn't even
get a glimpse of ya in your shorty pjs. I want equal
time."

"Fine." She jerked her shirt up, flashed him, and
pulled it back down. "Happy?"

He gaped, mouth open. "Huh?"

"Good thing I only had them set on 'stun'." She
looked over at the bed. "Whoa. Doesn't that make you
jealous?"

Strife took a look. "Damn sure does. Hey, Cupe, save
some of that for me for latah, huh?"

*mph*

*pantpantpant*

Scribe shook her head. "Xander, you're a loose man."

Cupid moaned. "No, he isn't. Trust me."

Scribe wiped her forehead. "Did Mom turn the central
unit on 'heat' again?"

"Nah, it's just you," Strife assured her. "Lookit
that butt move!" He cocked his head. "Both of 'em."

Scribe started fanning herself with her shirt hem. "I
should be taking notes on this, but how the hell could
I manage a Xena/Buffy crossover?"

"Look, if ya can cross Tha Sentinel with
Winnie-tha-Pooh an' Tha Smurfs, that shouldn't be such
a stretch."

Scribe held out her hands, as if framing a picture.
"Xander gave a liquid moan as Cupid masterfully
plundered his pulsating pink passion passage, pounding
and pumping in a perfect paroxym of..." She trailed
off. "Waitaminute. Alliteration of more than three
words, use of the words 'pulsating' and 'passion
passage'?" She screamed. "MY GOD, I'M IN A BADFIC!"

Strife grabbed her. "Ya know what they say, toots.
When badfic is inevitable, just relax an' enjoy it.
When we're through, we can swap off an' Cupe'll show
ya some REAL interestn uses for those feathahs."

She beat her tiny fists fetchingly (but ineffectively,
of course) on his pale, manly chest. "No, no! A
thousand and twenty-six times no!"

"A thousand an' twenty-six?"

"Cripes, I can't use cliches ALL the time." She put a
hand to her forehead. "Curse you, Mischief. I feel
myself succumbing to your unique and piquant good
looks and sly sexuality."

"Translate."

"You're hotter than a charcoal briquette on the fourth
of July at a Texas barbeque. Kiss me."

"'kay."

<insert horny slurping noises, mingling with the
grunts and moans from the bed>

When Strife let Scribe come up for air (luckily he
remembered that mortals DID have to breathe
occasionally) she gasped. "I don't understand. I've
never given in this easily since Duncan McCloud
discovered my weakness to Ponytails On Guys."

Strife started stripping her, and snorted. "POG?
Huh. I figured out your REAL irresistable turn on.
Why d'ya think I turned Xander over ta Cupe? I knew
they'd start a show." He blinked off his leathers and
dragged the unresisting fanfiction author down to the
floor (which luckily was nicely carpeted). "An' tha
one thing ya can't resist, Scribe, tha ONE thing..."
He grinned as he bent over the now panting woman, "is
SLASH."